Urban Poverty Law Center

I was horrified to read on Drudge about the "Beverly Hillbillies" like situation at Prospect Park in New York where some park attendees have been seen catching turtles, squirrels, fish, ducks, and cats, and cooking them right there in the park over an open fire pit. Now those with weak hearts and prone to spells of vomiting should read no further. I will give you a few moments to determine if you should continue, grab a bucket just in case. They have been seen eating these delectable morsels without white wine or even silverware. They use their hands and wipe the grease off on their shirts when they are sated, belch loudly and some have been seen relieving themselves in the forested areas of the pristine park. Park police have given the vagrant band of tribal hunters and gathers warning tickets totaling some $2,100. The putative leader of the band, who goes by his Prospect Park name, Org, short for "Organic", explained to Nita Tottenburg, of NPR, that the...

Somebody needs to emphasize life's immutable truths to our newest younger generation. I will be 58 on my next birthday, a few days from now. Nine more years in which to live if the telomeres last on my cells. Telomeres are small genetic fuses that determine how long a organism will reproduce fresh cells to keep the larger body going. They are cleaved off as time flies by and once they are gone, you are doomed. My people last to 67 years on average, then they tend to wilt and make Helen Thomas look good, then we die. Death is not the enemy, as I see it, it is the goal post. It is a reasonable finish line. Recalling the game of hide-n-seek, death is lurking in the shadows. Ready or not, here I come! My people have been blessed by quick deaths. My paternal grandfather fell over at work with a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurysm as a 67 yr old chain smoker of camel cigarettes when you could still buy them unfiltered. He was a product of the depression born in 1900, wanted to...

I was half asleep listening to Bill O'Reilly's only draw for me, "Miller Time", when I swear I heard Mr. Miller refer to the president as BroncObama. That imagery for our slender Marxist Crusader is a no go for me. I think Mr. Obama is nothing like the western hero conjured in that name Dennis accidentally gave him. A cowboy is brave, cunning, honest, forthright, a hard worker, won't back away from a fight, takes good care of his horse, carries a gun, is kind to women and children, never ever borrows money he does not intend to repay. A cowboy is humble and believes in God. A cowboy believes in working for what you have. A cowboy believes in low taxes and freedom. A cowboy never smokes marijuana or snorts cocaine. Excuse me, Mr. Miller, I know cowboys, Ronald Reagan was a cowboy, but your President Barack Hussein Obama is no cowboy! I can finish my sleep now that I have gotten that off my chest. I am, Jackson Delano Maybolt, President The Urban Poverty Law Center(...

Aside from winning life's lottery, blessed with the best parents and grandparents imaginable, I have not won to many items in my lifetime. When I was in the 7th grade, I did win a fruit cake at a raffle, but I did not eat it. Do you know anybody who has ever eaten a piece of fruit cake and lived to tell about it? I wrote about my win back in 1965 on a previous blog and shortly there after was contacted by the Internal Revenue Service to inform me I owed them approximately $3,234.53 in back taxes with interest and penalties for their share of the cake! The way they saw it that cake was worth $3.25, making their cut 48 cents in 1966. What the IRS did not know was that fruit cake has been making the rounds since 1965 as a gag gift, carefully stored in its original container and wrap and gifted to another family member each year. I knew Aunt Cloteil Finkbinder had gotten it last year, so I retrieved it from her and mailed it in to the US Treasury with a copy of their letter, explaining...

Brroke Hussein Obama, m m m. Never have so few refused to give so much to so many for so little. Did Sir Winston Churchill say something like that during WWII? Well it is our blood and sweat, and President Obama's tears, crocodile tears, crying to the public in every presser that the republicans who represent taxpaying Americans are in no mood to throw more money down an ever expanding rat hole, no pun intended. Boehner walks out on Brroke Hussein Oboro and accuses the president of not being serious about budget cuts. Really! If the spending bills all originate in the House of Representatives, then I believe the gang of 70 tea party republicans hold all the cards. The show can not go on without them. Sun Tze, in "The Art of War" said it best, "sometime best thing to do is to do nothing." Boehner and his republicans have called Brroke Insane Oboro's bluff, you know the one over looking America's sea of financial ruin, and rather than enable the wholesale ...

The race to replace Barack Hussein Obama is several months along now, and the talk of Sarah Palin's candidacy is abundant. As the President of the very prestigious Urban Poverty Law Center in Cedar Grove, Tennessee, I have some unique insights into politics and have some advice for Ms. Palin. First, let me say I am a great supporter of Sarah Palin. I like her look and her mind, and I like her way of doing things. Somehow a ninny from Wasilla, Alaska manages to out Fox all the brilliant minds in the media with her shenanigans. The tour of American Historic sights was brilliant. The book, and now the movie all brilliant. Now for the meat of this coconut: Sarah Palin will be the first woman president of the United States of America and she will win not as a republican candidate, but as an independent. The reasons she can run and win as an independent are many fold. Already she has been vetted by the despicable press and the Palin supporters are not swayed by media's dislike for he...

I was alarmed when I received this Email from a comely maiden who reports she is held on the SS Steve Irwin Whale Wars ship against her will. I believe this may be a prank, but I include it here, with some redactions for civility to get your reaction to see if I should bump this up to a higher authority. Also, does anyone know who this poor girl may be? 20, July 2011 Jacque Mayboo President, UPLC Cedar Grove, Tn 38321 Dear Masseur Mayboo, I am Michele Monet Rothchilldeberger, of de famous banking Rothchilldebergers. I am 22 years old next month and have been held captive on de SS Steve Irwin for over 6 months. I felt I could email you and you could make my plight known to de entire world so maybe some other young girl, full of hopes and dreams, does not follo en my footsteps only to have dem dashed on de unseen rocks of life's reef. My story on de Steve Irwin follows: I answered an advertisement for Mates on de Steve Irwin placed on de Parisian Craigslist by Captain Paul. It promis...

A few of you who have read more than three of the over 100 offerings contained on this website, all of which are enlightening and some are entertaining, know that the objective of UPLC is to help end urban poverty one person at a time. I pulled back on my modest philanthropic work last year after the homeless chap I gave the $20 to was found dead in a park in Jackson, Tn. Seems he scored two dime bags of meth and shot both into his blood stream and the Madison County Coroner said his 55 yr old ticker exploded like JFK's head with that third shot from the grassy knoll. Horrible! I wasn't even able to raise the $1500 C Batsell Bateman's Funeral Parlor and Flea Market over on Hwy 45 towards Medina required for a decent cremation. The poor fellow was cremated with the euthanized animals at the Madison County Inhumane Society. I was in a funk for over a year because of it and was not able to do my best on this site, but the curtain, no fog of despair is lifting and I am thinking...

Last evening after perusing my SI Swimsuits Issue, I flipped on the Tele to bore myself to sleep. Animal Planet, not my typical viewing fare, was on. The remote was several feet away on the dresser. I had removed my leg prosthesis and had settled very comfortably into my bed. I decided not to make the one legged leap to retrieve the remote, and to suffer what ever preposterous programing the communist at Animal Planet had to offer, believing sleep would soon rescue me from this attempted brain rape by the Animal Planet programmers. "Whale Wars" what? Could it be the ocean's mammoths were at war and I did not even know it? This got my attention. As I watched, Captain Paul, who looks an awful lot like an older version of Cedar Grove's own, Mikey MacElroy, who left the area about 15 years ago, after some questions were raised about indecencies he took with a local troop of cub scouts, piloted the "Steve Irwin" all over the South Atlantic. It was in a futile att...

Hey, taxpayers, ever wonder what the fuss is all about in DC? Our best and brightest sociopaths who have managed to gain control of the purse strings of our colossal union of states, have been boiling this frog (read taxpayers) in tiny increments until now when they have to turn up the heat or risk losing it all. The spending on TARP was touted as a one time only stop gap measure to save the US and World's economy, but now it has quietly been slipped into perpetuity in the budgets congress has been unwilling to publish or back for the past 2 years! Hence, the 1.5 trillion dollar deficits from here to dooms day, which according to the Mayan Calender is a week from next Tuesday, making all the fuss a mootity, to coin a term as in moot point. We are all going to DIE! I just pray my "Sports Illustrated, Swimsuits Edition" arrives in the mail today which should afford ample time to enjoy the articles before what ever Biblical calamity claims all of humanity and we are ...

My father watches Fox news and sometimes, when he means to use the word “amazing,” he accidentally says “Rush Limbaugh.” “Those ‘taters were Rush Limbaugh, Puddin’ Lips!” Perhaps this contributed to his disapproval of my plan to let Jack Mayboldt and the UPLC sponsor my travels abroad. My mission? To gain a global understanding of poverty and seek political and religious radicals along the way. In Greece, I found the protesters in Athens to be too mild-mannered for my taste and Syntagma square smelled more of body odor than it did of political dissent. I promptly moved to the black sand beaches of Santorini and the ferry strikes stranded me there for long enough to wonder if those beaches ever felt oppressed by the beaches with white sand. I knew if I wanted to find some unfriendlies, I had to make it to the middle of Turkey. The bus steward on my way to Eğirdir had the lıkeness of a Baldwın Brother who was never ıntroduced to a toothbrush. He kept brıngıng me water or goodıes. As...

"Pull off the band aid. Eat our peas." Both badly fragmented statements at Barack Hussein Obama's presser today. Warm up the teleprompter, or telereader in Obama's case. Read our lines of peas? Our experts at the Urban Poverty Law Center have been studying these two incongruous statements and believe they are code phrases and we will dissect them for those among us who are not as bright as those in the Urban Poverty Law Center, namely, Jackson Delano Maybolt, Jr. First let us play around with the first statement. "Pull off the band aid". Pull implies force. Off implies not upon, so the second word could be code for on, band implies a group, like gays and the transgendered, and aid could imply gays and transgendered people with aids. Clearly, "pull off the band aid" becomes code for "Force on the gays with aids". Imagine the uproar when his first fragmented statement, "Pull off the band aid", is code to his HHS Czar to cut fundin...

Sarah Palin's inflammatory rhetoric has claimed another victim. Not since Palin placed gun sight targets on members of congress in her vicious Tea Party sponsored attacks against incumbents of congress during the 2008 election cycle has such a horrible event occurred. You will recall that the gun targets provoked a schizophrenic in Tucson, Arizona to gun down Congresswoman Giffords and 12 others at a meet and greet event at a Safeway store. According to a spokesperson for George Soros's "Open Society", Ms. Malignant Melanoma Malenthrope, "the recent cluster of vicious grizzly bear attacks against humans can be directly traced back to Sarah Palin. Recall it was Ms. Palin who evoked the term "mamma grizzly" when being braggadocios about her and other tea party female members strong commitments to their conservative principles and the protection of their young conservative children." Now, somehow word has leaked to the real mamma grizzly bears and th...

Well, I guess I should mention the Casey Anthony trial verdict this week in my Weakly Interesting Current Events, but I will not. You must go to the big media for your daily ration of bread and circuses. From what I've heard against my will the press is Casey Anthony 24/7, 9 to 5, wall to wall, sunup to sundown, rain or shine, black or white, rich or poorer, in sickness and in health, til the next sensational death drama plays out, hopefully to contain a midget clown this time to make it more interesting. You can read my post dated 1/08/11 on the death of my father for a good story with midgets. Alasdair Thompson, CEO of the New Zealand Employers and Manufacturers Association blurted out in a radio interview that the women of New Zealand earned about 12% less than their male counterparts, because a woman's parts are down for up to one week in four and with the bleeding and change in personality he and his fellows at the NZEMA blame PMS for lost productivity and for the pay ineq...

Former President, William Jefferson Clinton, the United States most senior, living, former democrat President not named Carter, is showing his age and the great think tank living high above his shoulders is looking more and more like an over sized hat stand. In his speech to the Aspen Ideas Festival he suggested our corporate tax rate is not competitive at 35%. "We tax (corporate income) at 35% of income, although we only take about 23%. So, we should cut the rate to 25%, or whatever is competitive, and eliminate a lot of the deductions so that we still get a FAIR amount, so there is not much variance in what the corporations pay. But how can they do that by August 2?" What, Mr. President? How can they do that by August 2? I suggest to you another question that may be more appropriate given your statement. Why would they do that? Jack Maybolt may not be a Yale trained lawyer with a predilection for peccadillo's or a former president of the United States, but...

And you can't see the forest for the trees. A common mistake when urban folks head out into the countryside. Another mistake is Ben Bernanke's steerage of the Federal Reserve Bank's monetary policy. Quantitative Easing II ended quietly and with no fanfare on June 30, 2011. That ping and whine down you heard at your bank was the last coins striking an empty vault as the feds ginormous printing presses spun down. The dollar paper makers did not stop making dollar paper, since they do not believe this congress will hold the line on the debt ceiling. Tim Geithner announced a new Treasury plan this week to stimulate the stock markets, the federal assist in recovering troubled stocks, FARTS, along with his desire to step down as the Secretary of Treasury. FARTS plans to infuse a pant load of newly created money into the stock market to inflate the value of stocks which Geithner believes will by necessity relieve the downward pressure on the dollar when compared to a basket of oth...

Greece will have its skids greased by German Chancellor Adolf Merkel. The Germans have the most experience in bailing out bankrupt EU countries since taking on its bastard half step child, East Germany, when the former Soviet Union, fell into a financial heap, and unloaded all its former charges in Eastern Europe after playing chicken with Ronald Reagan. Seems the Socialist at the Kremlin had run out of other peoples money, not unlike those fun loving, barely working, bronze toned leisure lizards, who lounge clad only in speedos on their beautiful Mediterranean beaches ogling the topless tourists from Tunisia traipsing triumphantly towards Timbuktu. All play and no work makes Jack Mayboltopompolottalou a happy boy! The Greeks enjoy one of the shortest work weeks in the world, 33 hrs. Even our man-child president, Barack Hussein Obama, puts in 34 hrs of work a week if you include his 6 hr golf games. Mark Halpern, formerly of CNN/Time, blurted out an honest assessment of our Incompetenc...