Tooting one's own horn when it is connected to a red Ford Shelby GT 500 mustang with a supercharged 550 horsepower 5.4 litre (sophisticated European spelling only when I am feeling braggadocios as today) engine is icing on the cake of accolades.
I read my post on Jan 11, 2012, and having just a touch of dementia, marveled at my creation! Today's post is the challenge for all 50 of my readers today to re read that post which says "Mitt Romney will not play well in Dixie. We may talk funny down here in the South, but we can spot phony a mile away. Mitt is phony........"
That post was damn near a prediction of Mitt's loss of South Carolina. I did not know who would beat Romney, but only that he would not win a truly southern state.
But Jack, Florida polls show Mitt Romney leading in that southern state. Aw yes, green grasshopper, real southerners have realized Florida has not been a part of Dixie since the civil war when first it was overrun with Yankees, and they kept coming down in droves, driven out of New York and New Jersey, and Michigan by a combination of thinning blood, thinning skin, thinning hair and harsh winters. Florida is politically a northern state in the sunshine belt. The natives are outnumbered by the carpetbaggers who like to wear plaid shorts and play shuffleboard with their hideously fluorescent white legs exposed for all to see. Many of them keep their numbskulled union ideals of liberalism and socialism as they drink from the government troughs of social security and medicare.
Mitt Romney could win Florida without winning a southern state.
Congratulations Newt Gingrich. You have won a state on the strength of your vision and your golden oratory skills. The challenges you will face from an ever increasingly hostile press shall be herculean. They hate you now for your daring to call them out on the hit piece about the open marriage. John King and CNN had their balls handed to them by you last Thursday night in South Carolina. You are less likely to get hurt playing with a wasp and hornet teaser than messing with the vindictive people who sell satellite transmission waves by the millions! Get ready for them to double down on the attacks.
They are going to go Palin on you!
Keep your cool. Save your off the cuff rants for your closest staff and confidants only. Be sure you are off mike if you say anything that can be used against you. To be certain you are now the big fish in the little barrel and all the major media monsters would like the bragging rights as the one who bagged Newt Gingrich. I'll even bet there is a million dollar reward for the reporter who can scoop the story or scandal that sinks the Newt juggernaut!
Be very, very careful. Trust no one. Keep your huge ego in check until Jan 20, 2013 and all will be well. Confident and humble plays well. Thank your creator at each speech. The media hate that. It is like garlic to vampires, the constitution to Barack Obama, water to a house cat, soap to Willie Nelson, intellect to Lindsay Lohan; must I persist with the endless similes? Just be sure to thank God and open each presser with a short prayer. That will kill them!
A prayer that is useful in dealing with the demons of the media or any demons is: "Keep thee behind me Satan, in the name of Jesus Christ my lord and savior." This should be repeated in your head or whispered when the satanic attack begins. I have seen it work on seriously violent schizophrenics on more than one occasion. It should work well on the mildly delusional press corps!
If you need me to be your Karl Rove, I can free up my calender. I am probably the smartest political operative without a doubt in Cedar Grove.
One last little bit of advice, Newt. What ever you do in Florida, make sure no one gets a photo of you playing shuffleboard in plaid shorts with your pasty white legs exposed for all to see. That is a deal breaker! Just trust me on this one. You look better with your clothes on to everybody but Callista.
Good luck, Newt. Good luck Rick. Mitt needs to shake a few more skeletons out of the closet if he wants to be a contender. The South has a great nose for phony. We haven't trusted anybody from north of the Mason-Dixon line since 1861. Our relatives lived through the Reconstruction, remember. We sure as hell do.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President, Urban Poverty Law Center
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