Somehow, a leader of the Flea Party, so named by a malicious group of middle class Americans who work hard and play by the rules and pay the majority of the income tax, raise the majority of soldiers and policemen, and attend most of the churches, sent me a copy of the Fleagaggers demands. He has asked if I would critique it. Wood Eye!
Below is the missive Leif Clinton James Throckmorton, VI pinned to me, actually sent on his I-phone:
Jack Maybolt, President
Urban Poverty Law Center
Cedar Grove, Tennessee 38321
Jack, Dude,
I am in trouble here. You gotta help me out. I came to the OWS looking to score some good drugs and maybe some slide time with one of the cleaner chicks. Some how I was outed as a Ivy League trained history and English major and was drafted to write our demands. Some of the people here are unbalanced.
We had a meeting of a steering committee and a fellow who goes by the moniker, "Whack Job", aptly because he masturbates every two hours is demanding free physical therapy for those like him. His right arm dwarfs his left. Thank God he did not want me to shake his hand!
One chick on the steering committee, who sports the thickest and greasiest curly hair I have ever seen, demanded the end of the internal combustion engine, and we go back to a family farm based economy. I suggested she wash her mop and she got all indignant and said she did once a quarter and I should just mind my own business. I think the EPA has been snooping around and may declare her head a toxic waste site.
A fellow they call Stone wanted more access to skate board parks, said if we could legislate handicap access, it would be just one small step further to demand all public buildings become board use friendly. He said it is a logical transition from skate board extreme to wheelchair bound so why not merge the two functions.
Windy, who flew out to New York from Bolder, Colorado, sports a killer set of knockers, and demands minority status to young women with perfect teats. She feels oppressed by her gift of as she refers to them," a matched set made in heaven." She would like to be taken seriously for her mind, and I was guilty of not hearing a word she said once I got a good look at that magnificent cleavage! I knew who I was going to spend the rest of the day with. Turns out she is a lesbian, told me she did not like men, and I told her we had that in common, but it got me nowhere man.
One dude, they call Rhino, tried to demand limited government, lower taxes, rule of law and recognition that the Bill of Rights is undeniable. He was shown the door.
Then the faces, breasts, smells, breath and voices all seemed to melt together in a cacophony of sights and sounds, bits of which I record below in no particular order of relevance:
1: 20 hour work week
2: Free Universal health care
3: Living wage
4. legalize all drugs
5: outlaw all family transfers of wealth established trust funds excluded
6: 100% estate tax at death
7: free college tuition for life and pay living wage to college students
8: free beer and pizza for life
9: peace on earth
10: mandatory euthanasia for people over 45
11: free travel
12; free energy
13: free food
14: 6 months paid vacation a year
15: flexible work schedule
16: free housing
17: free phones and Internet
18: no taxes on people under 30
Jack, I need some help! Throw me a bone! I think I just stepped in some dog poop. Oh, man there are no dogs at this park.
I gotta get out of here.
Leif
My reply:
Send photo of Windy's rack. I will get to work on a list of demands as soon as I get the pics.
Do not touch "Whack Job" in the mean time!
Later Dude,
Jackson Delano Maybolt Proud Sponsor of Occupy Wall Street, the Cedar Grove Branch
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