Friends,
With all the hubbub and the tittering going on in the Senate, watching the Honorable Senator
Barbara Boxer demand to know who illegally hacked into the Climate Research Units computer system and leaked the email that prove the scientists investigating global warming have lied, I must confess that it was my doing.
I was trying to get into the "Climactic Research Unit.com" site, and only by mistake hit Climate instead of Climactic. I love the videos of the comely young women with all the moaning and groaning. I often leave this site on in the background while I sleep. Well this day, I got into the Climate Research Unit by mistake and suddenly I was in their EMail files and I just hit forward and the next thing I knew my computer started sending information to God only knows where?
I tried to stop it, but it was no use. My computer has a windows program with a virus and the virus went viral and the rest is history. I like weather men, especially the ones on the weather channel who wear the tight sweaters. I sometimes watch it with the sound off. Mother had sweaters, too.
I know what I did to Phillip Jones and Michael Mann to besmirch their reputations was wrong.
I would gladly do anything to put the global warming genie back into the bottle, but the story has grown an ample pair of denial legs and is off and running. I hope Senator Barbara Boxer will accept my explanation that it was accidental and I am truly sorry for any damage to the drive for one world governance and world taxation my mistake may have caused.
If she can find it in her heart to forgive me, I will spend the rest of my life fighting for one world governance and for taxation on carbon through the full force and power of the Urban Poverty Law Center.
A friend of mine called and said our fellow Tennessean, Al Gore Jr. was business partners with Ken Lay of Enron fame and Enron had formed the first Carbon trading company and that Al Gore had positioned himself with a butt load of carbon credits. He is a smart man, but my pal and I are even smarter. We have all the legal rights to Oxygen! Yes that is correct. We own all the oxygen credits. Oxygen is a naturally occurring element atomic number 16. It was discovered in the 1500's by some scientist in England but he did not patent it, but we put in for a patent and the UPLC was granted Patent number 58767767599 for exclusive rights to hold and trade, and sell the entire world's supply of Oxygen. The patent is from Monaco, but it is a patent non the less.
What does this mean? Glad you asked. It means that we get two oxygen credits for every carbon credit that must be paid in advance because when you burn hydrocarbons you get CO2 as well as some H2O. Because we own all the oxygen on earth, we also can claim ownership of 16/18 percent of all the world's water since the molecular weight of water is this percentage of oxygen. We are trying to decide what a fair price is for each unit of Oxygen, but have narrowed the price to either $0.000000000000000000001 or $0.0000000000000000000015 per Oxygen atom which may be too much since one ounce of water is 18 grams and contains 16 grams of Oxygen and would cost 6.023 X 10 to the 23 or $1.00 taking the lower number. We will do some fudging of the numbers so as not to break the world bank so to speak, but you see how filthy rich we have become by owning all the Oxygen credits! Probably the right thing to do is for everybody to back away from the credits and nobody gets hurt.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Science Editor, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Not all of the monkeys live in the zoo." Mother Maybolt, 1929-2008
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