Urban Poverty Law Center

Friends, Over at the Holladay Diner yesterday, I was talking with Jug Cochs about the economy and his tax preparer told him that Tennessee was going to require him to purchase workmans compensation insurance on hisself ! Now I ain't that bright, but Jug is self-employed with no employees ceptin hisself . Tennessee wants him to be both employer and employee. He said he would be faced with a 15% tax of his gross if he made more than $52,000, imagine a tax of this magnitude applied to his other taxes. It might look something like this: Jug Cochs tax return 2010 Gross income: $52,001 self employment tax / medicare tax $7,600 workmans comp tax $7,600 income tax $7,600 business tax $3,000 property tax $1,500 sales tax $2,000 total tax $29,300 total left for Jug to spend is $22,701 Jug is not a happy camper. He was even unhappier when I told him that even the serfs of the middle ages only had to give 1/12 to the lord o...

Friends, Watching Politicians in Washington DC squabble about where to spend trillions of dollars both from revenues and borrowed makes my right leg ache and it has not been attached to my torso for over three decades since the John Deere manure spreader mangled it back on that blustery spring day in 1978. I am on disability, SSI , and am only 56 yrs old. Believe you me, I would much rather be working at anything than poking around all alone in mother's house with my four cats. At least I can shape national policy in my work for the UPLC . I really wanted to opine about the $1.7 trillion deficit that was put together with the TARP(Troubled Asses Relief Program) passed in 2008 and the Stimulus Package passed in January of 2009. This reckless spending before taxes are collected by our representative leaders shirking their fiduciary responsibility to the people is misinformed at best and criminal at worst. Show me the money! Can Tim Geithner just give us an accounting of where all ...

Friends, I had a brush with death last week when my Hoverround got stuck in the ice and I fell out and was exposed to freezing temperatures for about 12 hrs before Mrs. Blunderdoss came by and found my nearly lifeless body. My thumb and toes on my left side are gone due to frost bite, but my mind is clear. I have been taking hand fulls of hydrocodone to control the pain. Thank God for these little pleasure pills! Many of my associates out here in Cedar Grove have asked me why the heck we don't just drill for oil here in America and tell the A-rabs to shove all that black crude up their behooties! Well, drilling here in America would be bad for business. Here's why: Recent world oil consumption is about 90 million barrels per day before the most recent unpleasantness aka, the recession. By international accord all transactions for oil purchases have to be in US Dollars, and only our staunch ally, Iran, will sell their oil in Euro's. This means that at current level...

Hello, Jack Maybolt is in the hospital and asked me to write a short note explaining his situation. It is not good. He was found outside by the barn, Hoverround stuck in ice and disabled. Apparently he was caught out overnight yesterday and the temperature fell to about 20 F. The doctors expect him to recover, but he is going to lose most of the toes on his remaining foot and his thumb on his left hand. His core body temp when he was found was 83 F. I told him he needed to get rid of those chickens, but he will not listen. Pray for Jack. Susan Blunderdoss Secretary, Urban Poverty Law Center "Feed a chicken, get an egg; feed a man and all you get is shit!" Mother Maybolt, 1928-2008

Friends, Nothing like a rainy day to lift one's spirit out of the doldrums, doldrums: a band of ocean around the equator where winds often are lacking for weeks and sailing vessels spent more boring time than most sailors could tolerate on glassy water at a standstill. A little history for the educationally challenged amongst us. I rested well last night since George Norry had a dullard on Coast to Coast. My letter to President Obama is drafted below and I hope you will make constructive comments if it comes across too strong or too timid. Thank you for your time in this most important of endeavors! Honorable President Barrack Hussein Obama The White House Washington, DC 20201 Dear Mr. President, Let me first congratulate you because never has someone with so little gotten so far so fast in the short history of our representative republic. Your booming voice with its soothing quality is phenomenal. Even when you are saying nothing it is still impressive. Hearing you speak is like...

Friends, With all the hubbub and the tittering going on in the Senate, watching the Honorable Senator Barbara Boxer demand to know who illegally hacked into the Climate Research Units computer system and leaked the email that prove the scientists investigating global warming have lied, I must confess that it was my doing. I was trying to get into the "Climactic Research Unit.com" site, and only by mistake hit Climate instead of Climactic. I love the videos of the comely young women with all the moaning and groaning. I often leave this site on in the background while I sleep. Well this day, I got into the Climate Research Unit by mistake and suddenly I was in their EMail files and I just hit forward and the next thing I knew my computer started sending information to God only knows where? I tried to stop it, but it was no use. My computer has a windows program with a virus and the virus went viral and the rest is history. I like weather men, especially the ones on the weather...

Friends, It is with great pleasure to let you all know the Urban Poverty Law Center has hired its first employee! Ms. Susan Blunderdoss has agreed to do light clerical work and cook supper three days a week. Now she is a fine church going lady. Attends the New Liberty Church for Christs Sake and sings in the choir. She is widowed and has a son, Toby Blunderdoss , who is 14 years old and attends the West Carroll County High School and plays the tuba in the marching band. Here is where it gets interesting. Toby saw a special on the cosmos with Carl Sagan about 3 years ago and when he learned from Dr. Sagan the number of objects hurtling towards our blue planet, he became extremely agitated and finally after some coaxing from his mother confided in her his fear. He was afraid that one of those stones traveling at 17,000 mph and heading towards earth was going to strike him and kill him right there. This phobia causes young Toby to walk in a sporadic fashion, always cutting this ...

Friends, We are still reeling from our loss here in Cedar Grove of the Metro Bingo Parlor/Food Bank! I know the world keeps on spinning and we need to get past this little set back and continue to make good policy for our poor urban brothers and sisters. It is with this motivation that I have decided to invite ousted President Manuel Zelaya to leave his Honduran hide-out at the Brazilian Embassy and join us at the UPLC here in Cedar Grove. I have decided we need to reach out to our brown brothers to the south and for this reason I have invited President Zelaya to become the first fellow of the New Urban Poverty Law Center. It is a position of high honor. I look forward to having President Zelaya as a colleague. I hope to pay him a stipend when we get on our feet financially. I have been following the Tiger Woods soap opera . As I said before, he is a man, and so far all of the women who have come forward have been of age and beautiful, and as Mother said, "what's in a co...

Friends, It is with a heavy heart and a broken soul that I must report that the first UPLC fun razer for the poor of Detroit was hit by unforeseen tragedy. Myrtle Millingen who was in charge of the kitchen plugged too many appliances into the outlets in a clear violation of Cedar Groves fire codes and fire consumed the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Parlor/ Food Bank. Fortunately no one was hurt, but by the time the all volunteer fire department arrived, there was nothing for them to do except cool the smoldering ashes of what once was a proud land mark in Cedar Grove for over a century. I think all will agree that we will take our $217 that we raised for the Dozer for Detroit and apply these to rebuild the Bingo Parlor/Food Bank right here in Cedar Grove! Charity begins at home. I have not given up on the Dozer for Detroit plans, but fate is such an unpredictable beast when all the best laid plans of mice and men are often lead asunder. Me and Larry Simmons tried to list the Big...

Friends, It is with great excitement I report Skip Reasons, Lonnie's second boy by his third wife, Matildie , had an accident while driving through Natches Trace State Park late yesterday. Now he is alright, but his pick-up is totaled. The way Lonnie tells it, Skippy was traveling east on Cavia Road, just before you get to the Shiloh Baptist Church and a large hairy figure stepped out of the woods and Skip swerved to miss the creature that he says stood head and shoulders above the top of his Chevy Silverado ! Skippy hit the creature in a glancing blow and slammed into a large white oak. Fortunately he was wearing his seat belts and the air bag deployed. Next thing Skippy knew the creature was looking in the window at him and then it screamed a blood curdling cry and limped into the woods to the north. Lonnie and his brother Jug got Larry Simmons to bring his wrecker out and tow Skip's truck home. Larry says he found a piece of the creature on the road while he was sw...

Friends, Hondurans saw fit to toss President Manuel Zelaya out of office when he tried to unconstitutionally hold onto power indefinitely. The Honduran Congress voted on his removal which is constitutional and the Supreme court held the congressional vote to be valid and he was removed by the military and not shot which is customary in South America, but not constitutional. Interestingly, all the dictatorial thugs in this hemisphere complained including Hildee B. Clinton, our esteemed Secretary of State. Apparently following a constitution sets a bad precedence in a representative republic. Tiny lil Honduras did not bow to the unconstitutional thugocracy and stuck with their constitution and elected Porfirio Lobo as president. The Urban Poverty Law Center's position on Honduran self-rule and its stand against lawlessness is laudable and should be copied all around the world. The Hondurans traded a tyrant named Manuel Zelaya (translation "hand Job") for presiden...

Friends, Cedar Grove and the surrounding communities of Lavinia and Leach and Terry have all been abuzz with the excitement surrounding the First Annual Fund Razer For the Poverty Stricken In Detroit Through No Fault of Their Own, ( FAFRFTPSIDTNFOTO ) for short. What is all the twittle and twaddle about? As followers of the Urban Poverty Law Center, you know the fund razer will be held at the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Parlor /Food Bank at 6:30 to ? and that barbecue and moonshine and drinks for the kiddies will be available for the low tickets prices, and that four 5 lb blocks of government cheese will be given out as door prizes, all this and more on December 4, 2009. The buzz is whether Michaele Salahi and her husband will be attending even though they did not receive an invitation. Personally I do not see the attraction. I find her husband to be somewhat of a dud and she seems as appealing as yesterday's cheese grits adorned with lipstick stained cigarette butts. This...