"Pull off the band aid. Eat our peas." Both badly fragmented statements at Barack Hussein Obama's presser today. Warm up the teleprompter, or telereader in Obama's case. Read our lines of peas?
Our experts at the Urban Poverty Law Center have been studying these two incongruous statements and believe they are code phrases and we will dissect them for those among us who are not as bright as those in the Urban Poverty Law Center, namely, Jackson Delano Maybolt, Jr.
First let us play around with the first statement. "Pull off the band aid". Pull implies force. Off implies not upon, so the second word could be code for on, band implies a group, like gays and the transgendered, and aid could imply gays and transgendered people with aids. Clearly, "pull off the band aid" becomes code for "Force on the gays with aids".
Imagine the uproar when his first fragmented statement, "Pull off the band aid", is code to his HHS Czar to cut funding for aids research and "force the gays with aids to act out! This segment of our population is small but very vocal and are politically connected in high as well as low places, otherwise there would be a special gay tax, like the cigarette tax to help defray the costs of Aids research.
San Francisco will become a blood bath if anything happens to aids research funding.
Now, "eat our peas." Probably code for a department level chief to close an entire section of government to make the people, read "eat", feel like they were chewed up and spit out.
Which governmental department would do the most harm to the peas? The three words have the answer in the letters of the word PEA. The EPA, Environmental Protection Agency, is the natural choice as the clearest example of a government department without which the most people would be affected. Need more convincing, peas are green! The greenies,like the gays, are a small but very vocal group of US Citizens.
Clean air and water affects us all. The water without the EPA would turn foul in under a fortnight, and the air quality would become worse than China's over night. Toilets would revert to high flow all over the country. Coal would burn and warm the water to spin the turbines to produce an abundance of electrical energy and electricity rates would necessarily crash with all the increased production.
Companies could up size and hire a more employees with the energy savings realized by the absence of the EPA. Revenues would start to fill the US Treasury again with the added economic boost the loss of the EPA's drag on commerce would have.
The 47 million American workers who were idled by President Obama's stimulus package would groan as they packed lunches to go back to work. Oh the humanity!
More sack lunches means more work at the slaughter houses for the meats, the flour mill for bread, and the snack companies for chips and candy bars. More sacks means more trees cut for pulp. More loggers in the fields. And et c. et c.
If Obama carries out his threat to shut these vital governmental agencies down, it could put the Urban Poverty Law Center out of business. Good. I am ready to retire.
Retire, hell, I am ready for my pine box and the promise of eternal peas.
Look for the code in his next presser. DOE, BATFE, IRS, DHS, might sound something as innocuous as this:
We Do not operate withOut the Ether.
Battles Against The Feted English.
Israel will Remain Salient.
Don't Hit me in the Shins.
I am your code breaker, and money maker, and red neck baker in Cedar Grove, Tennessee.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, PhD. President
The Urban Poverty Law Center
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