Candy Alt Crowley was born in Michigan, raised in Missouri and New York and took a degree in English from a major American University. She has worked her way up the ladder in Television without the benefits of strikingly good looks or a stunning figure. Does this mean she is intellectual? Or, is she just some kind of a fat freaky affirmative action hero for all the big gals fresh out of journalism school trying to land that first TV gig?
Oddly she is a vegetarian and spends as much as 17 hrs and 39 minutes of each and every day consuming vegetables high in fiber. With 4 hours and 29 minutes in the bathroom added, this leaves only a few short hours for this remarkable woman to complete her liberally slanted reporting for CNN.
I got my first glimpse of the rotund reporterette, Ms. Crowley, during the run-up for the 1996 presidential election between Bill Clinton, to whom CNN assigned a beautiful young female reporter whose name escapes me, and that old war horse, Bob Dole, with a much younger and heavy Candy Crowley assigned to cover his campaign for CNN.
Flash a picture of Bill Clinton then have a beautiful blond bombshell talk with pouty lips and seductive bedroom eyes for 90 seconds, and I would involuntarily touch myself. Pretty soon, as soon as I saw Bill Clinton on CNN, I would get myself ready for what would follow.
Flash over to the Bob Dole segment which followed the coverage of the Clinton Campaign. Usually it began with a short clip of Dole without make-up growling and fighting with his useless right or was it his left arm? Then for analysis a close in shot of Candy Crowley's obese and hideous face and my pleasure centers were shut down for the obvious biologically based reason.
CNN used psychology to push Clinton's re-election in 1996. The republican party used Bob Dole to the same effect. CNN used the only reporter who was more repugnant than Dole, and if you do not believe me go back and watch some of the clips.
I do not know if CNN still picks the uglies to follow the republicans as I have not watched CNN since 1996 and the rise of FOXNEWS, but it would not surprise me.
Ms. Crowley is a liberal hag and hates men, especially beautiful, rich, white men like Governor Romney and will surely do her best to see to it the debate tonight paints Mr. Romney in an unfavorable light. I have hacked into Ms. Crowley's computer and have a list of her questions for tonight and have chosen a couple to share with you. This is hush-hush.
THE DEBATE:
Governor Romney, this question is from Mauduline Serrano, mother of the great artist Andresse Serrano, with his most famous work as you may or may not know, is "Piss Christ" of the Later Day Saints.
The question is: "You have already threatened to cut public funding for PBS, will you also cut funding for the arts, ballet, the symphony, NPR, and anything else in America which by its nature does not appeal to enough people to support itself if you and Congressman Ryan are somehow, by some fluke elected over that wonderful man, Barack Hussein Obama who is seated to my right?"
Contrast that with her first question for President Obama: "President Obama, first let me thank you for taking time out from your important job as President to spend this time with us, your adoring public. Your first question is from David Axelrod..um, I mean Bob Dandruff, of Ridgeway, CT and his question for you is this: "Mr. President, my wife and I have three daughters, and two are ugly enough to host this debate, but the third is meddling good looking and we want to know what you are going to do to provide her with free birth control and unlimited abortions during her pre-teen and teenage years?"
I think my enlightened readers already know how this is going to play out, Candy Crowley will use her tremendous weight to tip the debate for Obama. I just hope Mitt Romney can keep his cool and does not call Candy Crowley a fat and ugly liberal skank from Michigan. That might just throw Michigan into the solid Obama column.
Don't get me wrong, I got nothing against fat and ugly skanks from Michigan, I just hate liberals.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
UPLC Advice to Romney: DO NOT COW TO CANDY CROWLEY, KINDLY REMIND HER SHE IS THE MODERATOR NOT A FACILITATOR AND YOU ARE THE CANDIDATE AND DESERVE EQUAL TIME. IF THIS DOES NOT WORK TOSS A KINGSIZE BABY RUTH ON THE TABLE AND MOVE BACK.
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