Friends,
Over at the Holladay Diner yesterday, I was talking with Jug Cochs about the economy and his tax preparer told him that Tennessee was going to require him to purchase workmans compensation insurance on hisself! Now I ain't that bright, but Jug is self-employed with no employees ceptin hisself. Tennessee wants him to be both employer and employee. He said he would be faced with a 15% tax of his gross if he made more than $52,000, imagine a tax of this magnitude applied to his other taxes. It might look something like this:
Jug Cochs tax return 2010
Gross income: $52,001
self employment tax / medicare tax $7,600
workmans comp tax $7,600
income tax $7,600
business tax $3,000
property tax $1,500
sales tax $2,000
total tax $29,300 total left for Jug to spend is $22,701
Jug is not a happy camper. He was even unhappier when I told him that even the serfs of the middle ages only had to give 1/12 to the lord of the manor. Jug wants to be a serf and not a slave. I agree, but I told Jug that me and the Urban Poverty Law Center was fighting on his behalf as soon as he drops over into poverty which looks like it is coming next year if these tax levels hold out! He was not amused. Seriously, working Americans are getting pissed off. This could make our work at the Law Center more difficult. Even Karl Marx knew it was easier to help pacified poor than the irritable poor. The hungry poor are most disagreeable and prone to outburst of violence. Stalin knew if you can't feed them you have to kill them. Those are just the facts as detestable as they may be. Hitler knew that a man without a gun is an easier mark than one with a gun. Americans have guns and no Hitler thus far.
The Urban Poverty Law Center's policy on gun control is "all legal residents of the fifty states should be free to own and bare arms, without infringement by anyone in government." Our belief is the current Federal Firearms Acts form is too intrusive and needs to be shortened to something like:
The New Urban Poverty Law Center ATF gun purchasing form: Do you already legally own a gun? If Yes, go ahead, buy another.
If No, why not?
Then go into the questionnaire on mental competence and felony convictions.
I need to make more of the shenanigans in Copenhagen by the Watchers. Watchers is a term we have here at the UPLC for those people who have moved up the people ladder and do not produce anything of value for mankind. All Watchers are easily identified by uncalloused well-manicured hands and perfectly coiffured hair and Italian suits. If they are not brown they are well tanned. Their teeth are their own and perfectly white. They work from 11am to 2pm with a 2 hr lunch break and two 30 minute coffee breaks. They all make 6 + figure salaries and travel all over the world free. They have generous expense accounts. The United Nations is staffed by Watchers. Urban Poverty Law Center will take a look at just one of these Watchers. His name is Doctor Rajendra Pachauri.
Dr. Pachauri is the head of the United Nations Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change. He is a graduate of the famous Railroad and Engineers Institute in India whose name escapes me now. He is not a Climatologist, he is a Watcher. He planned the Climate Confab in Copenhagen. He traveled over 443,243 miles over the past 18 months leading up to the Confab including two trips from New York to Delhi just to practice Cricket and play a Cricket match. He is a Watcher of the highest order. I have not ever seen a picture of Rajandra, but he must be very handsome and not know about computers and how to send emails or how to setup online meetings to save the planet of all the carbon spewing out of the backs of the UN jet fleet. Watchers are notoriously selfish and self servers. Watchers are wealthy, selfless people like Mother Teresa are poor. I have said too much for now, but be suspicious of all Watchers. Watchers only watch out for themselves. Don't listen to what they say, watch what they do. They think the people who are Producers are stupid, because if they were smart they would be Watchers like them. They are worse than the Scientologists.
More Later on Watchers and Producers.
Jackson Delano Maybolt,
Chief Sociologist, Urban Poverty Law Center
"If you think this is bad just wait for the second act." Mother Maybolt, 1922-2008
Friday, December 18, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center's Balanced Budget Position
Friends,
Watching Politicians in Washington DC squabble about where to spend trillions of dollars both from revenues and borrowed makes my right leg ache and it has not been attached to my torso for over three decades since the John Deere manure spreader mangled it back on that blustery spring day in 1978. I am on disability, SSI, and am only 56 yrs old. Believe you me, I would much rather be working at anything than poking around all alone in mother's house with my four cats. At least I can shape national policy in my work for the UPLC.
I really wanted to opine about the $1.7 trillion deficit that was put together with the TARP(Troubled Asses Relief Program) passed in 2008 and the Stimulus Package passed in January of 2009. This reckless spending before taxes are collected by our representative leaders shirking their fiduciary responsibility to the people is misinformed at best and criminal at worst.
Show me the money! Can Tim Geithner just give us an accounting of where all the TARP funds were placed? Did most of the cash go into secret accounts of Wall Street and Fed Reserve Fat Cats? Does some of this money make its way back into the campaign coffers of our Greatest Deliberative Bodies of the Universe? How will we ever know? No matter. What can we do about it anyway?
Why has only 1/4 th of the Stimulus Package been spent and why did ACORN get $5.7 billion dollars and the Urban Poverty Law Center got $0? Where is the justice?
I promised you a balanced budget plan for idiots. Most will agree that even our representatives could understand this plan. I will give you the one paragraph edition, though I will post the 1000 page edition later for those of you who are so inclined.
All US Gov payments are factored for the deficit. Total Monies spent $4trillion;
Deficit is $1.7 trillion. Reduce all US Gov payments by 1.7/4.0 which is a 42% reduction of all expenditures. Each $100 government outlay would only cost $58 dollars. All Government salaries would see the same cut including Senate, House, and President. If they deficit spend we all suffer equally. It seems only fair. With the balancing of the budget, the checks would go back to parity.
Jackson D. Maybolt, PhD
Chief Economic Adviser, Urban Poverty Law Center
"That's water under the bridge. Precisely where you want it." Mother Maybolt, 1923-2008
Watching Politicians in Washington DC squabble about where to spend trillions of dollars both from revenues and borrowed makes my right leg ache and it has not been attached to my torso for over three decades since the John Deere manure spreader mangled it back on that blustery spring day in 1978. I am on disability, SSI, and am only 56 yrs old. Believe you me, I would much rather be working at anything than poking around all alone in mother's house with my four cats. At least I can shape national policy in my work for the UPLC.
I really wanted to opine about the $1.7 trillion deficit that was put together with the TARP(Troubled Asses Relief Program) passed in 2008 and the Stimulus Package passed in January of 2009. This reckless spending before taxes are collected by our representative leaders shirking their fiduciary responsibility to the people is misinformed at best and criminal at worst.
Show me the money! Can Tim Geithner just give us an accounting of where all the TARP funds were placed? Did most of the cash go into secret accounts of Wall Street and Fed Reserve Fat Cats? Does some of this money make its way back into the campaign coffers of our Greatest Deliberative Bodies of the Universe? How will we ever know? No matter. What can we do about it anyway?
Why has only 1/4 th of the Stimulus Package been spent and why did ACORN get $5.7 billion dollars and the Urban Poverty Law Center got $0? Where is the justice?
I promised you a balanced budget plan for idiots. Most will agree that even our representatives could understand this plan. I will give you the one paragraph edition, though I will post the 1000 page edition later for those of you who are so inclined.
All US Gov payments are factored for the deficit. Total Monies spent $4trillion;
Deficit is $1.7 trillion. Reduce all US Gov payments by 1.7/4.0 which is a 42% reduction of all expenditures. Each $100 government outlay would only cost $58 dollars. All Government salaries would see the same cut including Senate, House, and President. If they deficit spend we all suffer equally. It seems only fair. With the balancing of the budget, the checks would go back to parity.
Jackson D. Maybolt, PhD
Chief Economic Adviser, Urban Poverty Law Center
"That's water under the bridge. Precisely where you want it." Mother Maybolt, 1923-2008
Monday, December 14, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center Policy Statement on Foreign Oil
Friends,
I had a brush with death last week when my Hoverround got stuck in the ice and I fell out and was exposed to freezing temperatures for about 12 hrs before Mrs. Blunderdoss came by and found my nearly lifeless body. My thumb and toes on my left side are gone due to frost bite, but my mind is clear. I have been taking hand fulls of hydrocodone to control the pain. Thank God for these little pleasure pills! Many of my associates out here in Cedar Grove have asked me why the heck we don't just drill for oil here in America and tell the A-rabs to shove all that black crude up their behooties! Well, drilling here in America would be bad for business. Here's why:
Recent world oil consumption is about 90 million barrels per day before the most recent unpleasantness aka, the recession. By international accord all transactions for oil purchases have to be in US Dollars, and only our staunch ally, Iran, will sell their oil in Euro's. This means that at current levels of oil consumption and prices at about $70 per barrel, about $6,300,000,000
are used daily to pruchase petroleum, this translates to about $2,300,000,000,000 read 2.3 trillion US dollars in play each year. Good way to get your currency out there and flowing around the world. The Federal Reserve Bank states that the M1, or supply of liquid money in your pocket or non-savings bank accounts is only 1.3 trillion dollars. M2 is the non-liquid money in savings and money market account which is not as fluid is reportedly at 7.4 trillion dollars.
M1 + M2 is an eye popping 8.7 trillion dollars, but the yearly oil money wheel is over 1/4 of the total of M1 and M2! If oil is not traded in dollars in the future, a lot of money will make its way back home the good old US of A and this may be inflationary! I believe congress knows why we are addicted to foreign oil. We love to spend our money and keep it out there in that geat money wheel. We consume about 25% of the worlds oil for now, but China and India are making a run on it. This is why there are so many poor people in America. Oil, filthy, sticky, stinky, disgusting oil and the dollars that are kept off shore by its acquisition.
Next I will explain how to balance the federal budget painlessly and over night.
Thank you for all the cards and letters wishing a speedy recovery. Your prayers are helping.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Chief Ecconomist Urban Poverty Law Center
"Children who are not dead should be seen and not heard! Children who are dead do not listen anyway." Mother Maybolt, 1928-2008.
I had a brush with death last week when my Hoverround got stuck in the ice and I fell out and was exposed to freezing temperatures for about 12 hrs before Mrs. Blunderdoss came by and found my nearly lifeless body. My thumb and toes on my left side are gone due to frost bite, but my mind is clear. I have been taking hand fulls of hydrocodone to control the pain. Thank God for these little pleasure pills! Many of my associates out here in Cedar Grove have asked me why the heck we don't just drill for oil here in America and tell the A-rabs to shove all that black crude up their behooties! Well, drilling here in America would be bad for business. Here's why:
Recent world oil consumption is about 90 million barrels per day before the most recent unpleasantness aka, the recession. By international accord all transactions for oil purchases have to be in US Dollars, and only our staunch ally, Iran, will sell their oil in Euro's. This means that at current levels of oil consumption and prices at about $70 per barrel, about $6,300,000,000
are used daily to pruchase petroleum, this translates to about $2,300,000,000,000 read 2.3 trillion US dollars in play each year. Good way to get your currency out there and flowing around the world. The Federal Reserve Bank states that the M1, or supply of liquid money in your pocket or non-savings bank accounts is only 1.3 trillion dollars. M2 is the non-liquid money in savings and money market account which is not as fluid is reportedly at 7.4 trillion dollars.
M1 + M2 is an eye popping 8.7 trillion dollars, but the yearly oil money wheel is over 1/4 of the total of M1 and M2! If oil is not traded in dollars in the future, a lot of money will make its way back home the good old US of A and this may be inflationary! I believe congress knows why we are addicted to foreign oil. We love to spend our money and keep it out there in that geat money wheel. We consume about 25% of the worlds oil for now, but China and India are making a run on it. This is why there are so many poor people in America. Oil, filthy, sticky, stinky, disgusting oil and the dollars that are kept off shore by its acquisition.
Next I will explain how to balance the federal budget painlessly and over night.
Thank you for all the cards and letters wishing a speedy recovery. Your prayers are helping.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Chief Ecconomist Urban Poverty Law Center
"Children who are not dead should be seen and not heard! Children who are dead do not listen anyway." Mother Maybolt, 1928-2008.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Pray for Jack, Urban Poverty Law Center Founder in Hospital
Hello,
Jack Maybolt is in the hospital and asked me to write a short note explaining his situation.
It is not good. He was found outside by the barn, Hoverround stuck in ice and disabled. Apparently he was caught out overnight yesterday and the temperature fell to about 20 F.
The doctors expect him to recover, but he is going to lose most of the toes on his remaining foot and his thumb on his left hand. His core body temp when he was found was 83 F. I told him he needed to get rid of those chickens, but he will not listen. Pray for Jack.
Susan Blunderdoss
Secretary, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Feed a chicken, get an egg; feed a man and all you get is shit!" Mother Maybolt, 1928-2008
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center Not Just for the Poor
Friends,
Nothing like a rainy day to lift one's spirit out of the doldrums, doldrums: a band of ocean around the equator where winds often are lacking for weeks and sailing vessels spent more boring time than most sailors could tolerate on glassy water at a standstill. A little history for the educationally challenged amongst us. I rested well last night since George Norry had a dullard on Coast to Coast.
My letter to President Obama is drafted below and I hope you will make constructive comments if it comes across too strong or too timid. Thank you for your time in this most important of endeavors!
Honorable President Barrack Hussein Obama
The White House
Washington, DC 20201
Dear Mr. President,
Let me first congratulate you because never has someone with so little gotten so far so fast in the short history of our representative republic. Your booming voice with its soothing quality is phenomenal. Even when you are saying nothing it is still impressive. Hearing you speak is like listening to opera, but in English! It is truly remarkable and wondrous. God blessed you with some pipes! Have you ever considered singing professionally?
I did not intend to praise you, for with the press as they stand, you surely do not need my accolades to complete your rising star or keep your ego inflated to XXXL, but I am in need of some serious help with my foundation. I know you have heard of the good work that we do here at the Urban Poverty Law Center. We work tirelessly for the rights of our poor brothers and sisters in the ghetto's of our nations largest and on the slide cities, Detroit, Chicago, Los Angeles, Denver, Washington DC, Pittsburgh, Austin to name a few.
We do voter registration drives monthly by hiring pregnant unwed teens to canvass local cemeteries for new registrants. We have fund raisers for community projects such as after school tutorial sessions and clean up abandoned lots and turn them into parks where our children can play. We have drives to buy poor children books they can read and exchange through our mobile book center.
As you can tell from this list of noble acts, we are serious about poverty. Our fellows here at the Urban Poverty Law Center have studied the root causes of poverty in our cities and find one common thread. Lack of money. We need a grant from you to get this message out. Poverty =
a lack of money. It seems simple on the surface, but it is not. Our fellows are hoping to take some grant money and spend/give it out in one of our poorest neighborhoods and then track where it goes. From our research nobody is doing this. We want to answer the question:
where does all the money go? When it hits the street, then what?
I feel certain a brilliant man such as yourself can see this research is vitally needed especially in these embattled times of increasing unemployment and poverty.
I am your dedicated citizen.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, PhD
President, Urban Poverty Law Center
Cedar Grove, TN
"The Good Lord will never burden a person with more that he can bare, but I sure wish He didn't hold me in such high regard." Mother Maybolt, 1924-2008
Nothing like a rainy day to lift one's spirit out of the doldrums, doldrums: a band of ocean around the equator where winds often are lacking for weeks and sailing vessels spent more boring time than most sailors could tolerate on glassy water at a standstill. A little history for the educationally challenged amongst us. I rested well last night since George Norry had a dullard on Coast to Coast.
My letter to President Obama is drafted below and I hope you will make constructive comments if it comes across too strong or too timid. Thank you for your time in this most important of endeavors!
Honorable President Barrack Hussein Obama
The White House
Washington, DC 20201
Dear Mr. President,
Let me first congratulate you because never has someone with so little gotten so far so fast in the short history of our representative republic. Your booming voice with its soothing quality is phenomenal. Even when you are saying nothing it is still impressive. Hearing you speak is like listening to opera, but in English! It is truly remarkable and wondrous. God blessed you with some pipes! Have you ever considered singing professionally?
I did not intend to praise you, for with the press as they stand, you surely do not need my accolades to complete your rising star or keep your ego inflated to XXXL, but I am in need of some serious help with my foundation. I know you have heard of the good work that we do here at the Urban Poverty Law Center. We work tirelessly for the rights of our poor brothers and sisters in the ghetto's of our nations largest and on the slide cities, Detroit, Chicago, Los Angeles, Denver, Washington DC, Pittsburgh, Austin to name a few.
We do voter registration drives monthly by hiring pregnant unwed teens to canvass local cemeteries for new registrants. We have fund raisers for community projects such as after school tutorial sessions and clean up abandoned lots and turn them into parks where our children can play. We have drives to buy poor children books they can read and exchange through our mobile book center.
As you can tell from this list of noble acts, we are serious about poverty. Our fellows here at the Urban Poverty Law Center have studied the root causes of poverty in our cities and find one common thread. Lack of money. We need a grant from you to get this message out. Poverty =
a lack of money. It seems simple on the surface, but it is not. Our fellows are hoping to take some grant money and spend/give it out in one of our poorest neighborhoods and then track where it goes. From our research nobody is doing this. We want to answer the question:
where does all the money go? When it hits the street, then what?
I feel certain a brilliant man such as yourself can see this research is vitally needed especially in these embattled times of increasing unemployment and poverty.
I am your dedicated citizen.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, PhD
President, Urban Poverty Law Center
Cedar Grove, TN
"The Good Lord will never burden a person with more that he can bare, but I sure wish He didn't hold me in such high regard." Mother Maybolt, 1924-2008
Monday, December 7, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center Confessions of a Hacking
Friends,
With all the hubbub and the tittering going on in the Senate, watching the Honorable Senator
Barbara Boxer demand to know who illegally hacked into the Climate Research Units computer system and leaked the email that prove the scientists investigating global warming have lied, I must confess that it was my doing.
I was trying to get into the "Climactic Research Unit.com" site, and only by mistake hit Climate instead of Climactic. I love the videos of the comely young women with all the moaning and groaning. I often leave this site on in the background while I sleep. Well this day, I got into the Climate Research Unit by mistake and suddenly I was in their EMail files and I just hit forward and the next thing I knew my computer started sending information to God only knows where?
I tried to stop it, but it was no use. My computer has a windows program with a virus and the virus went viral and the rest is history. I like weather men, especially the ones on the weather channel who wear the tight sweaters. I sometimes watch it with the sound off. Mother had sweaters, too.
I know what I did to Phillip Jones and Michael Mann to besmirch their reputations was wrong.
I would gladly do anything to put the global warming genie back into the bottle, but the story has grown an ample pair of denial legs and is off and running. I hope Senator Barbara Boxer will accept my explanation that it was accidental and I am truly sorry for any damage to the drive for one world governance and world taxation my mistake may have caused.
If she can find it in her heart to forgive me, I will spend the rest of my life fighting for one world governance and for taxation on carbon through the full force and power of the Urban Poverty Law Center.
A friend of mine called and said our fellow Tennessean, Al Gore Jr. was business partners with Ken Lay of Enron fame and Enron had formed the first Carbon trading company and that Al Gore had positioned himself with a butt load of carbon credits. He is a smart man, but my pal and I are even smarter. We have all the legal rights to Oxygen! Yes that is correct. We own all the oxygen credits. Oxygen is a naturally occurring element atomic number 16. It was discovered in the 1500's by some scientist in England but he did not patent it, but we put in for a patent and the UPLC was granted Patent number 58767767599 for exclusive rights to hold and trade, and sell the entire world's supply of Oxygen. The patent is from Monaco, but it is a patent non the less.
What does this mean? Glad you asked. It means that we get two oxygen credits for every carbon credit that must be paid in advance because when you burn hydrocarbons you get CO2 as well as some H2O. Because we own all the oxygen on earth, we also can claim ownership of 16/18 percent of all the world's water since the molecular weight of water is this percentage of oxygen. We are trying to decide what a fair price is for each unit of Oxygen, but have narrowed the price to either $0.000000000000000000001 or $0.0000000000000000000015 per Oxygen atom which may be too much since one ounce of water is 18 grams and contains 16 grams of Oxygen and would cost 6.023 X 10 to the 23 or $1.00 taking the lower number. We will do some fudging of the numbers so as not to break the world bank so to speak, but you see how filthy rich we have become by owning all the Oxygen credits! Probably the right thing to do is for everybody to back away from the credits and nobody gets hurt.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Science Editor, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Not all of the monkeys live in the zoo." Mother Maybolt, 1929-2008
With all the hubbub and the tittering going on in the Senate, watching the Honorable Senator
Barbara Boxer demand to know who illegally hacked into the Climate Research Units computer system and leaked the email that prove the scientists investigating global warming have lied, I must confess that it was my doing.
I was trying to get into the "Climactic Research Unit.com" site, and only by mistake hit Climate instead of Climactic. I love the videos of the comely young women with all the moaning and groaning. I often leave this site on in the background while I sleep. Well this day, I got into the Climate Research Unit by mistake and suddenly I was in their EMail files and I just hit forward and the next thing I knew my computer started sending information to God only knows where?
I tried to stop it, but it was no use. My computer has a windows program with a virus and the virus went viral and the rest is history. I like weather men, especially the ones on the weather channel who wear the tight sweaters. I sometimes watch it with the sound off. Mother had sweaters, too.
I know what I did to Phillip Jones and Michael Mann to besmirch their reputations was wrong.
I would gladly do anything to put the global warming genie back into the bottle, but the story has grown an ample pair of denial legs and is off and running. I hope Senator Barbara Boxer will accept my explanation that it was accidental and I am truly sorry for any damage to the drive for one world governance and world taxation my mistake may have caused.
If she can find it in her heart to forgive me, I will spend the rest of my life fighting for one world governance and for taxation on carbon through the full force and power of the Urban Poverty Law Center.
A friend of mine called and said our fellow Tennessean, Al Gore Jr. was business partners with Ken Lay of Enron fame and Enron had formed the first Carbon trading company and that Al Gore had positioned himself with a butt load of carbon credits. He is a smart man, but my pal and I are even smarter. We have all the legal rights to Oxygen! Yes that is correct. We own all the oxygen credits. Oxygen is a naturally occurring element atomic number 16. It was discovered in the 1500's by some scientist in England but he did not patent it, but we put in for a patent and the UPLC was granted Patent number 58767767599 for exclusive rights to hold and trade, and sell the entire world's supply of Oxygen. The patent is from Monaco, but it is a patent non the less.
What does this mean? Glad you asked. It means that we get two oxygen credits for every carbon credit that must be paid in advance because when you burn hydrocarbons you get CO2 as well as some H2O. Because we own all the oxygen on earth, we also can claim ownership of 16/18 percent of all the world's water since the molecular weight of water is this percentage of oxygen. We are trying to decide what a fair price is for each unit of Oxygen, but have narrowed the price to either $0.000000000000000000001 or $0.0000000000000000000015 per Oxygen atom which may be too much since one ounce of water is 18 grams and contains 16 grams of Oxygen and would cost 6.023 X 10 to the 23 or $1.00 taking the lower number. We will do some fudging of the numbers so as not to break the world bank so to speak, but you see how filthy rich we have become by owning all the Oxygen credits! Probably the right thing to do is for everybody to back away from the credits and nobody gets hurt.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Science Editor, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Not all of the monkeys live in the zoo." Mother Maybolt, 1929-2008
UPLC has its first employ
Friends,
It is with great pleasure to let you all know the Urban Poverty Law Center has hired its first employee! Ms. Susan Blunderdoss has agreed to do light clerical work and cook supper three days a week. Now she is a fine church going lady. Attends the New Liberty Church for Christs Sake and sings in the choir. She is widowed and has a son, Toby Blunderdoss, who is 14 years old and attends the West Carroll County High School and plays the tuba in the marching band.
Here is where it gets interesting. Toby saw a special on the cosmos with Carl Sagan about 3 years ago and when he learned from Dr. Sagan the number of objects hurtling towards our blue planet, he became extremely agitated and finally after some coaxing from his mother confided in her his fear. He was afraid that one of those stones traveling at 17,000 mph and heading towards earth was going to strike him and kill him right there.
This phobia causes young Toby to walk in a sporadic fashion, always cutting this way then that, sometimes walking backwards sometimes taking side steps. This he feels makes him a harder target for that rock out there which he is convinced has his number. Mike McAnulty, the band director for the West Carroll County High School has been great. When they preform for high school football games he lets Toby march behind the band and allows him to do what ever free style steps he needs. The fans eat it up. Toby is in therapy, but his progress has seemed to hit a plateau.
Ms. Blunderdoss has typed the letter inviting former President Manuel Zelaya to Cedar Grove to become a fellow of the Urban Poverty Law Center. I sent it with the mail carrier today care of the Brazillian Embassy in Honduras. I hope it gets there.
I am watching the proceedings in Copenhagen very carefully. I will come out with a policy statement in the next few hours. I think it is time to invite Al Gore, Jr to speak to the Cedar Grove Nudist's chapter for the prevention of global warming. They are not strict nudists as they will wear hats and gloves and boots on particularly blustery cool days. They are still a sight when they take their jogs through the community. Mother Maybolt used to say in disgust that is why god invented clothiers when she would see them jogging past our place in birthday suits.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD.
President Urban Poverty Law Center
"If at first you did not secede, you must be the South after the Civil War." Mother Maybolt, 1923-2008
It is with great pleasure to let you all know the Urban Poverty Law Center has hired its first employee! Ms. Susan Blunderdoss has agreed to do light clerical work and cook supper three days a week. Now she is a fine church going lady. Attends the New Liberty Church for Christs Sake and sings in the choir. She is widowed and has a son, Toby Blunderdoss, who is 14 years old and attends the West Carroll County High School and plays the tuba in the marching band.
Here is where it gets interesting. Toby saw a special on the cosmos with Carl Sagan about 3 years ago and when he learned from Dr. Sagan the number of objects hurtling towards our blue planet, he became extremely agitated and finally after some coaxing from his mother confided in her his fear. He was afraid that one of those stones traveling at 17,000 mph and heading towards earth was going to strike him and kill him right there.
This phobia causes young Toby to walk in a sporadic fashion, always cutting this way then that, sometimes walking backwards sometimes taking side steps. This he feels makes him a harder target for that rock out there which he is convinced has his number. Mike McAnulty, the band director for the West Carroll County High School has been great. When they preform for high school football games he lets Toby march behind the band and allows him to do what ever free style steps he needs. The fans eat it up. Toby is in therapy, but his progress has seemed to hit a plateau.
Ms. Blunderdoss has typed the letter inviting former President Manuel Zelaya to Cedar Grove to become a fellow of the Urban Poverty Law Center. I sent it with the mail carrier today care of the Brazillian Embassy in Honduras. I hope it gets there.
I am watching the proceedings in Copenhagen very carefully. I will come out with a policy statement in the next few hours. I think it is time to invite Al Gore, Jr to speak to the Cedar Grove Nudist's chapter for the prevention of global warming. They are not strict nudists as they will wear hats and gloves and boots on particularly blustery cool days. They are still a sight when they take their jogs through the community. Mother Maybolt used to say in disgust that is why god invented clothiers when she would see them jogging past our place in birthday suits.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD.
President Urban Poverty Law Center
"If at first you did not secede, you must be the South after the Civil War." Mother Maybolt, 1923-2008
Urban Poverty Law Center Invitation to Manuel Zelaya
Friends,
We are still reeling from our loss here in Cedar Grove of the Metro Bingo Parlor/Food Bank!
I know the world keeps on spinning and we need to get past this little set back and continue to make good policy for our poor urban brothers and sisters. It is with this motivation that I have decided to invite ousted President Manuel Zelaya to leave his Honduran hide-out at the Brazilian Embassy and join us at the UPLC here in Cedar Grove.
I have decided we need to reach out to our brown brothers to the south and for this reason I have invited President Zelaya to become the first fellow of the New Urban Poverty Law Center.
It is a position of high honor. I look forward to having President Zelaya as a colleague. I hope to pay him a stipend when we get on our feet financially.
I have been following the Tiger Woods soap opera. As I said before, he is a man, and so far all of the women who have come forward have been of age and beautiful, and as Mother said, "what's in a couple of minutes of bumping uglies. Where do you think you came from? Under a rock?"
What I am trying to say is what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And if love is not possible, blisteringly hot megastar affairs is a good start. Hell, Tiger and Elin, and et c., et c., et c., Mother always said, "You know, you can't wear out something that makes its own grease! But that does not keep us from trying, and God knows we all tried when we were young."
Sorry, I got off point. We are going to be writing to President Obama for some money for the Urban Poverty Law Center. We need to take it to the next level. The only thing we need to do this is more money. I will be appearing on radio and TV and will need a make-over and some new clothes. My leisure suit, polyester of course, in green plaid is a bit snug and looks funny with my right leg missing and all. So you see where I am coming from. I do not want to spend all my settlement money on this cause, but I will if we cannot get charitable contributions from the givernment, shit did I just misspell government. Well givernment or government either will do, you all know what I meant.
I have been studying the climate change crisis and hope to come out with a policy statement for the Urban Poverty Law Center this week to coincide with the Copenhagen Climactic Confab, which is being held in Copenhagen, Denmark. Did you ever notice the breasts on the little mermaid statue in Copenhagen harbor? They are really nice and firm. Only suggestion for the Danes, that is what they call people from Denmark, would be to paint her upper half in flesh tones, that would be really nice!
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
President, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Life is too short not to do who ever you can." Mother Maybolt, 1925-2008
We are still reeling from our loss here in Cedar Grove of the Metro Bingo Parlor/Food Bank!
I know the world keeps on spinning and we need to get past this little set back and continue to make good policy for our poor urban brothers and sisters. It is with this motivation that I have decided to invite ousted President Manuel Zelaya to leave his Honduran hide-out at the Brazilian Embassy and join us at the UPLC here in Cedar Grove.
I have decided we need to reach out to our brown brothers to the south and for this reason I have invited President Zelaya to become the first fellow of the New Urban Poverty Law Center.
It is a position of high honor. I look forward to having President Zelaya as a colleague. I hope to pay him a stipend when we get on our feet financially.
I have been following the Tiger Woods soap opera. As I said before, he is a man, and so far all of the women who have come forward have been of age and beautiful, and as Mother said, "what's in a couple of minutes of bumping uglies. Where do you think you came from? Under a rock?"
What I am trying to say is what the world needs now is love, sweet love. And if love is not possible, blisteringly hot megastar affairs is a good start. Hell, Tiger and Elin, and et c., et c., et c., Mother always said, "You know, you can't wear out something that makes its own grease! But that does not keep us from trying, and God knows we all tried when we were young."
Sorry, I got off point. We are going to be writing to President Obama for some money for the Urban Poverty Law Center. We need to take it to the next level. The only thing we need to do this is more money. I will be appearing on radio and TV and will need a make-over and some new clothes. My leisure suit, polyester of course, in green plaid is a bit snug and looks funny with my right leg missing and all. So you see where I am coming from. I do not want to spend all my settlement money on this cause, but I will if we cannot get charitable contributions from the givernment, shit did I just misspell government. Well givernment or government either will do, you all know what I meant.
I have been studying the climate change crisis and hope to come out with a policy statement for the Urban Poverty Law Center this week to coincide with the Copenhagen Climactic Confab, which is being held in Copenhagen, Denmark. Did you ever notice the breasts on the little mermaid statue in Copenhagen harbor? They are really nice and firm. Only suggestion for the Danes, that is what they call people from Denmark, would be to paint her upper half in flesh tones, that would be really nice!
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
President, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Life is too short not to do who ever you can." Mother Maybolt, 1925-2008
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center Fun Razer Tragedy!
Friends,
It is with a heavy heart and a broken soul that I must report that the first UPLC fun razer for the poor of Detroit was hit by unforeseen tragedy. Myrtle Millingen who was in charge of the kitchen plugged too many appliances into the outlets in a clear violation of Cedar Groves fire codes and fire consumed the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Parlor/ Food Bank. Fortunately no one was hurt, but by the time the all volunteer fire department arrived, there was nothing for them to do except cool the smoldering ashes of what once was a proud land mark in Cedar Grove for over a century.
I think all will agree that we will take our $217 that we raised for the Dozer for Detroit and apply these to rebuild the Bingo Parlor/Food Bank right here in Cedar Grove! Charity begins at home.
I have not given up on the Dozer for Detroit plans, but fate is such an unpredictable beast when all the best laid plans of mice and men are often lead asunder.
Me and Larry Simmons tried to list the Bigfoot big toe on ebay and were rejected. I do not think they believe us. We will try on Craig's List. It is Saturday afternoon and I have to get a nap as I had a fitful night after the fire and all. Even some time in mother's merkin drawer did not cheer me up. I'm down, I'm really down. I'm down, down on the ground! How can you laugh? When you know I'm down. How can you laugh?
More later when spirits lift out of the funk.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Treasurer, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Just when you thought life could not deal you a worse hand, believe me it can!" Mother Maybolt 1922-2008
Friday, December 4, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center Fun Razer For Dozer Upstaged!
Friends,
It is with great excitement I report Skip Reasons, Lonnie's second boy by his third wife, Matildie, had an accident while driving through Natches Trace State Park late yesterday. Now he is alright, but his pick-up is totaled. The way Lonnie tells it, Skippy was traveling east on Cavia Road, just before you get to the Shiloh Baptist Church and a large hairy figure stepped out of the woods and Skip swerved to miss the creature that he says stood head and shoulders above the top of his Chevy Silverado!
Skippy hit the creature in a glancing blow and slammed into a large white oak. Fortunately he was wearing his seat belts and the air bag deployed. Next thing Skippy knew the creature was looking in the window at him and then it screamed a blood curdling cry and limped into the woods to the north. Lonnie and his brother Jug got Larry Simmons to bring his wrecker out and tow Skip's truck home. Larry says he found a piece of the creature on the road while he was sweeping the plastic and glass off the road. Skippy looked to be unhurt, but he was loaded when Lonnie and Jug got there and they took him home while Larry got the truck. Larry says he just thought Skippy was making up the "miss the creature" as an excuse just like Lonnie and Jug did. Skippy has a reputation for drinking more than Dean Martin and crashing more that Dale Ernhardt. Larry seen the hair and blood on the fender, then he thought just an unlucky deer, but the hair was not right. That's when Larry seen the toe.
Larry brought the piece of the creature to me cause he knows I listen to CoasttoCoast at night and am considered the only expert in UFOlogy and cryptozoology in this area. It also helps that I have a PhD and they think I am a doctor. Country people are so gullible. Anyway, Larry brings this toe out to the house and I did some measurements on it and it is the first and the second phalanges and it is huge. It is eight and a half inches around and six and a quarter inches long.
I looked at Larry and declared, "Looks like you have Bigfoot's bigtoe!" It has hair on top and the bottom is hairless. Looks to have about half pound of meat on the toe too.
Larry wanted to take it over to the Jackson State Community College and give it to the Zoologist there, Dr. Finkbinder, but I told him I had a better idea. I convinced Larry that we should take Bigfoot's bigtoe and put it on ice and put it up for auction on ebay. Larry and I think it will bring over a couple of hundred dollars and put the funds towards the dozer for Detroit! If you go to Ebay look the item up in the advance search. Bid to win! It will be up tonight. For now it is in a baggie in my freezer. I am so excited.
See you tonight at the fund razer. Be ready for some good food and a lot of just plain fun for all and for a great cause.
Jack D. Maybolt PhD
CryptoZoologist/Science editor Urban Poverty Law Center
"You can't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear." Mother Maybolt's comment to me when she learned I was taking the community skank to the senior prom. 1926-2008
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center Policy Statement on Honduras and Bitching
Friends,
Hondurans saw fit to toss President Manuel Zelaya out of office when he tried to unconstitutionally hold onto power indefinitely. The Honduran Congress voted on his removal which is constitutional and the Supreme court held the congressional vote to be valid and he was removed by the military and not shot which is customary in South America, but not constitutional. Interestingly, all the dictatorial thugs in this hemisphere complained including Hildee B. Clinton, our esteemed Secretary of State. Apparently following a constitution sets a bad precedence in a representative republic. Tiny lil Honduras did not bow to the unconstitutional thugocracy and stuck with their constitution and elected Porfirio Lobo as president.
The Urban Poverty Law Center's position on Honduran self-rule and its stand against lawlessness is laudable and should be copied all around the world. The Hondurans traded a tyrant named Manuel Zelaya (translation "hand Job") for president Porfirio Lobo (translation "Blood Wolf")
Hats off to the Honduran people and their representatives for doing the hard work and keeping their people free of tyranny! Let's see President Blood Wolf or Hand Job, I know which one I would rather have at the controls of government. Viva Honduras! A tiny outpost of laws and freedom in a world of ever increasing lawlessness and tyranny.
We will see what the American people can do to stem the tide of unconstitutional usurpations set in motion by those currently at the wheel, drunk with power and high on self-aggrandizement and arrogance, in twenty-ten. Viva Americans!
Jackson D. Maybolt, PhD
Op-ed Chief, Urban Poverty Law Center
"If rape is inevitable, relax and enjoy it. What's a couple of minutes, anyway, it ain't nothing.
Then forget about it." Mother Maybolt's advice to cousin Martha should she be faced with another rape at a fraternity house. 1925-2008
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
UPCL Fund Razer in Two Days!
Friends,
Cedar Grove and the surrounding communities of Lavinia and Leach and Terry have all been abuzz with the excitement surrounding the First Annual Fund Razer For the Poverty Stricken
In Detroit Through No Fault of Their Own, (FAFRFTPSIDTNFOTO) for short. What is all the twittle and twaddle about? As followers of the Urban Poverty Law Center, you know the fund razer will be held at the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Parlor/Food Bank at 6:30 to ? and that barbecue and moonshine and drinks for the kiddies will be available for the low tickets prices, and that four 5 lb blocks of government cheese will be given out as door prizes, all this and more on December 4, 2009.
The buzz is whether Michaele Salahi and her husband will be attending even though they did not receive an invitation. Personally I do not see the attraction. I find her husband to be somewhat of a dud and she seems as appealing as yesterday's cheese grits adorned with lipstick stained cigarette butts. This is from a man who hasn't been with a woman since 1978. But hey, we are not unfriendly here in the South. If Michaele and her tubby man want to attend, they can pay the $7 just like everyone else and have the time of their lives! It is for a good cause, unlike some of the other party's they have recently crashed.
Flashback: Obama's State Dinner for India's Prime Minister, Sik Mi Diki, last week.
President Obama: "How very nice to meet you both Mr. and Mrs. Salahi."
Tareq: "The pleasure is all ours, Mr. President. My but our last name rolled off your tongue
with such ease! We are not used to that."
President Obama: "You forget that I was raised a Muslim in Indonesia and have a cosmopolitan
aire of sophistication not generally available to home spun Americans. You
know like the bunch that we recently replaced here at the White House.
Ha, ha. Praise be to Allaha ha ha."
Michaele: "Mr. President, can I call you Barrak?"
President Obama: "No, Michellie is right over there and may hear you."
Micheale: " Oh, OK, but I find you to be so charming and intellectual compared to my
husband here who I find, after all these years, is incapable of making
an honest living and we are down to government service or bankruptcy.
Can you find him a place in your administration, say a GS-17 or better?"
President Obama: "I will see what I can do. Do you mind living in Detroit?"
Michaele: "Wood eye?"
Well a true story, I have a cousin in the Secret Service and he details the President at the White House. We all know you can't be a Secret Service agent if you are a liar.
I know you are all anxious to hear the Urban Poverty Law Center's position on the ousting of President Manuel Zelaya and the recent election of Porfirio Lobo in Honduras. I am working on a statement, but this international policy stuff cannot be rushed and I hope to spend some time on it this afternoon. Afterall what do I have to do here in my hoveround?
Jackson D. Maybolt, PhD
CEO Urban Poverty Law Center
"Are you kidding? The universe is teaming with life. Why else would there be so much space out there? Mother Maybolt 1927-2008
Cedar Grove and the surrounding communities of Lavinia and Leach and Terry have all been abuzz with the excitement surrounding the First Annual Fund Razer For the Poverty Stricken
In Detroit Through No Fault of Their Own, (FAFRFTPSIDTNFOTO) for short. What is all the twittle and twaddle about? As followers of the Urban Poverty Law Center, you know the fund razer will be held at the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Parlor/Food Bank at 6:30 to ? and that barbecue and moonshine and drinks for the kiddies will be available for the low tickets prices, and that four 5 lb blocks of government cheese will be given out as door prizes, all this and more on December 4, 2009.
The buzz is whether Michaele Salahi and her husband will be attending even though they did not receive an invitation. Personally I do not see the attraction. I find her husband to be somewhat of a dud and she seems as appealing as yesterday's cheese grits adorned with lipstick stained cigarette butts. This is from a man who hasn't been with a woman since 1978. But hey, we are not unfriendly here in the South. If Michaele and her tubby man want to attend, they can pay the $7 just like everyone else and have the time of their lives! It is for a good cause, unlike some of the other party's they have recently crashed.
Flashback: Obama's State Dinner for India's Prime Minister, Sik Mi Diki, last week.
President Obama: "How very nice to meet you both Mr. and Mrs. Salahi."
Tareq: "The pleasure is all ours, Mr. President. My but our last name rolled off your tongue
with such ease! We are not used to that."
President Obama: "You forget that I was raised a Muslim in Indonesia and have a cosmopolitan
aire of sophistication not generally available to home spun Americans. You
know like the bunch that we recently replaced here at the White House.
Ha, ha. Praise be to Allaha ha ha."
Michaele: "Mr. President, can I call you Barrak?"
President Obama: "No, Michellie is right over there and may hear you."
Micheale: " Oh, OK, but I find you to be so charming and intellectual compared to my
husband here who I find, after all these years, is incapable of making
an honest living and we are down to government service or bankruptcy.
Can you find him a place in your administration, say a GS-17 or better?"
President Obama: "I will see what I can do. Do you mind living in Detroit?"
Michaele: "Wood eye?"
Well a true story, I have a cousin in the Secret Service and he details the President at the White House. We all know you can't be a Secret Service agent if you are a liar.
I know you are all anxious to hear the Urban Poverty Law Center's position on the ousting of President Manuel Zelaya and the recent election of Porfirio Lobo in Honduras. I am working on a statement, but this international policy stuff cannot be rushed and I hope to spend some time on it this afternoon. Afterall what do I have to do here in my hoveround?
Jackson D. Maybolt, PhD
CEO Urban Poverty Law Center
"Are you kidding? The universe is teaming with life. Why else would there be so much space out there? Mother Maybolt 1927-2008
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