Urban Poverty Law Center Contact With Maiden On The "Steve Irwin"

I was alarmed when I received this Email from a comely maiden who reports she is held on the SS Steve Irwin Whale Wars ship against her will. I believe this may be a prank, but I include it here, with some redactions for civility to get your reaction to see if I should bump this up to a higher authority. Also, does anyone know who this poor girl may be?

20, July 2011

Jacque Mayboo
President, UPLC
Cedar Grove, Tn 38321

Dear Masseur Mayboo,

I am Michele Monet Rothchilldeberger, of de famous banking Rothchilldebergers. I am 22 years old next month and have been held captive on de SS Steve Irwin for over 6 months. I felt I could email you and you could make my plight known to de entire world so maybe some other young girl, full of hopes and dreams, does not follo en my footsteps only to have dem dashed on de unseen rocks of life's reef. My story on de Steve Irwin follows:

I answered an advertisement for Mates on de Steve Irwin placed on de Parisian Craigslist by Captain Paul. It promised adventure, in exchange for room and board, and light work on de ship. I fully understood de mission was to do battle with de Japanese whaling fleet and would naturally involve some danger and risk to body and soul, but what I have learned about dis operation would make your hair stand up.

I am subjected daily to taunts by de other mates. I cannot pass dem in de hallway without shouts of "Show me your teats!" And de male crew members are often more aggressive and practice de frottage in such a crude manner with deir hands, pretending dey did not notice deir hands on my breasts!

I am a tall woman, nearly 6ft 3 inches and Captain Paul takes every liberty with any swell, or rough water to plant his unctuous face deeply into my cleavage. Funny how his sea legs abandon ship when I am on de bridge. Always de gentleman, he inhales deeply from my cleavage before pulling back, with eyes rolling back like a bull dat has found a cow in full estrous, falls back to his space and touches himself. Den a few moments later he smokes a Salem, grabs the wheel and pretends to scan de horizon for Japanese Whaling vessels.

I have not left my cabin for three weeks. My skin is becoming transparent. After showering I looked at myself in the mirror and was shocked by what I saw, two blue spots and a brown spot. I am getting rickets. We are not due into port for another two months and I think de helio pilot is a Mormon.

I will close dis letter for I have taken enough of your time, Masseur Mayboo. If I ever get out of dis floating prison I promise I will come to work closely under you at de Urban Poverty Law Center. De whales, dey do not appreciate anything we do for dem. But you work to rid human kind of poverty, dat is a real calling.

Yours truly,

Michele Rothchilldeberger
some where in icy waters off Argentina

Does anyone know this young lady?

Jaque Mayboo, President, Urban Poverty Law Center

"Whales are just dolphins on steroids." Mother Maybolt, 1924-2008