Aside from winning life's lottery, blessed with the best parents and grandparents imaginable, I have not won to many items in my lifetime. When I was in the 7th grade, I did win a fruit cake at a raffle, but I did not eat it. Do you know anybody who has ever eaten a piece of fruit cake and lived to tell about it? I wrote about my win back in 1965 on a previous blog and shortly there after was contacted by the Internal Revenue Service to inform me I owed them approximately $3,234.53 in back taxes with interest and penalties for their share of the cake!
The way they saw it that cake was worth $3.25, making their cut 48 cents in 1966.
What the IRS did not know was that fruit cake has been making the rounds since 1965 as a gag gift, carefully stored in its original container and wrap and gifted to another family member each year.
I knew Aunt Cloteil Finkbinder had gotten it last year, so I retrieved it from her and mailed it in to the US Treasury with a copy of their letter, explaining the fruit cakes history and that I really did not accept the cake and had donated it to charity that year by gifting it to my older sister. Therefore, since I did not claim my $3.25 deduction that year which I was entitled to under the law, I had over paid them by 48 cents and they actually owed me the $3,234.53 in interest and penalties I have accrued since my blunder as a 13 yr old whose only source of income that year was a 4-H bull I hand raised and fed out to 2,237 lbs named Homer.
Ned Barker bought Homer from me and turned him into hamburger. I am anxiously awaiting the answer from the Treasury. I bet they do not have many fruit cakes at the Treasury, if you exclude Treasury Secretary Geithner. I hope they did not think it was a suspicious package. I did not even think, post anthrax scare, they might not take it the way it was intended.
Anyway, I am not in jail yet, and I have not been hit by a swat team and tazed into submission. I have been working on a couple of ideas for clothing lines to protect our seniors from falls and hikers in the bear and lion country.
Bubble wrapped clothing which would protect grandma and pa in a fall and cushion the hips and shoulders, the sites most commonly fractured in falls, and spiked outer wear like that of a porcupine for active hikers along with a spiked helmet, light and breazy like a bike helmet but armored so as to cause a significant injury if bitten or struck by the fleshy part of a paw.
Just thoughts. I believe these ideas are brilliant and I hereby declare it my personal intellectual property on July 26, 2011 at 0645cdst!
I dub the line of bubble wrapped protective outer wear as BubbaWrap (R) as it will be made here in the South. And my line of spike lined outer wear and head gear, Billiebear-Spikewear-if-u-Dare (R).
Last intellectually copyrighted idea involves placing support tracks along the ceilings in our old peoples home from which bungee suspended vests on the tracks that grandma and pa wear which in case of falls the bungee slows and prevents gravity from winning and your loved one never smacks the floor. This I call Maybolt's Marvelous Mama Mover (R). Some cost will be incurred in installation, but much, much cheaper than a year in the nursing home, and the oldsters are oh so grateful not to be bed bound. A pulley and counter weight can be added to make them lighter on their feet, but this will require a doctor's order. Gravity vs bones is good for you except in cases of falls.
I have opened these fantastic original ideas to the ordinary investor, I have only 14.23 trillion shares of common stock and 10 trillion shares of preferred stock. The last quote on the Urban Poverty Law Center Stock Market has them priced at .0001 cent per share for the common stock up 1000% from yesterday's close of .00001. Better hurry as we only have 14,239,999,999,999 shares remaining. Aunt Cloteil bought a dollars worth yesterday. One more sale and we will be able to declare a dividend! Look for it to be somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 to 12%!
The preferred stock price has held steady at .001 cent per share. Nobody has sprung for the more expensive stock as yet, puddinheads, all believing the investment carries too much risk.
Hey, I look at it this way, it can't be any worse than Global Crossing, Enron, General Motors, Chrysler, Lucent Technologies, or a US Treasury Note, or could it?
For a free Prospectus, contact Jacob (Cob) Maybolt Finkbinder, you can leave a comment under this blog, unless there is too much demand, then we will give our email address which is fdmaybolt@gmail.com, but do not shut gmail down with offers to buy.
We accept all common fiat currencies listed on the forex. We may need one of our international readers to help with procuring some of the goods and materials. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center and Stock Market
Cedar Grove, TN
"Our brokers are standing by!" Mother Maybolt, 1929-2008
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