Only two things in life are certain, death and taxes, and now we can add a third certaintee; Warren Buffett has gone all wobbly in the mind precipitated by years of coddling from an overly indulgent government. Or so the saying goes. Apparently, the elder financial wizard of Wall Street and Berkshire-Hathaway fame feels the government did not asked enough of him.
Warren is known for stating he pays a lower effective rate in taxes than his secretary who earns $249,999.99 a year and not one penny more. Seems she is trying to avoid the kind of coddling her boss has had to endure all these years by the kleptocrats in Deficitville, DC. The coddling begins with the super wealthy millionaires who earn more than $250,000 a year. And this minority of about 1.5 million citizens earn 22% of the income and are coddled into paying 37% of the total tax burden.
Oh, the coddling, the schmoozing, the treatment these achievers can expect when the Revenuers come a knocking.
The SKIT:
IRS Agent Robber Hoodwinks: Mrs. Chesterfield, we have noted some irregularities in your 2003 income tax returns.
Buffett's Secretary, Harriet Chesterfield: Well I have brought all my records and am ready to answer your questions if I can.
Agent Hoodwinks: On line 15a under business deductions, you have $18,345.57 in clothing donations. In your tax bracket this gives you a $6,111 tax break and we need to see some receipts.
Chesterfield: I have them right here, Mr. Hoodwinks. The undergarments are all from Victoria's Secrets, and my dresses all come from Saks Fifth Avenue. I have the receipts.
Agent Hoodwinks(looking over the receipts): The underwear can only be taken off your taxes at $4 per pair, no matter how much you paid. It is the law. Dresses are only allowed $12. Give me a moment here, 37 fives divided by 13 carry the 7 and with taxes, interest, and penalties on the $1,207 you underpaid us in 2003, let me see, you can write me a check for $47,622.13 and we will call it good.
Chesterfield: Are you kidding me? $47,622 for an honest oversight on my personal income taxes in 2003?
Agent Hoodwinks: And 13 cents. Yes mam, that is correct.
Chesterfield: Well, I do not have that kind of money. I will need some time to get it together.
Agent Hoodwinks: We can set you up on a payment plan, but of course you know the interest and penalties will still be accruing until you can make good on your obligation to your country.
Chesterfield: I understand, can I write you a check for $25 today?
Agent Hoodwinks: Make it for $25 and 13 cents so you won't have that hanging over your head. Call the office in the am and my gal can get you set up on a payment plan. Here is my card, pleasure doing business with you.
Chesterfield: Thank you Mr. Hoodwinks.
Agent Hoodwinks: Please Mrs. Chesterfield, call me Robber.
Chesterfield: I'll say.
Agent Hoodwinks: What?
Chesterfield: I'll say it has been nice to meet you too, Robber!
Agent Hoodwinks: Good day.
Chesterfield: Bye-bye.
Post Script: In the end Warren Buffett paid the amount for his secretary but the next year she forgot to claim it as income and is undergoing treatment at the Betty Ford Center for substance abuse since she became depressed and hit the bottle rather hard trying to forget her worries. Robber Hoodwinks got promoted from field officer to regional supervisor and makes $175,698 plus $52,875 in benefits and retirement, and refuses to file an income tax return as it is illegal and there is no law stating one has to pay on wages. The courts do not know this however, so the scam goes on and on.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
"The rich have nothing to fear of the taxman, they can afford accountants and lawyers. If Mr. Buffett wants to pay more taxes, he can pay mine, too!" Mother Maybolt, 1919-2008
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