Friends,
Keep your eye on the ball. Sure Tiger Woods is just a man who can play golf better than anybody else on the planet, but he is still just a man. We all have our merkin drawers. I try not to be too critical of my fellow man. Tiger has a poverty of his soul. A man that has been blessed by the Good Lord with so much talent in one area is not automatically exempt from temptation. I often wonder if there is anything better than a beautiful woman who will share her womanly charms with you. I was not always a eunuch. I had many rides in the saddle so to speak before the John Deere Company saw to it that I would never be able to pleasure a woman again. Bobby Albert said that if God created anything better than a vagina, he kept it up in heaven. I bet ol Tiger wishes He hadn't seen to it over half the world's population had one
and 99% are willing to pull it out and use it on a poor unsuspecting fellow!
I have been following the presidential election of our neighbor to the south, Honduras, and even
though the Urban Poverty Law Center was unable to send a delegate to observe the voting for any irregularities, I have surfed the net and find no problem with the election as far as voting is concerned. So with the powers vested in me, Jack Delano Maybolt, PhD, and president of the UPLC, I do solemnly swear to the best of my knowledge, the presidential results of the Honduran election to be valid and the new president , a what's his se ya ma, can be sworn-in by the proper authority. After the next coup, we hope to have enough money to be able to attend the election in person. First we need to get that Dozer money razed for our war on Urban Poverty in Detroit!
More blogging later. Where is that muse? I think I will ask Tiger to donate his wrecked Cadillac
to the Urban Poverty Law Center and we could tow it around to the county fairs and charge admission to let folks see what his wife can do with a nine iron.
"Pain is like money; neither is fully appreciated until it is yours!" Mother Maybolt, 1926-2008.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, November 28, 2009
UPLC Church Bake Sale a Hit!
Friends,
Boy ol boy, the Good Lord, smiled mightly upon us and our downtrodden brethren in Motown,
Detroit for you younger readers, when he sent many blessings our way! Miss Thelma Whitehead
said the bake sale raised over $57 which is a new personal best for her and the New Liberty Church for Christ's Sake, The Hannover Branch. A bit of Chruch history is in order.
The New Liberty Church for Christ's Sake was founded by Brother Hannover in 1847 when he had a run in with the Liberty Church of Christ. Brother Hannover thought the restrictions on music and dance were too stringent and broke away with a few like minded Liberty Church members and organized the New Liberty Church for Christ's Sake and built it around a beautiful pipe organ that still plays to this day. Cretta May Sims is the present organist and she can really make those polished brass pipes sing! Of course dancing and singing are both allowed which still ain't allowed in the Church of Christ. Brother Jacob Elmo Hannover is the preacher and he is the great, great, great grandson of the church's founder. Brother Jay, as he is called by his flock, has a terrible harelip and his enunciation is sometimes difficult to understand, and all his words that begin with "S" sound like he is saying "Sh". The younuns get a kick everytime after a hymn ends he says to the congregation, "You may shit down." I grew up hearing his sermons or shermons as he would call them so I am used to it, but I still chuckle when I hear the children laugh and snicker when Brother Hannover asks the congregation to shit.
In the last installment, I left you out there hanging with a wonderment as to what David and Lisa Bedvetter's children were like. You will recall that David and Lisa were brother and sister and married after prom in high school and had four children. We hear so much about not marrying kinfolks and all. Well they are as normal as most other childrens I have seen here abouts, except you can't really tell which way they is looking. They eyes are all googlie or something. Otherwise, they are four of the sweetest and most beautiful childrens you would ever fancy to meet.
Well, I matched Thelma's bake sale contribution and now our bull dozer fund is up to $227.
At this rate we will have the $130,000 in no time. Remember, next friday night is the fund razer at the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Palor/Food Bank. Bring your check books and your appetites!
Greazy Williams died yesterday. He will be missed. He was popular, but nobody wanted to shake his hand because he had some sort of odd glandular problem that made him very unctuous. Some say he never got the cheesey film washed off what was there when he came sliding out of his momma. Said the doctor who delivered Greasy had a hell of a time keeping Greasy from slipping off the kitchen table onto the floor. Old Doc Davis exclaimed that that was the greasiest baby he had ever seen in his career. The name stuck. Swear to God above, water just would bead up on him like on a freshly waxed car! He didn't need a rain coat or umbrella, and never owned one in his life. Bathing was wasted on him.
Jack D. Maybolt PhD
President, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Women are like buses, you miss one and another one comes along in about 20 minutes."
Consoling words of encouragement from Mother Maybolt 1929-2008, when my gal left me for her girlfriend.
Boy ol boy, the Good Lord, smiled mightly upon us and our downtrodden brethren in Motown,
Detroit for you younger readers, when he sent many blessings our way! Miss Thelma Whitehead
said the bake sale raised over $57 which is a new personal best for her and the New Liberty Church for Christ's Sake, The Hannover Branch. A bit of Chruch history is in order.
The New Liberty Church for Christ's Sake was founded by Brother Hannover in 1847 when he had a run in with the Liberty Church of Christ. Brother Hannover thought the restrictions on music and dance were too stringent and broke away with a few like minded Liberty Church members and organized the New Liberty Church for Christ's Sake and built it around a beautiful pipe organ that still plays to this day. Cretta May Sims is the present organist and she can really make those polished brass pipes sing! Of course dancing and singing are both allowed which still ain't allowed in the Church of Christ. Brother Jacob Elmo Hannover is the preacher and he is the great, great, great grandson of the church's founder. Brother Jay, as he is called by his flock, has a terrible harelip and his enunciation is sometimes difficult to understand, and all his words that begin with "S" sound like he is saying "Sh". The younuns get a kick everytime after a hymn ends he says to the congregation, "You may shit down." I grew up hearing his sermons or shermons as he would call them so I am used to it, but I still chuckle when I hear the children laugh and snicker when Brother Hannover asks the congregation to shit.
In the last installment, I left you out there hanging with a wonderment as to what David and Lisa Bedvetter's children were like. You will recall that David and Lisa were brother and sister and married after prom in high school and had four children. We hear so much about not marrying kinfolks and all. Well they are as normal as most other childrens I have seen here abouts, except you can't really tell which way they is looking. They eyes are all googlie or something. Otherwise, they are four of the sweetest and most beautiful childrens you would ever fancy to meet.
Well, I matched Thelma's bake sale contribution and now our bull dozer fund is up to $227.
At this rate we will have the $130,000 in no time. Remember, next friday night is the fund razer at the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Palor/Food Bank. Bring your check books and your appetites!
Greazy Williams died yesterday. He will be missed. He was popular, but nobody wanted to shake his hand because he had some sort of odd glandular problem that made him very unctuous. Some say he never got the cheesey film washed off what was there when he came sliding out of his momma. Said the doctor who delivered Greasy had a hell of a time keeping Greasy from slipping off the kitchen table onto the floor. Old Doc Davis exclaimed that that was the greasiest baby he had ever seen in his career. The name stuck. Swear to God above, water just would bead up on him like on a freshly waxed car! He didn't need a rain coat or umbrella, and never owned one in his life. Bathing was wasted on him.
Jack D. Maybolt PhD
President, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Women are like buses, you miss one and another one comes along in about 20 minutes."
Consoling words of encouragement from Mother Maybolt 1929-2008, when my gal left me for her girlfriend.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center Party Detroit Dozer Fun Razer
Friends,
Great news! Charles Stanford, co-owner of the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Palor/Food Bank, has agreed to let us use his building at no charge for a local money drive for our poor brothers in Detroit! He has also donated a pig that Bedford Gatley has graciously agreed to slaughter and bar-b-que for the event! The Piggly-Wiggly in Milan has donated the cole slaw and baked beans, and Walmart has donated the beverages and the disposable placeware! All my depression brought on by my miserable lonely life as a near complete shut in cripple has lifted, praise the Lord! Amen.
This will be next Friday at 5pm til midnight. Admission is $3.50 for adults and $1.75 for children and this price includes all you can eat and drink, plus two free bingo cards! Wow, don't miss this event of the year. Of course, Larry Simmons will have some of his special
moonshine recipe on hand for the gents. It is available in pint or quart mason jars. It is the real deal, made like his daddy's daddy done since the last century from one of the oldest illegal stills in the county. Larry has graciously donated all his sales proceeds to the Detroit Dozer Project. Word of warning, don't drink to much of it, it will make you do stupid things.
Like the time when we was in high school and someone spiked the punch bowl with some and David Bedvetter drank to much and drove to Kentucky and married his sister Lisa. They stayed married for almost 11 years and had four children together. The marriage ended when Dave came home early from his work as a car salesman at the Ford dealership in Humboldt and caught Lisa in bed with their other brother, Robert. David and Lisa divorced, and Lisa and Robert got married. I don't care how far back in the hills you live, now that is creepy weird!
Lisa and Robert are still married and David left car sales and is a very successful Amway salesman living in Medina. He never remarried, said he never found another woman who smelled as nice as his sister, Lisa.
Here is the money shot: if you can be in the neighborhood on December 4, 2009 come on down to the Cedar Grove Bingo Palor/Food Bank and join the fun. There will be door prizes given away, blocks of government cheese! Count four! Bessie Stoneburner says the cheese is just barely out of date, and should be safe. Ned Nicoderm and his son Patch have donated a Springfield AR-15 semi auto rifle in 223 caliber, which will be raffled off, tickets can be purchased at the Nicoderm Gun Emporium in Lavina or at the Parkers Brother Country Store here in Cedar Grove. Tickets are only $5 a piece or 5 for $20. Don't miss this chance to own a real neat rifle that will kill at 200 yards.
Come on down to the Parlor next Friday and help us with a good cause.
Thanks
Jack D. Maybolt PhD
Executive in Charge Urban Poverty Law Center
"Living without giving is like eating and never crapping. Sooner or later, somethings gonna give!" Mother Maybolt 1924-2008
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center A Time of Thanks
Friends,
Thank you for making the Urban Poverty Law Center your vehicle to help America's down trodden. Your prayers and financial support have brought our Dozer for Detroit fund razer to almost $113, and this does not include the $50 we anticipate from Thelma Whitehead's church bake sale this weekend.
Many of you, like me, are alone for the holidays for the first time. I was recently orphaned by an event at the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Palor/ Food Bank that took the most wonderful
person I have ever known, my mother, Dorothy Lucille Maybolt. I know we all have regrets in our lives and my greatest regret is that I was not with her the night she died.
My mother was very particular about her appearance and she was born with a rare condition called alopecia which means she did not have a hair on her body. But to look at her you would never know it. She painted her eye brows on with great care and wore a long dark wig. She even wore a merkin out in public. Some of my earliest memories as a child was playing with mother's merkins. She would wash them by hand and I would get into her merkin drawer and use them for beards and a toupee. She would get so mad and somehow always know when I had been in her merkins.
How I love the sweet smell and feel of a freshly washed merkin. Tell the truth I still get them out from time to time just to smell them and reminise. Did you know there are internet sites called "Mad about Merkins" and "Jerking with My Merkins." Is there no lower limits to human depravity!?
I usually attended the bingo parlor with her, but that night back in March I was down with a bladder infection and she insisted I stay at home, that she'd be OK. I was in her merkin drawer when the call came in about mother. She always said something bad was going to happen to me if I kept getting into her merkin drawer. She was right, but I never dreamed it would take 53 years. It seems a sevier punishment for such a small sin. All I meant to express is that I miss my mother and will spend my first lonely holiday season without her. I did not mean to lay all this on you, but aren't holidays for making people feel especially bad so they can feel good the rest of the year? I got to put these merkins away and feed the cats. More later. Thanks for being my therapist.
Jack D. Maybolt PhD
Chief Human Resources, Urban Poverty Law Center
"I'll bet she raped awful easy!" Mother Maybolt's comment to Granny Lockerbee when she learned of Cousin Martha's out of wedlock pregnancy reportedly conceived at a fraternity party while Martha was away at college. 1920-2008
Thank you for making the Urban Poverty Law Center your vehicle to help America's down trodden. Your prayers and financial support have brought our Dozer for Detroit fund razer to almost $113, and this does not include the $50 we anticipate from Thelma Whitehead's church bake sale this weekend.
Many of you, like me, are alone for the holidays for the first time. I was recently orphaned by an event at the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Palor/ Food Bank that took the most wonderful
person I have ever known, my mother, Dorothy Lucille Maybolt. I know we all have regrets in our lives and my greatest regret is that I was not with her the night she died.
My mother was very particular about her appearance and she was born with a rare condition called alopecia which means she did not have a hair on her body. But to look at her you would never know it. She painted her eye brows on with great care and wore a long dark wig. She even wore a merkin out in public. Some of my earliest memories as a child was playing with mother's merkins. She would wash them by hand and I would get into her merkin drawer and use them for beards and a toupee. She would get so mad and somehow always know when I had been in her merkins.
How I love the sweet smell and feel of a freshly washed merkin. Tell the truth I still get them out from time to time just to smell them and reminise. Did you know there are internet sites called "Mad about Merkins" and "Jerking with My Merkins." Is there no lower limits to human depravity!?
I usually attended the bingo parlor with her, but that night back in March I was down with a bladder infection and she insisted I stay at home, that she'd be OK. I was in her merkin drawer when the call came in about mother. She always said something bad was going to happen to me if I kept getting into her merkin drawer. She was right, but I never dreamed it would take 53 years. It seems a sevier punishment for such a small sin. All I meant to express is that I miss my mother and will spend my first lonely holiday season without her. I did not mean to lay all this on you, but aren't holidays for making people feel especially bad so they can feel good the rest of the year? I got to put these merkins away and feed the cats. More later. Thanks for being my therapist.
Jack D. Maybolt PhD
Chief Human Resources, Urban Poverty Law Center
"I'll bet she raped awful easy!" Mother Maybolt's comment to Granny Lockerbee when she learned of Cousin Martha's out of wedlock pregnancy reportedly conceived at a fraternity party while Martha was away at college. 1920-2008
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Urban Poverty Law Center Study Global Warming a Hoax!
Friends,
Get out your long johns. Winter is coming and it is not happy. Michael Mann has been caught making fraudulent graphs to hide the latest 10 yr decline in global temperatures! Let me see, my cow farts and belches methane, hot gasses to be sure as the average core body temperature of a healthy cow is 100.4 F. (My cousin Dale was a vet, I only repeat what he told me) Anyway the government wants to tax each of my cows $75 a year for eating grass and expelling carbonaceous eructations and flatulence! I do not claim to be a genius, but where in the hell do these idiots at the government expect a cow to come up with that kind of money? I do not give
them an allowance, and I have wisely not let them get credit cards even though Bank of America
tried to sign one of my cows up for a card last year before the financial meltdown.
The scientists at the English University who are involved in the global warming hoax should be dismissed from their positions, but will more likely get the Nobel Prize because they were lying for a good cause. They tried to sell this to the entire world. We just had the coldest summer ever in my memory here in Tennessee where summer time is generally like living in an over heated sauna. What other hoaxes are being perpetrated on those of us in fly-over country by our great leaders? Trust is vital between the governed and the governors. It cannot be renewed once it is lost. It is lost. I will still take a grant from these losers, none the less, for a good cause of course. For now their checks are good with me.
For the record, the Urban Poverty Law Center condems with highest disgust the duplicitous
actions of the scientists whose false studies were cited to scare our children and likely caused many polar bears to commit suicide. Like John Lennon, I want the truth! Anything less is not the truth.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Science Advisor to the Urban Poverty Law Center
Cedar Grove, TN
"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day, give him two fish and feed him for two days, give a man three fish and he will be poisoned on the third day." Mother Maybolt, 1927-2008
Get out your long johns. Winter is coming and it is not happy. Michael Mann has been caught making fraudulent graphs to hide the latest 10 yr decline in global temperatures! Let me see, my cow farts and belches methane, hot gasses to be sure as the average core body temperature of a healthy cow is 100.4 F. (My cousin Dale was a vet, I only repeat what he told me) Anyway the government wants to tax each of my cows $75 a year for eating grass and expelling carbonaceous eructations and flatulence! I do not claim to be a genius, but where in the hell do these idiots at the government expect a cow to come up with that kind of money? I do not give
them an allowance, and I have wisely not let them get credit cards even though Bank of America
tried to sign one of my cows up for a card last year before the financial meltdown.
The scientists at the English University who are involved in the global warming hoax should be dismissed from their positions, but will more likely get the Nobel Prize because they were lying for a good cause. They tried to sell this to the entire world. We just had the coldest summer ever in my memory here in Tennessee where summer time is generally like living in an over heated sauna. What other hoaxes are being perpetrated on those of us in fly-over country by our great leaders? Trust is vital between the governed and the governors. It cannot be renewed once it is lost. It is lost. I will still take a grant from these losers, none the less, for a good cause of course. For now their checks are good with me.
For the record, the Urban Poverty Law Center condems with highest disgust the duplicitous
actions of the scientists whose false studies were cited to scare our children and likely caused many polar bears to commit suicide. Like John Lennon, I want the truth! Anything less is not the truth.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Science Advisor to the Urban Poverty Law Center
Cedar Grove, TN
"Give a man a fish and feed him for a day, give him two fish and feed him for two days, give a man three fish and he will be poisoned on the third day." Mother Maybolt, 1927-2008
UPLC Dozer for Detroit Drive
Friends,
As the President of the Urban Poverty Law Center, it is with great joy that I anounce today we are well on our way to obtaining the $130,000 we need to buy the D3 Catapillar bull dozer! Thelma Whitehead has agreed to have a bake sale at the church this weekend and the proceeds are expected to be about $50 if past sales events are any predictor. If any of my followers has any ideas on how to help in this greatest of endeavors, leave us a note. We could use all the help we can get.
I am sorry if I seem a bit groggy this am, but the cats were wild last night and I had to get up twice to break up squabbles between Inky and Todd. Finally had to separate them after the second go around. You cat owners know what I mean.
Does anybody know how to apply for a government grant? I have been told that charitable organizations like UPLC may qualify and this would break the back of the $130,000. I have already spoken to Larry Jones who drives a flat bed truck and he has agreed to truck the dozer to Detroit, only for the cost of fuel which is generally about a buck fifty a mile. He said I can accompany him, said he can fit my Hoveround in the cab, and says we can drain my foley into plastic bottles and throw them out at night. Larry says trying to hit signage with these "piss missles" as he calls em while barreling down the interstate at 100 mph helps pass the time and keeps him alert at night. I am not so sure this is good for the environment, but he is the professional here and I am only along for the ride.
I have decided to match any of Thelma's contribution through the bake sale with my dead mother's next SSI check. I challenge all you out there in internet land to do the same.
Send your checks or money orders to : The Urban Poverty Law Center's Detroit Dozer Fund
PO Box 6678501
Cedar Grove, TN 38321
Of course your contributions are tax deductible.
I dreamed of mother last night and she was beautiful and out of that confounded wheelchair that restricted her movements for the last 37 years of her life. I am comforted that I too may be set free when ever the Lord comes calling for my soul. Help me Jesus that I might have one more Dozer gift before calling me home, Amen! I will need some help from all of you since the years have not been kind to me. I hope to head to Detroit with Larry, dozer in tow, before Christmas!
This will make somebody's Christmas in Detroit very special.
Jack D. Maybolt,
Treasurer, Urban Poverty Law Center Detroit Dozer Fund Drive
"Getting old is not for sissys." Mother Maybolt, 1925-2008
As the President of the Urban Poverty Law Center, it is with great joy that I anounce today we are well on our way to obtaining the $130,000 we need to buy the D3 Catapillar bull dozer! Thelma Whitehead has agreed to have a bake sale at the church this weekend and the proceeds are expected to be about $50 if past sales events are any predictor. If any of my followers has any ideas on how to help in this greatest of endeavors, leave us a note. We could use all the help we can get.
I am sorry if I seem a bit groggy this am, but the cats were wild last night and I had to get up twice to break up squabbles between Inky and Todd. Finally had to separate them after the second go around. You cat owners know what I mean.
Does anybody know how to apply for a government grant? I have been told that charitable organizations like UPLC may qualify and this would break the back of the $130,000. I have already spoken to Larry Jones who drives a flat bed truck and he has agreed to truck the dozer to Detroit, only for the cost of fuel which is generally about a buck fifty a mile. He said I can accompany him, said he can fit my Hoveround in the cab, and says we can drain my foley into plastic bottles and throw them out at night. Larry says trying to hit signage with these "piss missles" as he calls em while barreling down the interstate at 100 mph helps pass the time and keeps him alert at night. I am not so sure this is good for the environment, but he is the professional here and I am only along for the ride.
I have decided to match any of Thelma's contribution through the bake sale with my dead mother's next SSI check. I challenge all you out there in internet land to do the same.
Send your checks or money orders to : The Urban Poverty Law Center's Detroit Dozer Fund
PO Box 6678501
Cedar Grove, TN 38321
Of course your contributions are tax deductible.
I dreamed of mother last night and she was beautiful and out of that confounded wheelchair that restricted her movements for the last 37 years of her life. I am comforted that I too may be set free when ever the Lord comes calling for my soul. Help me Jesus that I might have one more Dozer gift before calling me home, Amen! I will need some help from all of you since the years have not been kind to me. I hope to head to Detroit with Larry, dozer in tow, before Christmas!
This will make somebody's Christmas in Detroit very special.
Jack D. Maybolt,
Treasurer, Urban Poverty Law Center Detroit Dozer Fund Drive
"Getting old is not for sissys." Mother Maybolt, 1925-2008
Monday, November 23, 2009
Urban Poverty and the Law Center testimonial response
Friends,
I get a lump in my throat every time I think about all those king sized portions me and Mother Maybolt bought for that nice fellow who wrote the kind testimonial below this post. He had a good appetite for a fatty. Everyday about 11am me and momma would load our hoverounds into the lincoln and meet Jefferson Sprewerkes, IV at Wendy's, Burger King, McD's, or KFC and sometimes Taco Bell and buy him what ever he wanted. He was one of our first Urban Poverty Law Center clients and we consider him a success story as you can see from the nice things he said in his testimonial. God bless you, Mr. Sprewerkes, IV, and here's praying that your shunt infection clears up real soon and that you don't loose your other leg above the knee at least not before Christmas. Mr. Sprewerkes plays Santa at the local mall every year at Christmas and needs at least one knee for the kiddies to sit on. Thank you for your kind words. That was sweet!
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Sargent at Arms, Urban Poverty Law Center
"If you shoot enough BB's, someone is gonna lose an eye sooner or later." Mother Maybolt 1924-2008
I get a lump in my throat every time I think about all those king sized portions me and Mother Maybolt bought for that nice fellow who wrote the kind testimonial below this post. He had a good appetite for a fatty. Everyday about 11am me and momma would load our hoverounds into the lincoln and meet Jefferson Sprewerkes, IV at Wendy's, Burger King, McD's, or KFC and sometimes Taco Bell and buy him what ever he wanted. He was one of our first Urban Poverty Law Center clients and we consider him a success story as you can see from the nice things he said in his testimonial. God bless you, Mr. Sprewerkes, IV, and here's praying that your shunt infection clears up real soon and that you don't loose your other leg above the knee at least not before Christmas. Mr. Sprewerkes plays Santa at the local mall every year at Christmas and needs at least one knee for the kiddies to sit on. Thank you for your kind words. That was sweet!
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Sargent at Arms, Urban Poverty Law Center
"If you shoot enough BB's, someone is gonna lose an eye sooner or later." Mother Maybolt 1924-2008
UPLC Testimony
If it’s true when they say that ‘you are what you eat,’ then I’m a Junior Bacon Cheeseburger with no pickles or mustard and it’s all thanks to the UPLC. My life took a turn for the worse when my gambling addiction caused me to lose both my job and my regular source of sustenance. Ever since my hair moved from the top of my head to the small of my back, I would leave the Wendy’s where I worked and buy a $2 scratch ticket to see if I’d find my pot o’ gold.
Three years ago I found the end of that rainbow in the form of a $200,000 jackpot price! I thought to myself, “This is it, I can finally make a good investment in my future.” Well, you should’ve seen the clerk’s face when I asked to buy 100,000 $2 scratch tickets. For two weeks I was in heaven! I felt the exhilaration when I had three cherries and only needed one more to win. I grew to love the feeling of scratching off the surface and exposing the mystery beneath so much that instead of using pennies, I started using my fingernails. I loved the smells of the cards and the way my fingers felt with the black little balls jammed up underneath the nails.
I lost my job as a burger baron when the manager caught me picking my darkened fingernails and sniffing what I found instead of cleaning grease traps. When I started having blurred vision and a bladder that was always full, I figured it was just the stress from being unemployed. My scratched tickets yielded enough for a Sharper Image foot thingy and $214, which I spent on letting a doctor tell me that my jobless stress was actually type 2 diabetes.
Woe be to me! I also learned that the government wouldn’t pay for my treatment unless I had what they called “end-stage renal disease.” I wasn’t quite there yet and the only thing I had to my name was a doctor’s bill and exfoliated feet. I had to take action to advance my diabetes far enough that John Q. Taxpayer would be footing the bill.
That’s when Jack Maybolt stepped in and turned everything around. The UPLC knew that it couldn’t give me money because I’d spend it on scratchers, so Jack personally met me each day to buy a large combo meal from a fast-food restaurant of my choosing. Within 18 months I had a cute nurse showing me the ins-and-outs of some dialysis jiggamabob, and do you know what it cost me? NOTHING! The UPLC saved my life. Thanks Jack.
Three years ago I found the end of that rainbow in the form of a $200,000 jackpot price! I thought to myself, “This is it, I can finally make a good investment in my future.” Well, you should’ve seen the clerk’s face when I asked to buy 100,000 $2 scratch tickets. For two weeks I was in heaven! I felt the exhilaration when I had three cherries and only needed one more to win. I grew to love the feeling of scratching off the surface and exposing the mystery beneath so much that instead of using pennies, I started using my fingernails. I loved the smells of the cards and the way my fingers felt with the black little balls jammed up underneath the nails.
I lost my job as a burger baron when the manager caught me picking my darkened fingernails and sniffing what I found instead of cleaning grease traps. When I started having blurred vision and a bladder that was always full, I figured it was just the stress from being unemployed. My scratched tickets yielded enough for a Sharper Image foot thingy and $214, which I spent on letting a doctor tell me that my jobless stress was actually type 2 diabetes.
Woe be to me! I also learned that the government wouldn’t pay for my treatment unless I had what they called “end-stage renal disease.” I wasn’t quite there yet and the only thing I had to my name was a doctor’s bill and exfoliated feet. I had to take action to advance my diabetes far enough that John Q. Taxpayer would be footing the bill.
That’s when Jack Maybolt stepped in and turned everything around. The UPLC knew that it couldn’t give me money because I’d spend it on scratchers, so Jack personally met me each day to buy a large combo meal from a fast-food restaurant of my choosing. Within 18 months I had a cute nurse showing me the ins-and-outs of some dialysis jiggamabob, and do you know what it cost me? NOTHING! The UPLC saved my life. Thanks Jack.
Urban Poverty and the Law Center 1st annual dozer drive
Friends,
Fighting poverty full time is my passion, like Jr. Tubbs, my neighbor likes Mrs. Tubbs. Jimmanny, that fellow got 11 children by her without a twin in the bunch. And they ain't
quite 33 yr old yet. Mother Maybolt always said " You know, Christ our Savior died at 33."
I seen Mrs. Tubbs with all those children in tow at the fund raiser for the Volunteer Fire Department here in Cedar Grove and I do believe number 12 is in the oven! I am a batchelor,
not by choice, but my farm accident back in 76 took care of any romantic desires I had. John Deere paid me for my loss of consortium even though I wasn't married. But enough about me and Jr. Tubbs, on with the War on Poverty. My lawyer, C. Batsell Bateman, III, argued that I would have to sit down to pee for the rest of my life and asked the men on the jury what that was worth. I could've told em it ain't worth a dime, but C. Batsell told me not to say that before the award.
Since my last post, I was able to talk to the catapillar salesman in Jackson Tennessee, a fellow by the name of Charlie Savery. I believe his momma named him Charles, but Charlie said that that name was too formal for a Cat salesman. I told Charlie I wanted to buy a Cat Dozer and he wanted to know if I owned any cats. I told him that I had four, Inky, Blinky, Stinky and Todd.
He said we could get a new D3 Cat Dozer for about $130,000 with a service contract thrown in and a three year or 3000 hr warranty which ever came first. I got the impression I could more in likely, squeeze 3 to 4 hundred dollars off that price as it was for a charitable cause and everything. I did not want to ask right away for the discount, but when we have raised the money and when I was ready to buy it I would ask for the discount then and this way we could fill the tank with diesel fuel with the money we saved on the purchase. Nothing sweeter than a Catapillar Dozer with a full tank of fuel!
Plans for the charitable dozer drive next.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Secretary Urban Poverty Law Center
"A cat only has nine lies, but a married man has thousands!" Mother Maybolt, 1921-2008
Fighting poverty full time is my passion, like Jr. Tubbs, my neighbor likes Mrs. Tubbs. Jimmanny, that fellow got 11 children by her without a twin in the bunch. And they ain't
quite 33 yr old yet. Mother Maybolt always said " You know, Christ our Savior died at 33."
I seen Mrs. Tubbs with all those children in tow at the fund raiser for the Volunteer Fire Department here in Cedar Grove and I do believe number 12 is in the oven! I am a batchelor,
not by choice, but my farm accident back in 76 took care of any romantic desires I had. John Deere paid me for my loss of consortium even though I wasn't married. But enough about me and Jr. Tubbs, on with the War on Poverty. My lawyer, C. Batsell Bateman, III, argued that I would have to sit down to pee for the rest of my life and asked the men on the jury what that was worth. I could've told em it ain't worth a dime, but C. Batsell told me not to say that before the award.
Since my last post, I was able to talk to the catapillar salesman in Jackson Tennessee, a fellow by the name of Charlie Savery. I believe his momma named him Charles, but Charlie said that that name was too formal for a Cat salesman. I told Charlie I wanted to buy a Cat Dozer and he wanted to know if I owned any cats. I told him that I had four, Inky, Blinky, Stinky and Todd.
He said we could get a new D3 Cat Dozer for about $130,000 with a service contract thrown in and a three year or 3000 hr warranty which ever came first. I got the impression I could more in likely, squeeze 3 to 4 hundred dollars off that price as it was for a charitable cause and everything. I did not want to ask right away for the discount, but when we have raised the money and when I was ready to buy it I would ask for the discount then and this way we could fill the tank with diesel fuel with the money we saved on the purchase. Nothing sweeter than a Catapillar Dozer with a full tank of fuel!
Plans for the charitable dozer drive next.
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Secretary Urban Poverty Law Center
"A cat only has nine lies, but a married man has thousands!" Mother Maybolt, 1921-2008
Urban Poverty Law Center Dos
Friends,
I have been receiving some small amount of Gmail at (fdmaybolt@gmail.com) that I am too old and confused to head this important organization. As reasons for the charges they point out that I am confused about Mother Maybolt's birth year. Hear me, I will not tolerate criticism about my precious mother who was prone to lying about her age as often as she played bingo at the Metropolitan Cedar Grove Bingo Parlor/Food Bank which was at least once a week.
So you see, you doubters, birthers, tea bagging morons, I can choose any of about a 10 years spread Mother Maybolt claimed as a birth year and still honor her sweet memory. I will no longer answer your queries about my mother or my mentis compis. If you need a better Urban Poverty Law Center with a blogger/ bloggers more interesting and interested in helping the Urban Poor, you are free to surf the web. I will not hold you. Enough on that subject.
I found an interesting article by googling abandoned housing in Detroit Michigan which I believe is ground zero in the poster boys for the Urban Poverty Law Center's war on poverty.
Not to belabor the subject, but the article appeared in a Journal of Techinical Institute this month's issue. The article states that over the past few decades the population has fallen from 2 million to 800,000 which could be a good thing for those of us who trade in Urban Poverty.
Let me explain how a falling population helps those of us in the Poverty business. The article goes on to say the number of abandoned homes has risen from 46,000 to 78,000 and whole neighborhoods are being razed to the ground with bull dozers. How does this help us? Simple,
the shrinking housing and population concentrates the poor and makes them easier to find, and thus theoretically easier to help! This old coot has an idea based on reading that Detroit is being razed. We could have a fund raiser for the first annual Urban Poverty Law Center's
Buy A Bulldozer Drive. A bull dozer in Detroit would be a jobs creator. I will explain our plan in the next blog. Stay tuned fellow passionate human beings! The poor need us now more than ever!
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
Vice President Urban Poverty Law Center
"Having your cat watch your mouse is like having Congress watch your food."
Mother Maybolt, 1922-2008 (forgive me Mark Twain)
Urban Poverty and the Law Center
Friends,
Many of you may be wondering how a crippled-up former farmer from the middle of nowhere
got the calling to fight for our urban poor? What chance do these people have trapped in an urban hades! Surrounded by concrete, sirens, crime, pimps and whores, drug dealers and not a Wal-Mart within 20 miles in any direction, these people deserve our attention. Inprisoned, not by shackles and bars, but by ecconomic conditions foisted upon them by Big Bro.
Truly these people have been discarded by our polite society, hidden away in "da Hood". Whose only voice is muffled by voter intimidation and bought off by some paultry sum in the form of a government check, which is quickly spent on the necessities of life. Trapped by a school system that only babysits and does not teach. Hopelessness and dispair are well known
commodities in this zone. This is the unjust situation these people, these noble people find themselves in through no fault of their own, save birth. We owe it to our fellow human beings to pull these unfortunates up out of poverty to enjoy the sweet taste of the American Dream!
I will share my dreams for the future next and explain how you can help. My body may be cripple, but my mind and will is whole and strong.
Jack D. Maybolt
President Urban Poverty Legal Center
"A life without charity towards one's fellow man is wasted in greed." Mother Maybolt 1926-
2008
Many of you may be wondering how a crippled-up former farmer from the middle of nowhere
got the calling to fight for our urban poor? What chance do these people have trapped in an urban hades! Surrounded by concrete, sirens, crime, pimps and whores, drug dealers and not a Wal-Mart within 20 miles in any direction, these people deserve our attention. Inprisoned, not by shackles and bars, but by ecconomic conditions foisted upon them by Big Bro.
Truly these people have been discarded by our polite society, hidden away in "da Hood". Whose only voice is muffled by voter intimidation and bought off by some paultry sum in the form of a government check, which is quickly spent on the necessities of life. Trapped by a school system that only babysits and does not teach. Hopelessness and dispair are well known
commodities in this zone. This is the unjust situation these people, these noble people find themselves in through no fault of their own, save birth. We owe it to our fellow human beings to pull these unfortunates up out of poverty to enjoy the sweet taste of the American Dream!
I will share my dreams for the future next and explain how you can help. My body may be cripple, but my mind and will is whole and strong.
Jack D. Maybolt
President Urban Poverty Legal Center
"A life without charity towards one's fellow man is wasted in greed." Mother Maybolt 1926-
2008
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Post with the Most Go UPLC!
Friends,
I have been living in my mother's basement until her unexpected death in 2008 in a freak
bingo parlor mishap. Only then did I get to move upstairs. It took nearly 6 months to convince the folks at SSI (Social Security) that mother was dead. I tried to send the money back and got into an endless tangle of red tape, so I just keep cashing the checks and helping my poor neighbors with the funds.
I have extra money thanks to the people at SSI so write me at this web site and we will see if we can get you some of it. This is an equal opportunity charity!
Keep the requests short and to the point. No profanity please, this is a family friendly blog
and the UPLC wants to help all peoples regardless of everything but not limited to race, creed, religion, sexual persuasion, political persuasion, hair color, handedness, eye color, height, dentition status, weight, age, citizenship, intelligence, honesty, and integrity.
All we ask of our grantees is that they share with our followers their stories how the Urban Poverty Law Center has positively impacted their lives.
Jack D. Maybolt, Ph.D
Treasurer, Urban Poverty Law Center
"Kindness is kindest with a kind gift of money." Mother Maybolt 1928-2008
Mission Statement
To discover the causes and solutions to urban poverty through grassroots movements and quantitative analysis. Getting federal grant monies is also a number one priority.
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