In an exclusive one on one interview, Hillary Clinton is adamant she will not accept the nomination for President from a very split and disorganized democrat party.
Barack Hussein Obama's decision not to seek a second term at this late date has thrown the party of Occupy Wall Street, Grifters, and near-do-wells into complete meltdown mode. Reorganized chapters of Acorn will have to throw away the counterfeit ballots bearing his name. A spokesperson for the Acorn affiliates complained they need some lead time to get these ballots right. "This changes everything! We just wasted about a million dollars of taxpayer money, but don't worry we have plenty more where that came from."
Mitt Romney, upon learning of Hillary's decision not to seek her parties nomination, quickly changed his affiliation from lukewarm republican to hot and nasty democrat and is the putative new front runner. A spokesperson for Governor Romney, Plethora Williams, said, "the switch was easy, Mitt only had to flip flop back to his original views on abortion and gun control, leave his national health care policy in place, and wallah! Mitt is a democrat!"
A huge sigh of relief was heard from conservative republican quarters all over the nation. The tea party had an official tea bagging ceremony in which Herman Cain, the current republican party favorite, was allowed to pick any female in the USA and spend 15 minutes alone with her and there would be no questions asked and the lucky woman was sworn to silence! Cheers erupted when Mr. Cain and Ms. Gloria Steinem emerged from their private meeting and the esteemed Ms. Steinem was only wearing Herman's dress white shirt and the dazed look of a young newlywed. Herman Cain looked very sleepy as he exited the aforementioned room in a wife-beater T-shirt and dress pants. Now, against all logic, Ms. Steinem is a huge Herman Cain supporter.
It is not sexual harassment if it is Gloria Steinem. It is an act of mercy as she moved over into the column of women who "don't swell, don't tell, and are grateful as hell" at least a couple of decades ago. The bloom is off the rose is a polite way of describing that situation.
Obama operatives are scrambling to find lobbying jobs before the blush is off his rose. Michelle and the girls are planning an extended holiday jetting off to all the world's hottest locations, while the president hopes to get in a few more rounds of golf before his meal ticket runs out.
In one more surprise move, President Obama pardoned Bernadette Dorn, and William Ayers even though they were never convicted of any wrong doing in their attack against the American people in the late sixties and the seventies. Eric Holder, his embattled attorney general was also granted a presidential pardon as were the entire black Muslims prison population.
January 20, will for now and ever more be known as Black Prisoner Freedom Day, and has been declared a national holiday by presidential executive order. It is hailed as the second emancipation proclamation by some scholars.
Eric Holder, when announcing the program, exclaimed, "It is about time somebody took steps to right the wrongs of a judicial system steeped in 200 years of white racist America. Now if a black brother is incarcerated for any crime, he will only serve until January 20th rolls around at which time, if he has converted to Islam, he will be freed by presidential fiat. This will prove to be by far the most important and significant accomplishment of the Obama presidency."
Just when you thought it could not get any worse, an asteroid the size of George Soros' ego narrowly misses earth. Hey we could use the relief down here!
In other asteroid news, scientists were able to analyze its content and found it was equal parts gold, and diamond. They did this by focusing a beam of light on the fast approaching celestial body and captured the resulting spectrum of energy which was reflected off said asteroid.
Fed chairman Ben Bernanke just shook his head when he learned of the valuable heavenly body and is quoted, "That would have wiped out all our dept if it had only struck earth." Of course there would have been a big fight over who owned the object and this would have caused a bigger world war than the one that will be caused when Iran and Israel take the gloves off later this year."
The mayors of the variously Occupied lands across the country are beginning to get annoyed at the deaths in these camps for the discontented and the homeless. These protesters have had their 15 minutes of fame and need to take the party else where.
The sooner these people realize they have been lied to all their lives and accept that life is just a series of disjointed setbacks and major disappointments and not the MTV version, then they can get on with spending what time they have left more productively.
Like getting a job and paying off those student loans they wasted on beer and pizza and a couple of trips to Cancun, Mexico for spring break.
Where is my bling? Why can't I sing? It's yo thing, do what you wanna do! But do it somewhere else where we do not have to look at you and people in the next tent are not waking up dead.
Do you suppose these Occupy idiots realize they are easy marks for what ever new secret biological the spooks want to test on the more unproductive segment of our society? Spread out or die of the newest government developed OWS flu, asshats!
Doubters will be coughing up large segments of their lungs by next week. I do not agree with the wholesale slaughter of our citizens, but I can see the governments point. They have to do what is in their best interest, survival of the fittest. Darwin, yeah, it is all we have in a Godless society. I can live with that.
Hey, you don't see or hear me complaining. Or do you?
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
I tried to insult as many people in this latest effort as possible, how'd I do? jdm
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Thursday, November 10, 2011
UPLC In Close Relationship With IAEA: Advice to Iran
The International Atomic Energy Association, IAEA, has briefed the Urban Poverty Law Center, UPLC, on its investigation into Iran's nuclear program specifically as it relates to arms development.
We, here at UPLC, were surprised to learn of Iran's work and rapid progress towards a viable nuclear bomb as it pertains to miniaturization. The Iranians are seeking a nuclear weapon which will only leave a foot print of 263 x 71 miles, which is purely by coincidence the exact dimensions of the State of Israel.
Mockmood Afterdinnerjob, the spokesperson for the Iranian Atomic Energy Association, IAEA, denies there is any connection with these facts. He went on to ask if the IAEA would report on the nuclear arms readiness of the United States of America.
After his request was wrongly routed to the Iranian IAEA, instead of the International IAEA, I was given the duty to report back to them. I did a quick google search and my report follows.
My non classified research yielded 71,000 nuclear weapons manufactured by the US since the inception of the program during World War II. They are mated to 10 different delivery systems, and not all 71,000 of these are active, only about 9,600 are ready for deployment, the rest have been retired or are being held in reserve, in case the first 9,600 salvos miss the mark. My contacts at the Defence Department assure me the weapons will get the job done, no matter the mission. "Large or small
we can break them all!" Is the motto at the nuclear weapons division.
Garrison Kiellor, not his real name, was my contact at the DOD nuclear weapons division. My curiosity was piqued by the large or small claim and I shot him the following question: "What if I had a really bad bedbug infestation? Do you have something for this?"
"Jack, we have something that will only take out a 4ft by 6ft area in the miniaturized neutron bomb's division. It will only kill life forms and the mattress is usable immediately after the smoke clears. It is fantastic!"
I followed up with this: "What do you suppose it would cost for you fellows to bring one out to the farm and give me a demonstration, not that I have a problem with bed bugs or anything?"
"Jack last time we used one of these weapons, Michelle Obama had brought some of these little hitchhikers back from one of her many trips to Africa. Now as you may or may not know the Africanized bedbug is an aggressive biter, who will often bite and inject its anticoagulant just for shear meanness. European and Asian bedbugs only bite once to feed and if you are going to share your bed with only one of these pests, the European, followed by the Asian, and last and least desirable is the Africanized units. They have a particularly nasty disposition and have been secretly found to pass the aids virus in their secretions."
"Oops! I can not believe I just said that. I meant to say there is no risk of aids even though they bite multiple partners and spread what ever is in the blood streams to whom ever they strike." Strike the statement and do not use it in your reporting, please. Can I interest you in some homemade soup? My mother sent it from my home out on the prarrie in Minnesota."
"Of course. I would love to try some but only if your will be my companion and join me at the dinner table where we can share a few stories and a good time."
We moved our location to the DoD lunch room and began our meal. It was the best soup I had ever had.
"What ever became of the infestation at the White House?"
"Do you recall when the large tarp was draped over the White House late last year?"
"Yes."
"That was no ordinary tarp, it was there to keep the scattered neutrino's from escaping the White House sleeping quarters. We lit one of these small neutron bombs off and thankfully, it had the desired effect. No more bed bugs!"
"Will these ever be commercially available?"
"Jack, these are very expensive. The expense would give pause to even Bill Gates or Warren Buffett."
"One last question, Garrison. What do you think would be the result of a shooting war between Iran and the United States?"
"United States-1, the Peoples Republic of Iran-0."
"Are you certain?"
"Yes, quite certain. We are still a nation lead by RWM and these are the most vile and ruthless of all the races. Sure the Arab and the Persian will carve your head off with a grin as your blood rushes out of your head and body, but the RWM will think nothing of lighting a nuke and vaporizing millions in an instant. Tell me who wins this one?"
We finished our soup and I fired off a letter to the Iranian head of the IAEA, Mockmood Afterdinnerjob, and beseeched him not to pursue this folly any further.
I will share his reply if he has time to make one. Things are rapidly spinning out of control.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
RWM=Richwhitemen
We, here at UPLC, were surprised to learn of Iran's work and rapid progress towards a viable nuclear bomb as it pertains to miniaturization. The Iranians are seeking a nuclear weapon which will only leave a foot print of 263 x 71 miles, which is purely by coincidence the exact dimensions of the State of Israel.
Mockmood Afterdinnerjob, the spokesperson for the Iranian Atomic Energy Association, IAEA, denies there is any connection with these facts. He went on to ask if the IAEA would report on the nuclear arms readiness of the United States of America.
After his request was wrongly routed to the Iranian IAEA, instead of the International IAEA, I was given the duty to report back to them. I did a quick google search and my report follows.
My non classified research yielded 71,000 nuclear weapons manufactured by the US since the inception of the program during World War II. They are mated to 10 different delivery systems, and not all 71,000 of these are active, only about 9,600 are ready for deployment, the rest have been retired or are being held in reserve, in case the first 9,600 salvos miss the mark. My contacts at the Defence Department assure me the weapons will get the job done, no matter the mission. "Large or small
we can break them all!" Is the motto at the nuclear weapons division.
Garrison Kiellor, not his real name, was my contact at the DOD nuclear weapons division. My curiosity was piqued by the large or small claim and I shot him the following question: "What if I had a really bad bedbug infestation? Do you have something for this?"
"Jack, we have something that will only take out a 4ft by 6ft area in the miniaturized neutron bomb's division. It will only kill life forms and the mattress is usable immediately after the smoke clears. It is fantastic!"
I followed up with this: "What do you suppose it would cost for you fellows to bring one out to the farm and give me a demonstration, not that I have a problem with bed bugs or anything?"
"Jack last time we used one of these weapons, Michelle Obama had brought some of these little hitchhikers back from one of her many trips to Africa. Now as you may or may not know the Africanized bedbug is an aggressive biter, who will often bite and inject its anticoagulant just for shear meanness. European and Asian bedbugs only bite once to feed and if you are going to share your bed with only one of these pests, the European, followed by the Asian, and last and least desirable is the Africanized units. They have a particularly nasty disposition and have been secretly found to pass the aids virus in their secretions."
"Oops! I can not believe I just said that. I meant to say there is no risk of aids even though they bite multiple partners and spread what ever is in the blood streams to whom ever they strike." Strike the statement and do not use it in your reporting, please. Can I interest you in some homemade soup? My mother sent it from my home out on the prarrie in Minnesota."
"Of course. I would love to try some but only if your will be my companion and join me at the dinner table where we can share a few stories and a good time."
We moved our location to the DoD lunch room and began our meal. It was the best soup I had ever had.
"What ever became of the infestation at the White House?"
"Do you recall when the large tarp was draped over the White House late last year?"
"Yes."
"That was no ordinary tarp, it was there to keep the scattered neutrino's from escaping the White House sleeping quarters. We lit one of these small neutron bombs off and thankfully, it had the desired effect. No more bed bugs!"
"Will these ever be commercially available?"
"Jack, these are very expensive. The expense would give pause to even Bill Gates or Warren Buffett."
"One last question, Garrison. What do you think would be the result of a shooting war between Iran and the United States?"
"United States-1, the Peoples Republic of Iran-0."
"Are you certain?"
"Yes, quite certain. We are still a nation lead by RWM and these are the most vile and ruthless of all the races. Sure the Arab and the Persian will carve your head off with a grin as your blood rushes out of your head and body, but the RWM will think nothing of lighting a nuke and vaporizing millions in an instant. Tell me who wins this one?"
We finished our soup and I fired off a letter to the Iranian head of the IAEA, Mockmood Afterdinnerjob, and beseeched him not to pursue this folly any further.
I will share his reply if he has time to make one. Things are rapidly spinning out of control.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
RWM=Richwhitemen
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Herman Cain, Testosterone Plus Ethanol, Equals Testosterol
Apparently, gasoline is not the only substance made less effective by the addition of ethanol, CH3CH2OH, or C2H6O for you chemists. Testosterone is converted into testosterol with the addition of even small quantities of alcohol. It clouds ones judgement and makes even the homeliest maiden appear to be a beauty queen suitable for breeding.
I have heard all my life the following truism, which is I believe, a quote from Mother Teressa: "Were it not for alcohol and parties, none of us would have been born." Sometimes the only way the sexes can tolerate one another is through that old magic called the totty!
If you do not believe me, take a trip to Wal-mart and look at some of the hags who are dragging two or three little children around. Check the shopping cart, there will be some beer in every one of them. Old men need viagra, and young men saddled with human hogzillas require alcohol. God invented alcohol so even the ugliest women would procreate.
I would invite Stephen Hawkin to argue against the existence of God with what I have just disclosed. No amount of chin drool or staring out at the world through that large right eye will convince me otherwise.
I quote Herman Cain's accuser, Sharon Bialek, of Chicago. She had a pediatrician boyfriend 15 yrs ago when she alleges Herman Cain, in the car, "placed his hands under my dress and reached for my genitals (why does Ms. Bialek have more than one genital, is she an hermaphrodite?) and with his third hand? tried to pull my head towards his crotch."
Admittedly, it has been a time since I was with a woman in a car, but I was never nimble enough to reach for the hair trap with more than one hand, and to have to pull the object of my attention toward my crotch rocket by the head, while maintaining my grope on the honey pot, I would have to fold the poor darling nearly in half.
Finally, gentlemen, and I do use the term loosely, it is called foreplay, and romance. For God's sake. Kiss them first, if they recoil and rebuff your move, save yourself the humiliation and take her home. Do not be fooled into thinking if I can just fold this one in half by the crotch and the head, she will come to like me as much as I like myself.
There is a hogzilla out there for everybody. Get yourself a six pack of beer. Happy hunting my sons! Take it slow and easy.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, Smarter and better looking than Stephen Hawkin after a shower, president, Urban Poverty Law Center
I have heard all my life the following truism, which is I believe, a quote from Mother Teressa: "Were it not for alcohol and parties, none of us would have been born." Sometimes the only way the sexes can tolerate one another is through that old magic called the totty!
If you do not believe me, take a trip to Wal-mart and look at some of the hags who are dragging two or three little children around. Check the shopping cart, there will be some beer in every one of them. Old men need viagra, and young men saddled with human hogzillas require alcohol. God invented alcohol so even the ugliest women would procreate.
I would invite Stephen Hawkin to argue against the existence of God with what I have just disclosed. No amount of chin drool or staring out at the world through that large right eye will convince me otherwise.
I quote Herman Cain's accuser, Sharon Bialek, of Chicago. She had a pediatrician boyfriend 15 yrs ago when she alleges Herman Cain, in the car, "placed his hands under my dress and reached for my genitals (why does Ms. Bialek have more than one genital, is she an hermaphrodite?) and with his third hand? tried to pull my head towards his crotch."
Admittedly, it has been a time since I was with a woman in a car, but I was never nimble enough to reach for the hair trap with more than one hand, and to have to pull the object of my attention toward my crotch rocket by the head, while maintaining my grope on the honey pot, I would have to fold the poor darling nearly in half.
Finally, gentlemen, and I do use the term loosely, it is called foreplay, and romance. For God's sake. Kiss them first, if they recoil and rebuff your move, save yourself the humiliation and take her home. Do not be fooled into thinking if I can just fold this one in half by the crotch and the head, she will come to like me as much as I like myself.
There is a hogzilla out there for everybody. Get yourself a six pack of beer. Happy hunting my sons! Take it slow and easy.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, Smarter and better looking than Stephen Hawkin after a shower, president, Urban Poverty Law Center
Monday, November 7, 2011
Urban Poverty Law Center Loses Bid for John Lennon's Molar
Sotheby's Auction House placed the only known surviving tooth of the famed former Beatle, John Lennon, on the block and it fetched $31,000 this past week. It is claimed a Canadian dentist took the remarkable dental artifact with his winning bid. A spokesman for the famous British auctioneers are reportedly in contact with Lennon's widow, Yoko Ono, making final negotiations for the sale of Sean Lennon, one of only two known offspring sired by the famous pop star.
Sotheby's spokesperson, Bridgette Lacy Cornwallace-Colanspasm, great-great granddaughter of the Grand Duke and Duchess of Derbanshire, Colonel Reginald and Buffy Cornwallace-Colanspasm, who are credited with introducing cricket and croquette into India and inventing the first all cotton adult diaper, indicates the negotiations are going well, but Yoko wants to start the bidding at 100,000 pounds, which may put off some bidders for young Master "Sean Rennon" as Yoko refers to him. Word on the street in London is Yoko will have her way. She always does.
In a related development, Ringo Starr, has offered Sotheby's his bellybutton lint collection which he has fastidiously kept squirreled away in a secret drawer in his flat in London.
"If Johnny's rotten molar fetched that kind of money, there outta be a quid or two for me in me bellybutton lint." The affable former Beatle drummer is quoted as saying with an earnest twinkle in his left eye.
Former Beatle, George Harrison, could not be reached for comment.
Paul McCartney, just back from his honeymoon, when asked about the Lennon tooth, stepped back for a moment then came out with one of the best lines for a song ever.
"What can you say about John Lennon's tooth that hasn't already been said? From the looks of that hideous molar it was definitely his sweet tooth. I'm glad a dentist got it. It needs a crown. Give teeth a chance. Peace"
In a personal note, I will offer the holder of M. Gadhafi's golden gun one thousand dollars cash for this one of a kind weapon.
Please contact me at this address if you are willing to take my offer. There is some wiggle room on that price. I will pay for shipping and handling. If it is bloody, do not wash it, gold will not pit.
Jack Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
I saw the Beatles in 1966 in Memphis, since then my life has been an endless series of setbacks and disappointments! jdm
Sotheby's spokesperson, Bridgette Lacy Cornwallace-Colanspasm, great-great granddaughter of the Grand Duke and Duchess of Derbanshire, Colonel Reginald and Buffy Cornwallace-Colanspasm, who are credited with introducing cricket and croquette into India and inventing the first all cotton adult diaper, indicates the negotiations are going well, but Yoko wants to start the bidding at 100,000 pounds, which may put off some bidders for young Master "Sean Rennon" as Yoko refers to him. Word on the street in London is Yoko will have her way. She always does.
In a related development, Ringo Starr, has offered Sotheby's his bellybutton lint collection which he has fastidiously kept squirreled away in a secret drawer in his flat in London.
"If Johnny's rotten molar fetched that kind of money, there outta be a quid or two for me in me bellybutton lint." The affable former Beatle drummer is quoted as saying with an earnest twinkle in his left eye.
Former Beatle, George Harrison, could not be reached for comment.
Paul McCartney, just back from his honeymoon, when asked about the Lennon tooth, stepped back for a moment then came out with one of the best lines for a song ever.
"What can you say about John Lennon's tooth that hasn't already been said? From the looks of that hideous molar it was definitely his sweet tooth. I'm glad a dentist got it. It needs a crown. Give teeth a chance. Peace"
In a personal note, I will offer the holder of M. Gadhafi's golden gun one thousand dollars cash for this one of a kind weapon.
Please contact me at this address if you are willing to take my offer. There is some wiggle room on that price. I will pay for shipping and handling. If it is bloody, do not wash it, gold will not pit.
Jack Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
I saw the Beatles in 1966 in Memphis, since then my life has been an endless series of setbacks and disappointments! jdm
Thursday, November 3, 2011
2012 Elections Already Determined: Republicans Win It All!
Occupy Wall Street will assure a Republican sweep of the elections next year.
When Abbey Hoffmann and the weather underground disrupted the democrat national convention in Chicago in 1968, the Tea Party was watching as contemporaries to such criminals as Bernadette (whose father wanted a boy really bad) Dorn and her slimy life's mate, Puke Willieman, formerly of the University of Chicago.
These Tea Partier parents did the only logical thing when faced with the lawlessness and disorder of these drug addled youths. They elected Richard Nixon president because he was deemed more of a law and order fellow than that lovable, little, dimpled, dumpling of a man, Hubert Horatio Humphrey, jr (D.) Minnesota.
Nixon cracked down on the yippies and Bernie and Puke hid out until it was safe to come out again. If Nixon's attorney general had captured these two, they may have gotten the M. Gadhafi treatment. Again it is comforting to know that punishment is meted out here in America based on one's status: trust funded monkeys in the short line to freedom on the left, all others back into your cells.
The OWS movement does not have the numbers to affect change at the ballot box, hence the acts of civil unrest. The Squeaky Fromme gets the grease as they say.
I will bet the republican who portrays him or herself as the most pro law and order (LnO) candidate will get the nod for the nomination.
Herman Cain is a forceful, no nonsense leader who could be the LnO nominee.
Newt Gingrich is an adult and could be seen taking these OWS malcontents to task.
Michele Bachmann, she is too beautiful and many of us would love a spanking from her.
LnO breaks against her chances for the nomination, but she might pull it off.
Rick Perry, still possible as a strong LnO candidate.
Rick Santorum, no gravitas when LnO is considered.
Mitt Romney, only slightly more formidable in the LnO arena than Michele. Milk toast sprinkled with dillweed. I doubt Mitt can even get his dog to listen to him.
Mitt is missing the alpha gene. You can't hide that from a dog. Mitt and Barack share this leadership flaw with Jimmy Carter and Billy Clinton.
Not to belabor the point, but if a good dog won't listen to you, you don't need to be president or running for president. A dog will not lie. It is not in them.
Bottom line: A Republican sweep is assured. Take that to the bank. Good-bye Obama.
Good-bye OWS protesters. Hello constitutional law and order. Play by and follow the rules or get back into your spider holes until the next useless idiot is elected president which probably will not be in your lifetimes!
The Tea Party gets it. You are coming in loud and clear! T-minus 12 months and counting.
Jack Maybolt, President
Urban Poverty Law Center
When Abbey Hoffmann and the weather underground disrupted the democrat national convention in Chicago in 1968, the Tea Party was watching as contemporaries to such criminals as Bernadette (whose father wanted a boy really bad) Dorn and her slimy life's mate, Puke Willieman, formerly of the University of Chicago.
These Tea Partier parents did the only logical thing when faced with the lawlessness and disorder of these drug addled youths. They elected Richard Nixon president because he was deemed more of a law and order fellow than that lovable, little, dimpled, dumpling of a man, Hubert Horatio Humphrey, jr (D.) Minnesota.
Nixon cracked down on the yippies and Bernie and Puke hid out until it was safe to come out again. If Nixon's attorney general had captured these two, they may have gotten the M. Gadhafi treatment. Again it is comforting to know that punishment is meted out here in America based on one's status: trust funded monkeys in the short line to freedom on the left, all others back into your cells.
The OWS movement does not have the numbers to affect change at the ballot box, hence the acts of civil unrest. The Squeaky Fromme gets the grease as they say.
I will bet the republican who portrays him or herself as the most pro law and order (LnO) candidate will get the nod for the nomination.
Herman Cain is a forceful, no nonsense leader who could be the LnO nominee.
Newt Gingrich is an adult and could be seen taking these OWS malcontents to task.
Michele Bachmann, she is too beautiful and many of us would love a spanking from her.
LnO breaks against her chances for the nomination, but she might pull it off.
Rick Perry, still possible as a strong LnO candidate.
Rick Santorum, no gravitas when LnO is considered.
Mitt Romney, only slightly more formidable in the LnO arena than Michele. Milk toast sprinkled with dillweed. I doubt Mitt can even get his dog to listen to him.
Mitt is missing the alpha gene. You can't hide that from a dog. Mitt and Barack share this leadership flaw with Jimmy Carter and Billy Clinton.
Not to belabor the point, but if a good dog won't listen to you, you don't need to be president or running for president. A dog will not lie. It is not in them.
Bottom line: A Republican sweep is assured. Take that to the bank. Good-bye Obama.
Good-bye OWS protesters. Hello constitutional law and order. Play by and follow the rules or get back into your spider holes until the next useless idiot is elected president which probably will not be in your lifetimes!
The Tea Party gets it. You are coming in loud and clear! T-minus 12 months and counting.
Jack Maybolt, President
Urban Poverty Law Center
Urban Poverty Law Center On High Alert: The Muslims Are Coming!
Trouble is a brewing if professional cricket players are getting hard time for shaving points in cricket competition and Jon Corzine cooks the books for millions in MF Global and he is expected to receive the Congressional Medal of Honor. It is refreshing to know punishments are still meted out here in the Western world relative to ones status. As the old American Express Card ad puts it, "Wealth has its privilege."
A Muslim woman in Malaysia is catching flack for writing a book extolling the virtues of keeping husbands sexually gratified. Is she serious? This will set the women at NOW, the National Organization For Women, on fire. The book is very graphic with sections on "wearing a hijab without panties", and "sex and prayer, is 5 times a day too much"? I am sure this book will be on every Muslim man's Christmas list for his wives! I wonder how or if the wives will share a book or if the husband will have to buy a copy for each?
Now that Libyan strong man Colonel M. Gadhafi has been sodomized with a utility knife and executed with his golden gun, Adolf Hitler's cyanide capsules make a lot more sense. And more shocking news from the Middle East: these countries who practice the religion of peace are going to live under its laws! Yawn. I believe in freedom of religion, and it should be regionalized. The Mormons live under their tenants in Utah and nobody is bothered. I say let the Muslims be Muslims in the Muslim regions. We can trade our paper for their unctuous commodity to power our economy and oil is well. I do not care if they limit interest on loans to 3.5%, or that they want a gold back currency in which to trade, or that a man is able to take 4 wives. Yeah, that is ok.
They are simple goatherds who keep women oppressed and execute homosexuals and adulterers by pelting them with stones. Thieves are separated from limbs. Drug dealers and sorcery practitioners are separated from their bodies. Executions are by decapitation and public. Bloody, but effective. There are very few witches in Somalia and ever fewer homosexuals and adulterers. Goatherds have had time to study and get it right, unlike their western counterparts who have gone estrace v testosterone.
Here oddities are praised and protected. There they are killed. Here murderers are read rights and spend 20 years in jail if convicted and may get a lethal injection if they do not die of old age first. There they are tried within a week, if guilty, out of court and off to the nearest soccer field for a half-time execution with the executioner's sword, swish, thud, gush gush, somebody take these parts away and hose off the playing field so we can start the second half. Cheers!
The teams are taking the field.
Boy to father: "Daddy, I do not want my head cut off like that man. I am going to be good!"
Father to boy: "That's my boy! Read and abide by the Quran and all will be good!"
Is it time for the world to come together and agree to disagree and live in social harmony?
Hillary Clinton: "Not until we get Syria and Iran back into the fold."
Barack Obama: "And we must wait until Uganda is back in the fold."
Geo W. Bush: "That oil belongs to the Iraqi people."
A. Merkel: "The Greeks must suffer!"
H. Cain: "Are those real?"
B. Netanyahu: "Aryans, Iranians? Who can tell the difference?"
G. Soros: "Not until I have all the money, I am the 1/millionth of 1 percent!
I am a God!"
I am: Jackson Delano Maybolt,
Idiot Savant,
President,
Urban Poverty Law Center
A Muslim woman in Malaysia is catching flack for writing a book extolling the virtues of keeping husbands sexually gratified. Is she serious? This will set the women at NOW, the National Organization For Women, on fire. The book is very graphic with sections on "wearing a hijab without panties", and "sex and prayer, is 5 times a day too much"? I am sure this book will be on every Muslim man's Christmas list for his wives! I wonder how or if the wives will share a book or if the husband will have to buy a copy for each?
Now that Libyan strong man Colonel M. Gadhafi has been sodomized with a utility knife and executed with his golden gun, Adolf Hitler's cyanide capsules make a lot more sense. And more shocking news from the Middle East: these countries who practice the religion of peace are going to live under its laws! Yawn. I believe in freedom of religion, and it should be regionalized. The Mormons live under their tenants in Utah and nobody is bothered. I say let the Muslims be Muslims in the Muslim regions. We can trade our paper for their unctuous commodity to power our economy and oil is well. I do not care if they limit interest on loans to 3.5%, or that they want a gold back currency in which to trade, or that a man is able to take 4 wives. Yeah, that is ok.
They are simple goatherds who keep women oppressed and execute homosexuals and adulterers by pelting them with stones. Thieves are separated from limbs. Drug dealers and sorcery practitioners are separated from their bodies. Executions are by decapitation and public. Bloody, but effective. There are very few witches in Somalia and ever fewer homosexuals and adulterers. Goatherds have had time to study and get it right, unlike their western counterparts who have gone estrace v testosterone.
Here oddities are praised and protected. There they are killed. Here murderers are read rights and spend 20 years in jail if convicted and may get a lethal injection if they do not die of old age first. There they are tried within a week, if guilty, out of court and off to the nearest soccer field for a half-time execution with the executioner's sword, swish, thud, gush gush, somebody take these parts away and hose off the playing field so we can start the second half. Cheers!
The teams are taking the field.
Boy to father: "Daddy, I do not want my head cut off like that man. I am going to be good!"
Father to boy: "That's my boy! Read and abide by the Quran and all will be good!"
Is it time for the world to come together and agree to disagree and live in social harmony?
Hillary Clinton: "Not until we get Syria and Iran back into the fold."
Barack Obama: "And we must wait until Uganda is back in the fold."
Geo W. Bush: "That oil belongs to the Iraqi people."
A. Merkel: "The Greeks must suffer!"
H. Cain: "Are those real?"
B. Netanyahu: "Aryans, Iranians? Who can tell the difference?"
G. Soros: "Not until I have all the money, I am the 1/millionth of 1 percent!
I am a God!"
I am: Jackson Delano Maybolt,
Idiot Savant,
President,
Urban Poverty Law Center
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Herman Cain Sexual Sign Target Talks To Urban Poverty Law Center
I was up late last night and decided to phone in on one of those 1800 numbers for singles and I spoke to a young lady, young sounding voice anyway, who told me she was involved in the current Herman Cain sex imbroglio.
I will try to protect her identity, but Foxy, assured me I could use her real name in my report which follows:
Foxy Merivether, is a retired restaurateur from Atlanta, Ga. She was born in Valdosta, Ga in 1961 to an unwed 20 yr old mother who had hooked up with a red-headed presidential candidate earlier the previous year, who went on to become president. I will try to protect this man's reputation since he is no longer here and can not be expected to voice any opinion as to the merits of the facts as presented as is the custom after one has been killed by an assassin's bullet in Dallas, Texas. I will not say which early sixties year this sad event took place, as I fear I have said to much already. I can say that John Connolly and and his wife were with the president when he was tragically struck down by bullets fired from the Texas School Book Depository building by Mr. Oswald. But that is all I can disclose until the seal is lifted off the Warren Commissions report in 43 more years.
We will all just have to be patient and wait just a little while longer.
Ms. Merivether says she was on the board of the George Restaurant Association when Herman Cain was its chairman. She was a mid-thirties single mom trying to raise three young children on a single salary and the extra cash from the Association came in handy, especially around Christmas, and children's braces and all that.
She said she had a cordial relationship with Mr. Cain, but when they were alone, she felt he was undressing her with his eyes, and he continually stared at her cleavage, and would ask her to join him in prayer where she would kneel in front of him and close her eyes. It was during one of these prayer sessions when she felt he had made an sexual gesture. She heard what she was certain was a polyester zipper, first unzip, and since she and Herman were the only two in the room she knew he was doing it. She slowly opened her eyes to see him turn quickly and adjust something large below his belt line. He never turned back to face her but quickly exited the room the two were sharing. As he left she heard him utter a faint, "Amen!"
During the investigation Ms. Merivether said Herman said when he knelt his polyester pants which had become a bit too snug because of all the eating out traveling on Restaurant Association business entails, had a wardrobe malfunction and that was the unzipping she had heard. He stood and turned to fix his problem, and had to leave since he had not packed enough briefs and was going "commando" that day, which only added to his misfortune. Herman Cain wears underwear. That is his habit, that is what he does.
I contacted the Herman Cain campaign and got in touch with a low level aid who confirmed my reporting. I only hope this helps.
The campaign assures me the Cain wardrobe has been expunged of the cheap polyester zippers. Herman Cain is a man who will not be fooled twice!
I find the story to be completely believable, especially the part about the former president who fathered Foxy!
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
I will try to protect her identity, but Foxy, assured me I could use her real name in my report which follows:
Foxy Merivether, is a retired restaurateur from Atlanta, Ga. She was born in Valdosta, Ga in 1961 to an unwed 20 yr old mother who had hooked up with a red-headed presidential candidate earlier the previous year, who went on to become president. I will try to protect this man's reputation since he is no longer here and can not be expected to voice any opinion as to the merits of the facts as presented as is the custom after one has been killed by an assassin's bullet in Dallas, Texas. I will not say which early sixties year this sad event took place, as I fear I have said to much already. I can say that John Connolly and and his wife were with the president when he was tragically struck down by bullets fired from the Texas School Book Depository building by Mr. Oswald. But that is all I can disclose until the seal is lifted off the Warren Commissions report in 43 more years.
We will all just have to be patient and wait just a little while longer.
Ms. Merivether says she was on the board of the George Restaurant Association when Herman Cain was its chairman. She was a mid-thirties single mom trying to raise three young children on a single salary and the extra cash from the Association came in handy, especially around Christmas, and children's braces and all that.
She said she had a cordial relationship with Mr. Cain, but when they were alone, she felt he was undressing her with his eyes, and he continually stared at her cleavage, and would ask her to join him in prayer where she would kneel in front of him and close her eyes. It was during one of these prayer sessions when she felt he had made an sexual gesture. She heard what she was certain was a polyester zipper, first unzip, and since she and Herman were the only two in the room she knew he was doing it. She slowly opened her eyes to see him turn quickly and adjust something large below his belt line. He never turned back to face her but quickly exited the room the two were sharing. As he left she heard him utter a faint, "Amen!"
During the investigation Ms. Merivether said Herman said when he knelt his polyester pants which had become a bit too snug because of all the eating out traveling on Restaurant Association business entails, had a wardrobe malfunction and that was the unzipping she had heard. He stood and turned to fix his problem, and had to leave since he had not packed enough briefs and was going "commando" that day, which only added to his misfortune. Herman Cain wears underwear. That is his habit, that is what he does.
I contacted the Herman Cain campaign and got in touch with a low level aid who confirmed my reporting. I only hope this helps.
The campaign assures me the Cain wardrobe has been expunged of the cheap polyester zippers. Herman Cain is a man who will not be fooled twice!
I find the story to be completely believable, especially the part about the former president who fathered Foxy!
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
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