It is with great excitement I report Skip Reasons, Lonnie's second boy by his third wife, Matildie, had an accident while driving through Natches Trace State Park late yesterday. Now he is alright, but his pick-up is totaled. The way Lonnie tells it, Skippy was traveling east on Cavia Road, just before you get to the Shiloh Baptist Church and a large hairy figure stepped out of the woods and Skip swerved to miss the creature that he says stood head and shoulders above the top of his Chevy Silverado!
Skippy hit the creature in a glancing blow and slammed into a large white oak. Fortunately he was wearing his seat belts and the air bag deployed. Next thing Skippy knew the creature was looking in the window at him and then it screamed a blood curdling cry and limped into the woods to the north. Lonnie and his brother Jug got Larry Simmons to bring his wrecker out and tow Skip's truck home. Larry says he found a piece of the creature on the road while he was sweeping the plastic and glass off the road. Skippy looked to be unhurt, but he was loaded when Lonnie and Jug got there and they took him home while Larry got the truck. Larry says he just thought Skippy was making up the "miss the creature" as an excuse just like Lonnie and Jug did. Skippy has a reputation for drinking more than Dean Martin and crashing more that Dale Ernhardt. Larry seen the hair and blood on the fender, then he thought just an unlucky deer, but the hair was not right. That's when Larry seen the toe.
Larry brought the piece of the creature to me cause he knows I listen to CoasttoCoast at night and am considered the only expert in UFOlogy and cryptozoology in this area. It also helps that I have a PhD and they think I am a doctor. Country people are so gullible. Anyway, Larry brings this toe out to the house and I did some measurements on it and it is the first and the second phalanges and it is huge. It is eight and a half inches around and six and a quarter inches long.
I looked at Larry and declared, "Looks like you have Bigfoot's bigtoe!" It has hair on top and the bottom is hairless. Looks to have about half pound of meat on the toe too.
Larry wanted to take it over to the Jackson State Community College and give it to the Zoologist there, Dr. Finkbinder, but I told him I had a better idea. I convinced Larry that we should take Bigfoot's bigtoe and put it on ice and put it up for auction on ebay. Larry and I think it will bring over a couple of hundred dollars and put the funds towards the dozer for Detroit! If you go to Ebay look the item up in the advance search. Bid to win! It will be up tonight. For now it is in a baggie in my freezer. I am so excited.
See you tonight at the fund razer. Be ready for some good food and a lot of just plain fun for all and for a great cause.
Jack D. Maybolt PhD
CryptoZoologist/Science editor Urban Poverty Law Center
"You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear." Mother Maybolt's comment to me when she learned I was taking the community skank to the senior prom. 1926-2008
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