I was in the local Walmart picking up kitty litter, dog food, and hair spray for my niece, the one who was gonna fix Mitt Romney's hair if he had made it to the First Cedar Grove Republican Presidential Candidates Debate, but he didn't show, when a complete stranger came up and asked me for directions.
"How does one slow cook a turkey?"
She was a handsome woman. I took her to be shy, but nigh forty. Her features were symmetric, her nose with the slightest Bob Hope "hook", otherwise she was flawless.
Her dentures were spotless and glistened when she smiled. She smiled a lot, because the only lines on her face were her smile lines. Her face was framed by thick auburn hair which flowed comfortably to her shoulders. Like her dentures her hair shouted "clean enough the eat off!" Her lips were full and round, and almost "pouty" when first I noticed.
Her neck was taut and tanned. The kind of tan one would get playing tennis or taking long hikes out in nature, you know, out in the sunshine. Not a tan from hard labor outside. The muscles of her arms and legs were well defined, not freakish like those steroid pumped body building trollops in the magazines, just right.
Her look shouted, "Perfect, perfect, you will agree, I am perfect!"
I am not exaggerating when I say that is an understatement.
Her neck appeared to be velvety smooth, and did not give her age away. It was a nice neck. Her clothing hung seductively off her shoulders and took nothing away from her full breasts. Her display of cleavage was ample and at the same time tasteful. Her skin was alabaster and her eyes were black as coals.
And those eyes, when they looked at you, her striking beauty caused you pause. I had to look away so my eyes would not betray the lust I felt for her, a total stranger. I felt color and heat rising up in my face. She will know what is in my heart. Lust, bible burning lust, the take a chance in hell kinda lust. The kind of lust a man may never feel in a lifetime, but feels cheated if he is incapable of this kind of raw passion.
I hoped she did not know I wanted her, real bad, in that Walmart. Me with a basket of kitty litter, hair spray, and dog food. I was thankful I had not picked up my Depends under things as they were way over in the diaper section. I thought I had enough at home if I was careful and limited my fluids for the next couple of days.
Her legs were tanned and tight, not a vein out of place. No blemishes either. Her tight fitting cargo pants outlined her petit yet ample backside and her sweater tapered and clung to her compact waist. Her over all appearance brought Lindsay Lohan to mind, but without the stupid. I was smitten.
"Pardon me, I did not mean to stare. But you remind me so much of my cousin, Clotiel. Why you could be her twin sister!"
"I have been told that a lot. Not specifically your cousin, but other people around the country."
"It is easy, set the oven for 350 and bake it one half hour for every 2 pounds. A twenty pound bird will take about 5 hours. I hope that helps."
"Thank you. You are a dear!"
I sigh as she turns to depart, realizing I would be needing those Depends after all.
My lust was all bluster and no bone. I was all hat and no cattle. My humiliation was made complete as I watched her walk clean to the meat section where she turned and flashed me that smile and waved. I managed a feeble wave back.
How did she know I would still be looking?
I am such an ass.
Pretty Women can do that to a man.
Jackson Delano Maybolt President, Urban Poverty Law Center
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