I am pleased to announce that The Urban Poverty Law Center is honoring Clint Eastwood by giving him its first ever Citizen of Cedar Grove, Tennessee Award.
The voting took place just after the end of the RNC and there were several nominees, but the clear winner by a 3-0 vote was Clint Eastwood.
The Award carries no monetary prize since no one in Cedar Grove, Tennessee invented dynamite or a software program, but Albert Gore, Jr did invent the Internet and he is from Carthage, TN which is only about 170 miles east of Cedar Grove, but he has not donated any monies from this invention or the millions given to his family for having the only rare earth mineral claim in Tennessee that his daddy was lucky enough to get through his communist contacts with Armand Hammer.
After realizing our award to Mr. Eastwood would carry more weight with a monetary prize, I have decided to purchase Mr. Eastwood a $50 gift card good at any of the country's 1237 Wal-Mart stores. I wish it could be a $100, but times are so hard here in Cedar Grove, even the Meth dealers are on food stamps. Nina Pickerel has said she will give him a dozen eggs from her free range chickens. They just started back laying eggs after a coyote got into the roost about three weeks ago and ate two of her favorite chickens.
Nina's nephew, Colton Cattombe, a senior at West Carroll High this year, set out some traps near Nina's chicken coop and caught one of Nina's barn cats. Cut its leg right off above the kitty wrist. Colton had to put the cat down. The way Nina sees it that coyote has that poor cat's blood on its paws as well as the chickens.
Colton redoubled his efforts and got a dying rabbit call and set up down by the creek near Nina's place and at dusk called in 17 coyotes and shot twelve. Verne Flotsom, the taxidermist, who also works at the aluminum factory in Huntingdon, says he will make Clint Eastwood a Coyote throw rug if Colton don't mind giving him one of the coyotes.
I think by the time Clint comes to Cedar Grove for his award he will be pleasantly surprised by his reception and all the gifts. It ain't every day we give out an award such as this.
Clint Eastwood is a special fellow. He told President Obama he needed firing. We at the Urban Poverty Law Center have been thinking the same thing since before this fellow assumed office.
He has given ineptness a new meaning in politics. An average man would have to try real hard to mess things up this bad. It seems to come naturally to President Obama.
We are gonna miss him when he is gone.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
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