Herman Cain, Testosterone Plus Ethanol, Equals Testosterol

Apparently, gasoline is not the only substance made less effective by the addition of ethanol, CH3CH2OH, or C2H6O for you chemists. Testosterone is converted into testosterol with the addition of even small quantities of alcohol. It clouds ones judgement and makes even the homeliest maiden appear to be a beauty queen suitable for breeding.

I have heard all my life the following truism, which is I believe, a quote from Mother Teressa: "Were it not for alcohol and parties, none of us would have been born." Sometimes the only way the sexes can tolerate one another is through that old magic called the totty!

If you do not believe me, take a trip to Wal-mart and look at some of the hags who are dragging two or three little children around. Check the shopping cart, there will be some beer in every one of them. Old men need viagra, and young men saddled with human hogzillas require alcohol. God invented alcohol so even the ugliest women would procreate.

I would invite Stephen Hawkin to argue against the existence of God with what I have just disclosed. No amount of chin drool or staring out at the world through that large right eye will convince me otherwise.

I quote Herman Cain's accuser, Sharon Bialek, of Chicago. She had a pediatrician boyfriend 15 yrs ago when she alleges Herman Cain, in the car, "placed his hands under my dress and reached for my genitals (why does Ms. Bialek have more than one genital, is she an hermaphrodite?) and with his third hand? tried to pull my head towards his crotch."

Admittedly, it has been a time since I was with a woman in a car, but I was never nimble enough to reach for the hair trap with more than one hand, and to have to pull the object of my attention toward my crotch rocket by the head, while maintaining my grope on the honey pot, I would have to fold the poor darling nearly in half.

Finally, gentlemen, and I do use the term loosely, it is called foreplay, and romance. For God's sake. Kiss them first, if they recoil and rebuff your move, save yourself the humiliation and take her home. Do not be fooled into thinking if I can just fold this one in half by the crotch and the head, she will come to like me as much as I like myself.

There is a hogzilla out there for everybody. Get yourself a six pack of beer. Happy hunting my sons! Take it slow and easy.

Jackson Delano Maybolt, Smarter and better looking than Stephen Hawkin after a shower, president, Urban Poverty Law Center

Urban Poverty Law Center Loses Bid for John Lennon's Molar

Sotheby's Auction House placed the only known surviving tooth of the famed former Beatle, John Lennon, on the block and it fetched $31,000 this past week. It is claimed a Canadian dentist took the remarkable dental artifact with his winning bid. A spokesman for the famous British auctioneers are reportedly in contact with Lennon's widow, Yoko Ono, making final negotiations for the sale of Sean Lennon, one of only two known offspring sired by the famous pop star.

Sotheby's spokesperson, Bridgette Lacy Cornwallace-Colanspasm, great-great granddaughter of the Grand Duke and Duchess of Derbanshire, Colonel Reginald and Buffy Cornwallace-Colanspasm, who are credited with introducing cricket and croquette into India and inventing the first all cotton adult diaper, indicates the negotiations are going well, but Yoko wants to start the bidding at 100,000 pounds, which may put off some bidders for young Master "Sean Rennon" as Yoko refers to him. Word on the street in London is Yoko will have her way. She always does.

In a related development, Ringo Starr, has offered Sotheby's his bellybutton lint collection which he has fastidiously kept squirreled away in a secret drawer in his flat in London.

"If Johnny's rotten molar fetched that kind of money, there outta be a quid or two for me in me bellybutton lint." The affable former Beatle drummer is quoted as saying with an earnest twinkle in his left eye.

Former Beatle, George Harrison, could not be reached for comment.

Paul McCartney, just back from his honeymoon, when asked about the Lennon tooth, stepped back for a moment then came out with one of the best lines for a song ever.

"What can you say about John Lennon's tooth that hasn't already been said? From the looks of that hideous molar it was definitely his sweet tooth. I'm glad a dentist got it. It needs a crown. Give teeth a chance. Peace"

In a personal note, I will offer the holder of M. Gadhafi's golden gun one thousand dollars cash for this one of a kind weapon.
Please contact me at this address if you are willing to take my offer. There is some wiggle room on that price. I will pay for shipping and handling. If it is bloody, do not wash it, gold will not pit.

Jack Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center

I saw the Beatles in 1966 in Memphis, since then my life has been an endless series of setbacks and disappointments! jdm

2012 Elections Already Determined: Republicans Win It All!

Occupy Wall Street will assure a Republican sweep of the elections next year.

When Abbey Hoffmann and the weather underground disrupted the democrat national convention in Chicago in 1968, the Tea Party was watching as contemporaries to such criminals as Bernadette (whose father wanted a boy really bad) Dorn and her slimy life's mate, Puke Willieman, formerly of the University of Chicago.

These Tea Partier parents did the only logical thing when faced with the lawlessness and disorder of these drug addled youths. They elected Richard Nixon president because he was deemed more of a law and order fellow than that lovable, little, dimpled, dumpling of a man, Hubert Horatio Humphrey, jr (D.) Minnesota.

Nixon cracked down on the yippies and Bernie and Puke hid out until it was safe to come out again. If Nixon's attorney general had captured these two, they may have gotten the M. Gadhafi treatment. Again it is comforting to know that punishment is meted out here in America based on one's status: trust funded monkeys in the short line to freedom on the left, all others back into your cells.

The OWS movement does not have the numbers to affect change at the ballot box, hence the acts of civil unrest. The Squeaky Fromme gets the grease as they say.

I will bet the republican who portrays him or herself as the most pro law and order (LnO) candidate will get the nod for the nomination.

Herman Cain is a forceful, no nonsense leader who could be the LnO nominee.

Newt Gingrich is an adult and could be seen taking these OWS malcontents to task.

Michele Bachmann, she is too beautiful and many of us would love a spanking from her.
LnO breaks against her chances for the nomination, but she might pull it off.

Rick Perry, still possible as a strong LnO candidate.

Rick Santorum, no gravitas when LnO is considered.

Mitt Romney, only slightly more formidable in the LnO arena than Michele. Milk toast sprinkled with dillweed. I doubt Mitt can even get his dog to listen to him.
Mitt is missing the alpha gene. You can't hide that from a dog. Mitt and Barack share this leadership flaw with Jimmy Carter and Billy Clinton.

Not to belabor the point, but if a good dog won't listen to you, you don't need to be president or running for president. A dog will not lie. It is not in them.

Bottom line: A Republican sweep is assured. Take that to the bank. Good-bye Obama.
Good-bye OWS protesters. Hello constitutional law and order. Play by and follow the rules or get back into your spider holes until the next useless idiot is elected president which probably will not be in your lifetimes!

The Tea Party gets it. You are coming in loud and clear! T-minus 12 months and counting.

Jack Maybolt, President
Urban Poverty Law Center

Urban Poverty Law Center On High Alert: The Muslims Are Coming!

Trouble is a brewing if professional cricket players are getting hard time for shaving points in cricket competition and Jon Corzine cooks the books for millions in MF Global and he is expected to receive the Congressional Medal of Honor. It is refreshing to know punishments are still meted out here in the Western world relative to ones status. As the old American Express Card ad puts it, "Wealth has its privilege."

A Muslim woman in Malaysia is catching flack for writing a book extolling the virtues of keeping husbands sexually gratified. Is she serious? This will set the women at NOW, the National Organization For Women, on fire. The book is very graphic with sections on "wearing a hijab without panties", and "sex and prayer, is 5 times a day too much"? I am sure this book will be on every Muslim man's Christmas list for his wives! I wonder how or if the wives will share a book or if the husband will have to buy a copy for each?

Now that Libyan strong man Colonel M. Gadhafi has been sodomized with a utility knife and executed with his golden gun, Adolf Hitler's cyanide capsules make a lot more sense. And more shocking news from the Middle East: these countries who practice the religion of peace are going to live under its laws! Yawn. I believe in freedom of religion, and it should be regionalized. The Mormons live under their tenants in Utah and nobody is bothered. I say let the Muslims be Muslims in the Muslim regions. We can trade our paper for their unctuous commodity to power our economy and oil is well. I do not care if they limit interest on loans to 3.5%, or that they want a gold back currency in which to trade, or that a man is able to take 4 wives. Yeah, that is ok.

They are simple goatherds who keep women oppressed and execute homosexuals and adulterers by pelting them with stones. Thieves are separated from limbs. Drug dealers and sorcery practitioners are separated from their bodies. Executions are by decapitation and public. Bloody, but effective. There are very few witches in Somalia and ever fewer homosexuals and adulterers. Goatherds have had time to study and get it right, unlike their western counterparts who have gone estrace v testosterone.

Here oddities are praised and protected. There they are killed. Here murderers are read rights and spend 20 years in jail if convicted and may get a lethal injection if they do not die of old age first. There they are tried within a week, if guilty, out of court and off to the nearest soccer field for a half-time execution with the executioner's sword, swish, thud, gush gush, somebody take these parts away and hose off the playing field so we can start the second half. Cheers!
The teams are taking the field.

Boy to father: "Daddy, I do not want my head cut off like that man. I am going to be good!"

Father to boy: "That's my boy! Read and abide by the Quran and all will be good!"

Is it time for the world to come together and agree to disagree and live in social harmony?

Hillary Clinton: "Not until we get Syria and Iran back into the fold."

Barack Obama: "And we must wait until Uganda is back in the fold."

Geo W. Bush: "That oil belongs to the Iraqi people."

A. Merkel: "The Greeks must suffer!"

H. Cain: "Are those real?"

B. Netanyahu: "Aryans, Iranians? Who can tell the difference?"

G. Soros: "Not until I have all the money, I am the 1/millionth of 1 percent!
I am a God!"

I am: Jackson Delano Maybolt,
Idiot Savant,
President,
Urban Poverty Law Center

Herman Cain Sexual Sign Target Talks To Urban Poverty Law Center

I was up late last night and decided to phone in on one of those 1800 numbers for singles and I spoke to a young lady, young sounding voice anyway, who told me she was involved in the current Herman Cain sex imbroglio.

I will try to protect her identity, but Foxy, assured me I could use her real name in my report which follows:

Foxy Merivether, is a retired restaurateur from Atlanta, Ga. She was born in Valdosta, Ga in 1961 to an unwed 20 yr old mother who had hooked up with a red-headed presidential candidate earlier the previous year, who went on to become president. I will try to protect this man's reputation since he is no longer here and can not be expected to voice any opinion as to the merits of the facts as presented as is the custom after one has been killed by an assassin's bullet in Dallas, Texas. I will not say which early sixties year this sad event took place, as I fear I have said to much already. I can say that John Connolly and and his wife were with the president when he was tragically struck down by bullets fired from the Texas School Book Depository building by Mr. Oswald. But that is all I can disclose until the seal is lifted off the Warren Commissions report in 43 more years.

We will all just have to be patient and wait just a little while longer.

Ms. Merivether says she was on the board of the George Restaurant Association when Herman Cain was its chairman. She was a mid-thirties single mom trying to raise three young children on a single salary and the extra cash from the Association came in handy, especially around Christmas, and children's braces and all that.

She said she had a cordial relationship with Mr. Cain, but when they were alone, she felt he was undressing her with his eyes, and he continually stared at her cleavage, and would ask her to join him in prayer where she would kneel in front of him and close her eyes. It was during one of these prayer sessions when she felt he had made an sexual gesture. She heard what she was certain was a polyester zipper, first unzip, and since she and Herman were the only two in the room she knew he was doing it. She slowly opened her eyes to see him turn quickly and adjust something large below his belt line. He never turned back to face her but quickly exited the room the two were sharing. As he left she heard him utter a faint, "Amen!"

During the investigation Ms. Merivether said Herman said when he knelt his polyester pants which had become a bit too snug because of all the eating out traveling on Restaurant Association business entails, had a wardrobe malfunction and that was the unzipping she had heard. He stood and turned to fix his problem, and had to leave since he had not packed enough briefs and was going "commando" that day, which only added to his misfortune. Herman Cain wears underwear. That is his habit, that is what he does.

I contacted the Herman Cain campaign and got in touch with a low level aid who confirmed my reporting. I only hope this helps.

The campaign assures me the Cain wardrobe has been expunged of the cheap polyester zippers. Herman Cain is a man who will not be fooled twice!

I find the story to be completely believable, especially the part about the former president who fathered Foxy!

Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center

Suprise Snow Storm In October Proof Positive Of Global Warming

Carbon Dioxide is more toxic to human life than ObamaCare is to big business, though not by much. The Little Ice Age ended barely a century ago, brought on by a lull in the power of the sun. Mark Twain often walked across a frozen Mississippi river to visit other states while just a lad in the 1840's. The Dutch used to skate on their waterways as recently as 50 years ago. We do not know what cold is here in America.

Why just a mere 10 thousand years ago over half this continent was layered with more Ice than the Obama's have taken vacation days on our dime. Some places the Glaciers were a mile deep! It will happen again. It is already starting. A record 1.3 inches fell on Hobo Park in New York City where the occupy wall street gang of 70 is clinging on to the good life while their head and pubic lice are having to buy scarves and making the long journey from scalp and pubic areas to warmer cracks and crevasses near the axilla and the anus.

When it is a matter of survival, people and lice will take desperate measures! Colonel Gadhafi even hid in a culvert filled with camel excrement when his life was threatened. And Sadam Hussein crawled into a spider hole where he was captured.
Hitler killed his body double and his wife Eva and had them burned with petrol in the fore yard of his bunker while he was spirited out of Berlin in a small plane piloted by Heinrich Murdoch, and Murdoch merely a student pilot.

He spent his last 40 years in Spain under the protection of the United States Secret Service living in President Franco's winter home in Barcelona. He is said to have grown a beard and shaved his mustache, and even played himself in a few Hollywood films before he got too feeble to read his lines. His only regret was that he did not do more to win the second world war.

Said he would have won if the Japanese had taken on the Russians in a more forceful manner.

My great uncle corresponded with Adolf Hitler up until his death in 1987 at the age of 101. He never lost his quick wit nor his hatred for the communist. Was he bitter?

You could say that. His vision for a world where the strong not only survive, but dominate was crushed. He warned my uncle that one day history would prove him correct. But the world would not see his genius.

Well, the little ice age is back and we will be cold and occupy wall street will freeze and Hitler and Franco are dead as are Hussein and Gadhafi and many billions who came this way before. I am beginning to collect fire wood in case I need it. I like the warm weather. My body's temperature is about 98 degrees F and functions best when it is kept at that level. Why all the hubbub about Global warming when we should be fearing a return of the ice box!

Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center

Herman Cain You Tube Smoke Add: Urban Poverty Law Center Explains It

What is all the hubbub with the YouTube Ad for Herman Cain where a man touts Cain's strengths as a candidate then takes a drag off a nearly used up cigarette with his best H. Bogart impersonation. Then Herman Cain's portrait appears out of the smoke looking like the cat that ate the canary! Beautiful.

Translation: Cain is not a believer in the nanny state. He opposed the banning of smoking in public places. The ad is a not quite subliminal message to patriots who favor personal freedom over tyranny. A government that can take your rights to smoke where and when you want can also take anything else it wants from you and will. Look out sodas, cholesterol, chocolate, fats and bacon, the government is running out of items to regulate, read tax. The EPA is already looking towards a Cow flatulence tax and a farmers dust tax to help stymie falling tax revenues

Besides, as Woody Allen predicted in "The Sleeper" cigarettes are not without their health benefits. They have been shown to stave off the development of Parkinson's disease through some interaction with the brain's nicotine receptors and the prevention of dementia is still a possibility. If you smoke don't stop, but if you do not smoke wait for the small nicotine pills for the prevention of brain rot instead of lighting up.

The clueless overpaid blond and beautiful bubble-headed babblers who adorn our flat screen TVs and pose as intellectuals here to tell us what to think were baffled beautiful babblers by Candidate Cain's smoke advertisement.

Look for more subliminal messages in Herman Cain's political ads. If you understand it you will vote for a man with his political philosophy. Look at the others in the field for the republicans.

Romney, nanny state sponsor; Gingrich, nanny-boy (global warmist), Perry, stealth nanny statist, Bachmann, OK probably, Ron Paul, OK probably; Santorum, nanny-boy.

Herman Cain scares the hell out of the established power brokers and thus the negative background noise from the press who should not be able to turn an election, but still can, but to a lesser extent than when Clinton first ran. Cain is a powerful man with testosterone receptors in all the right places. He was raised with strong family values in the South when racism truly permeated our society here and he won life's lottery against huge odds through hard work and determination.

Herman Cain will bring that sort of dedication to the presidency and will fight for this country like no other. He knows how to row against the currents. When he is sworn in his work will be cut out for him. He will meet the challenge. He will make us proud.

Is he a polished politician? No. Will he make gaffes during the campaign? Yes. When everything you say is recorded and dissected, sometimes your mouth gets ahead of your brain and something comes out even you did not expect. So what!

My advice to Herman Cain is to keep putting your ideas out there and be Herman Cain. It has been successful for you so far.

Cain looks like the best fit for our country, a once proud and prosperous nation felled by Super-Nanny Statist Barack Hussein Obama and a government packed with well meaning nanny-boys who are looking out for us.

Blah, blah, blah, don't smoke around the baby, blah, blah, blah don't eat that bacon and eggs, blah, blah, the earth is warming, blah, blah, blah, coal and oil are evil sources of energy, blah blah, blah guns are dangerous, blah, blah, blah, let me just feel your package before you get on that plane, blah, blah, blah God and prayer have no place in schools, blah, blah, blah, we don't need to defend our borders! Fences are for sissies!

Hello, Herman Cain, good-bye Nanny!

Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center