Many of my followers, at least my mother, know I was voted Mayor of Cedar Grove, Tennessee when I was in a coma after falling on the ice on the way to feed the chickens last January when we were experiencing a frostie Albert Pheneas Gore sponsored-arctic blast of cold air with chill factors down in the teens.
As mayor I have declared next Thursday, October 6, 2011 to be our community wide Republican Presidential Primary. I have designed the ballots myself, and the candidates will be listed in alphabetical order with Sarah Palin as an alternate to none of the above.
I have extended an invitation to all the major players to attend and have a get together and a pig roast. So far only Ron Paul has agreed to attend. Mitt Romney sent his regrets as Thursday is his day to spend in the beauty shop. Hey, that kind of hair is not natural, ask John Edwards. I told Mitt my 17 yr old niece is in beauty school over at The University Of Finger, Fine School of Cosmic Cosmetology, the Skull Bones, Tennessee branch, and I am sure Beckie Sue Maybolt could make his hair shine!
When I mentioned the possibilities to Beckie Sue, she giggled and wondered aloud if Mitt might want some Grey tones added like Bill Clinton did to make himself look older and wiser when he debated against Bush, the elder and that brawny billionaire crackpot, Ross Perot! No word yet if Mitt will reconsider.
We have reserved the Newly completed Cedar Grove Bingo Parlor and Food Bank and have room for over a hundred. Fire Marshall Flamretardeaux said we could get a waiver and allot 15 to 20 more inside if we agree to have the engine company with both trucks standing by. I haven't decided if it is worth the extra trouble or not. There is still time for all these preparations as it is more than 4 days from now.
Thus far, Melissa McConnely has agreed to sing the opening hymnal. She has a beautiful voice and won the talent portion of the Miss Tennessee Pageant in 1957, and if she had held her shoulders back during the swimsuit portion of the contest, many locals say she would have won the title that year. Pity, how life may have been so different but for good posture. Problem is you never know when your big moment is going to be, and then poof is flashes by and something as ridiculous as bad posture keeps you from a career in Nashville as a singer or Hollywood as a motion picture movie star.
Look what happened to Waylon Jennings when he did not get on the plane with Buddy Holly, he went on to die from complications of diabetes. Life can be unrelenting.
Out of the fire and into the frying pan, or is it out of the frying pan and into the fire? You know what I mean.
Mrs. McConnely seems content looking after her 17 dogs and growing some of the best cucumbers in these parts. She is also good with okra. Her melons may have been lacking back in 57, but her fantastic gardening skills have made up for that in spades. Some of the cattier women around here say she bought and wore large falsies;
I am sorry to say my mother was among them.
Falsies were the poor gals breast implants of the 50's and 60's. It was a padded bra that made girls who otherwise needed a tattoo on the chest stating this side up look chestier in clothing. Maybolt women were full breasted and in fact as they aged, the breast and the waist merged. We never had the kind of excitement they talk about when granny got her teat caught in the ringer, but it was only because they were very, very careful!
I see where Bill Clinton is asking for some R E S PECT, find out what it means to me.
I feel sorry for white haired Bill. He has ridden off into obscurity and insignificance, a hard ride for a narcissist! I will invite him to be on the panel to ask questions of Ron Paul and who ever else decides to show for the Nation's First Republican National Presidential Primary.
I only hold the first so that Iowa, Florida, Colorado, and New Hampshire can cool down and get back to other inconsequential matters of state.
Tickets will be on a first come, first served basis, and only Fox News is allowed to press the event. All other news outlets are too biased to fairly treat our nations greatest politicial figures on the Republican side. They need to show a little bit more R E S PECT.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
Mayor, Cedar Grove, Tennessee
"Women with small breasts should wear a large hat." Mother Maybolt, 1923-2008
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