Urban Poverty Law Center A Modest Proposal For Greece

The Greek bail-out to keep the tiny nation state afloat in the Mediterranean Sea is a meager 80 to 100 billion euros. If the International Monetary Fund and the European Union are balking at shoveling good fiat money after bad, I believe I have come up with a plan that will be to every one's liking.

Recall, Hillary Roddam Clinton, while a Junior Rose Law Firm partner and wife of then Attorney General, William Jefferson Clinton of Arkansas, turned a $1,000 investment in cattle futures into $100,000 in less than a year! Why she gave up investing in the futures market to become first lady, senator from New York, and now Secretary of State speaks well for her unselfish nature and makes her a public servant of the noblest tradition, one who only serves so others might enjoy a better life delivered by Madam Secretary's Herculean labor with her great diplomatic skills garnered through a lifetime of smoothing things over for her husband in his many sloppy dilly-dalliances with the fairer sex. Mother Teresa has nothing on Saint Hillary, Secretary of State! We, the American people, are blessed, truly, we are.

Many countries are lead by selfish, self-serving, flim-flam artist who are only out to enrich themselves. We in the United States have been blessed to have had very few of this character type in government. The Clintons are prime examples of US citizens who were willing to forgo the riches in order to serve the will of the people. I am biting my lip and holding back tears that might flood New Orleans again should I release them into the Mississippi River watershed thinking of what these two fine citizens have done to us. Tears of Joy fill my unworthy eyes!

God bless them, the noble citizen politician, always looking out for the little guy, first popularized in early Greek society, how ironic. Never tempted by bribes or money. Never tempted to look the other way while others made off with the national treasure. Patriots first, last, and always!

My modest proposal is to let Secretary of State, Madam Hillary Clinton, take a billion euros and invest it in what ever she sees fit and take her profits to pay off the Greek debt.

I believe you will all agree that my Grecian Formula is not just for men, but would be great for the entire world!

Jackson Delano Maybolt, PhD President Urban Poverty Law Center

"Without politicians, prisons would really be overcrowded." Mother Maybolt, 1929-2008

Urban Poverty Law Center Weekly Comment On ICE

I will try to keep this brief. ICE is my clever acronym for Interesting Current Events.

Ask any woman, Weiners come and Weiners go. Anthony(the boner)Weiner D. NY, anounced his resignation from his congressional district in Brooklyn and Queens.
His wife, Huma, was not at his side as she was with her boss, Secretary of State, Hillary Roddam Clinton on a trip to the Sudan. I suspect the marriage of Anthony to Huma is a sham only to serve as a beard. Hah, doubters, Huma is even pregnant! Show me the baby or come out of the closet. The gossips and rumors are spinning out of control!

Anthony Weiner has agreed to a lucrative contract to model for Fruit of the Loom. Haines already has Michael Jordan. UnderArmor broke off talks after Congressman Weiner announced his resignation. A spokesperson for UnderArmor said quitting is not the image we wish to associate with our products.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term "beard" as my father explained it to me years ago: If a man has a mistress and he wishes to be seen in public with her, he invites another man to attend the event, dinner, or a play to act as a cover or a "beard" so the local gossips would not be tempted to talk. Works every time.

A second debate among the various republican candidates for the nomination for vice president was held in New Hampshire last week. There were plenty of fireworks. The competition for Joe Biden's spot is moving right along. Joe, the smoe, continues to work on his gaffs and is wondering who will replace him should Barack Obama decide to seek a second term.

The Republican party's nomination for president don't you mean? No, I got it right. Sarah Palin will be the nominee for the number one slot, and the others are only there to put the icing on the cake. Sarah Palin and Herman Cain will win in a landslide along with many other Tea Party candidates and the direction of the country will vere sharply away from the abyss and back towards Prosperityville.

After a few tumultuous years with these unusually proficient incompetents at the helm, having sober adults in control of our government will be refreshing and I will not have to stay so close to the crapper. Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty we are free at last!

Colonel M. Qaddafi has managed to outlive Osama Bin Laden, in his struggle against the International Monetary Fund backed by the North Atlantic Treaty Organization of Petroleum Importers with its bumbling titular head Mr. Barack Hussein Obama. The bombs and rockets keep on falling while Mummuar keeps on bawling. I heard last week the bankers have come for his gold, some estimates say it is at 30 metric tons, and the Organization of Petroleum Importers want the oil. It seems as though not all the pirates live in Somalia.

Mark Twain said everything best. "No man can stand success, another's that is."
The meek shall inherit the earth. Be sure to marry an ugly woman for she will not break your heart when she grows older. Some things are best viewed from afar, lightning for example, and active volcanoes. Nothing satisfies like striking an insolent smaller relative with an open hand across the buttocks, not even a cigarette after dinner.

In local news, our community has lost some of its star citizens this month. Two to cancer, one to a terrible car accident and a fourth took ill after a tick bite to the scrotum became infected. Cedar Grove mourns them all and UPLC sends its heart felt condolences to all the survivors.

Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center

"Bless you!" Mother Maybolt, 1925-2008

Urban Poverty Law Center Examines Similarities of Hitler and Palin

Sarah Palin has touched the face of God. Sarah Palin has been delivered to our nation by the Divine Creator to save America. There has not been a leader with such manifest destiny since Unkle Audie. There are striking similarities between Adolph Hitler and Sarah Palin.

1: They share a planet, both were born to women on earth.

2: They share two letters in each of their names, A and H, and L and I

3: The shared letters in their names spell out HAIL, the English version Of Heil!

4: Palin has five children, Hitler was one of five children.

5. Hitler wrote a book, "Mein Kampf", and Palin wrote a book, "Going Rogue".

6. The titles of the books only share one letter in the first word, I.

7. The shared letter in their titles spells out the word, I, which was Hitler's and is Sarah Palin's favorite pronoun!

8. Hitler was 56 yrs old when he died. Sarah Palin will be 56 in 9 years, spooky!

9. Hitler married a woman named Eva Braun. Sarah Palin went to college with an Eva.

10. Sarah Palin eats meat, Hitler was a vegetarian. But they both eat food!

11. Hitler wore eye glasses. Sarah Palin wears eye glasses.

12. Hitler was right hand dominant. Sarah Palin is right hand dominant.

13. Hitler had a dog named "Blonde". Sarah Palin had a dog.

14. Hitler sent millions to death camps. Sarah Palin sends her children to camp.

15. Hitler was born in Austria. Sarah Palin was born in America, both countries
begin and end with the letter A, and have seven letters sharing the letters a,r, i, and a.

16. Add nationalities to the homeland and the words Austrian and American share the
Letters A, r, i, a, n. Hitler and Palin are arians!

17. Hitler was born on 4/20/1889 and Palin was born on 2/11/1964 exactly 74 years, 9 months and 22 days apart!

18. Palin and Hitler draw large enthusiastic crowds where ever they went.

19. Hitler could see Russia on his eastern front, Palin can see Russia from her deck!

20. The establishment politicos and the press in Germany hated and feared Adolph Hitler. They worked feverishly to destroy him!

These are just a few of the uncanny and peculiar similarities of these two leaders.

History has a way of repeating itself.

Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center

"I would vote for Sarah Palin for President of the United States if I weren't dead"

Mother Maybolt, 1922-2008

"Mother, you are a democrat, you can still vote!" JDM

Urban Poverty Law Center on Weiner's Predicament, Palin, Romney, and Obama, Oh My!

Anthony Weiner, (D) New York: What a twit!

Trolling your trouser bait on twitter to 200 beautiful college coeds sounds like a good move if you are a complete loser living in your mother's basement as a computer shut-in! It is not a good idea if you are a United States Congressman from New York or from any of the other 57 states in this country for that matter.

We all know politicians must be exposed if they are ever to get anything done, but this latest Weiner move is carrying it too far. Most coeds respond more readily to powerful men with cash and fat bank accounts as the aforementioned electronically twitted twig and berries are inconsequential to a full, filling, and stable relationship between consenting adults.

Is Anthony Weiner (D), New York, falling on his steamy Coney Island corndog to save the French, Toast of New York City, former Head of the International Monetary Fund, ole whazisname, Marcelle or was it Pierre? Oh, it doesn't really matter both will be off the front pages in a few more news cycles, especially if the fawning Obama press (FOP) can catch Sarah Palin misquoting history again. Dominique, is a pansy name, even by Franco-Prussian standards, and he probably had to prove his manliness from a young age with that moniker firmly attached to his embroidered shirts, underwear,and socks which accompanied him on his summer camping activities as a younger man..... Mothers, beware what you name your child as it can have harmful or benevolent affects for an entire life time.

I guess Milk Romney announced his intentions to reach for the reigns of the ship of state as it careens off into the financial abyss. I refer to him as "Milk" because his older siblings called him that because he always carried around a bottle of the best brand of Vitamin D fortified milk as a youngster and cried for it when it was empty calling it Mitt, more mitt pwease. Young Romney had a mild speech impediment that was fixed when they clipped his frenulum which prevented his tongue from a full range of motions. Family secret, and do not ask how I know this, but their hired live-in knew my first cousin's great aunt's yard man in Jarez and this is what I am told.

Romney is a good man, he did great things for Massachusetts. Some say he is as Republican as a liberal Democrat can be, and is therefore the favorite candidate of the FOP for November of 2012, where if he runs against Obama who is totally in over his head and lost without a teleprompter and ineligible to be president of the United States due to his birth father's British citizenry, he will still place a distant second...... the press loves Milk since he can't get two tea party activists to support his candidacy. He is too mainstream old line conventionally Republican in Name Only for the majority of the tea party patriots.

He is John McCain without the crotchety edge 5 years of torture at the Hanoi Hilton will leave burned into your psyche. He is Bob Dole without the bitterness which comes with a useless limb hanging off your torso for the last 60 yrs of your life.


He is not Ronald Reagan who was dedicated to conservative principles that made this country great again for those who were not afraid to get their hands dirty and work. He is not Sarah Palin who is dedicated to these same conservative principles and the idea that government should work for the people and not that the people should work for the government. Palin confounds the FOP. She is obviously a dim bulb, never reads the New York Times or the Washington Post, and like most Americans does not think the cartoons in the New Yorker are all that funny, right Katie Couric, card carrying FOP member and former anchor baby for the CBS Evening News? Palin is as authentically All-American as Barack is a phony!

Palin went to school in Idaho. Barack was in Indonesia. Palin drank beer while Obama smoked weed and tooted cocaine. Palin stormed the PTA, then Wasilla, Alaska and then the governors office in Alaska, while Obama organized Chicago neighborhoods.
Palin with her family worked hard for the American Dream while Obama coasted through with affirmative action and rode a beautifully spoken 2004 Democratic Political Convention speech and Clinton fatigue into the White House in 2008. Palin is uniquely uncommon and natural. Obama is uniquely common and unnatural. Jimmy Carter is to Ronald Reagan as Barack Obama will be to Sarah Palin..... if we last that long, that is.

Jackson Delano Maybolt, PhD Urban Poverty Law Center

"Who asked you? You are getting pie for desert." Mother Maybolt, 1923-2008

Urban Poverty Law Center Seeks Intelligent Life In DC

At the Urban Poverty Law Center we are looking for any sign of intelligent life inside the beltway. Our media researchers have our satellite receivers directed at Washington DC, and are trying to decipher if any of the transmissions over the airways have any meaning. A few of our interceptions follow:

"We will default on our obligations unless congress raises the debt ceiling."

Really means we will default later on our obligations which will be more unruly in a few years if congress continues to raise our debt ceiling. Time to take the hit now. Bitter medicine, but needs to be taken.

"It is time for the rich to start paying their fair share of taxes."

Because we, in Washington, DC, do not have the courage to pry that greasy, grimy, engorged governmental teat out of our friend's mouths, we would much rather anger the wealthiest 1% of our citizens, who have for the most part worked hard to earn over $250,000 a year, which after taxes affords these pampered workaholics a solidly middle class lifestyle. No lobster, and no champagne and no trips to Martha's Vineyard for these wealthy bastards, but they can afford to buy health insurance for themselves and their families!

"Under my plan energy costs would necessarily skyrocket."

If you can still afford to buy energy enough to travel and stay warm, it is under taxed.

We are continuing to monitor the area known as the beltway for intelligent life.
As you can see from these few sited examples there is little hope of finding any intelligence over there. We are alone out here in fly-over country.

Jackson Delano Maybolt President, Urban Poverty Law Center

"Wait one half hour after eating before entering the water to swim. Many children have drown from a fatal stomach cramp after swimming too soon after eating."

Mother Maybolt, 1921-2008

Urban Poverty Law Center Letters To and From a Son of a Bitch

If any of you are professionals with MD, and or PhD degrees and you wish to hunt Elk, this letter from my father from August 1, 1991 is full of great advice on how to insure your success. I give you this from his typewriter to the blogosphere:

August 1, 1991

Dear Jacky:

As you two set off into the wilds in pursuit of the larger of our North American ruminants I wanted to offer some ruminations on the subject of elking, why hunters, even medical specialists and an author, can, on rare occasions--fail.

First, the hunter has to be smarter than the elk. I have checked and have found according to experts that a top flight radiologist and a top flight emergency medicine specialist, combined, have about 1/2 percent the intelligence of the dimmest witted elk.
This is daunting. So maybe you should think about what the army special forces call "performance enhancer." This is a pill that makes ordinary soldiers able to leap tall buildings (or at least so it seems to them at the time) in a single bound. Smart pills could enhance your chances.

Secondly, go where the elk are instead of where the State tells you to go. Recent studies by elkologists show that the State always sends the hunter, especially the M.D., and in the case of the M.D,, Ph.D., into areas where elk have not been seen in the last 5000 years and six months, at least. These are the elkless tracts especially reserved for physicians and authors, who are, as we both realize, among the more gullible element of the population.

To succeed the physician should disguise himself as a window washer, truck driver, or bakery employee, for these members of the intelligentsia are always sent into the thick of the elk country from whence they emerge, without fail, with an average of a ton each of elk. The only thing to fear if this ruse works is the danger of being trampled by the jostling elk as they respond to the most awkward of calls. The hunter must be careful in these woods not to fart too loudly, as even this sound, ignored in the physician assigned hunt areas, can invoke dangerous attacks by herds of elk anxious to reply to any signal. In these areas they attack alarm clocks. They charge silent dog whistles, asthma victims who wheeze too profoundly, as well as frogs, crickets and hoot owls.

The elk must sense that the hunter has no college diploma. Even the faintest scent of academia will drive the elk many leagues distant. Therefore do not bathe, use deodorant, or speak words above one syllable for at least six weeks before the hunt. Incorrect grammar will also help pave the road to success. While in the woods pick your nose frequently and exclaim: "Well, shee-it, whar the fuck you reckin thelk is?"

This works every time.

I will be thinking about you as you set off into your assigned elkless regions. I hope this trip you won't have to haul some old man home every night to sleep in a soft bed and can wake early in the woods and have your first clean arrow shot before breakfast taking down a titan with a rack bigger than your car.

My heart thumps in anticipation of the steaks, the sausage, the roasts, and the hide. I'd like a hide as you know--just one will be fine. No need to save all those skins for me. Just one and I will have moccasins made for all of us. You know the place there that cures them, the animal stuffer.

As ever,


Old Grand-Dad

P.S. Infra-red satellite pix should pinpoint elk and are available to spies and Russian agents on a daily basis from the Pentagon.
Check with the neighborhood spy.

Dear Dad,

You were right we did not kill an elk.

Love Jacky

Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center

Urban Poverty Law Center Letters To and From a Son of Bitch

I opened another one of the letters my father wrote me, which, as you know were placed in a trunk by my mother and never seen by me until now. My father left mommy for a carnival stripper, Lulu, back in 1973 after I was mangled by the John Deere Manure Spreader. We were close, very close up until he left. Other letters are on this site dated 3/7/11,2/12/11 and 1/18/11. The letters to and from a son of a bitch are only for entertainment and contain a snap shot of what one man was enduring in America and what he was thinking. With that explanation to the reader, I give you this:

My dear son:

Another day in bedlam. I worked very late last night and wrote 1500 of the 2000 words required for Nashville Magazine by tomorrow.

I was confronted on arising with a demand from Lulu that I call the Jaguar specialist in east Nashville immediately. After resisting I finally did call him. Bob Acuff is an honest mechanic and therefore not likely ever to prosper. He explained to me that Jaguars have underneath on either side of the transmission a tiny white plastic tube of 3/8" diameter which gets clogged with growth of some sort and this backs up the water from the air-conditioner and ultimately wets the floorboards of the car which then finally rusts and you have a horror story.

I had noticed the wet carpets in the car after our return from Florence. Lulu was in her sock feet and had complained of standing in water on her side, as it were. I thought it must be coming in from a leak, as it was raining much of the trip.

"Remove those mats immediately" quoth Honest Acuff, the honest mechanic after explaining what it was in all likelihood. Then he said to get the car up on the rack at the nearest service station and find the two little tubes and run something in very carefully and clean out the clog moss and some water would spill out and the car would be cured. I have to take Acuff aside and tell him how to handle this particular problem to his best advantage,

thusly:

-THE SKIT-

ACUFF: "Mr Maybolt, I will send for the car and have it brought in for this is potentially life threatening, I will have to have the car at least ten days and run some tests. If it is what I fear it is, the cost could run about $500--"

Maybolt: "Thank God, no more than that?"

Acuff: "For the parts, that is--"

Maybolt: "Oh--well."

Acuff: "The labor on this job runs another $500 but I can give you a discount and do it for $487,77."

Maybolt: "If that is all, then--"

Acuff: "There could be a bit more for the parts--I have to take the cumberbund off and rewind the axphyxiator courndum borger and depending on what I find-- it could run another $200, about, you know--"

Maybolt: "Ball park, I know--"

Acuff: "You know those cumberbund diddleedaddle dew-drop porgies, I am sure you have heard of them. But that's a Jaguar for you."

Maybolt: "I--ah--yess, I--uh, yeah, they are a mess. I'd fix it my self, but--"

Acuff: Mister Maybolt your time is too valuable to mess with something this minor, I realize you'd take it apart and--but why get your hands greasy?"

Maybolt: "Check, right."

Acuff: "And if you or Mrs. Maybolt could just give the tow truck driver a check for $650? That oughtta get us started. I have to pay for those parts when I get 'em, you know. Write out a check, cash to me personal, Bob Acuff."

Maybolt: "Six-fifty? O.K. I am so relieved it--"

Acuff: "Hold it--I'm talking old prices. Dang! I have the new prices here-- make the check $750."

Maybolt: (screaming) "What!"

Acuff: (sorrowful, placating) "I think I can find them parts at the old prices. If not I will absorb it. Say can we split the difference--$700 up front?"

Maybolt: (a sigh) "Fine, Mr. Acuff the check will be ready."

Acuff: "We will get the car in about an hour, Mr. Maybolt."

(I think I can sell this skit to Acuff for $7,000--a year for ten years--plus 30 percent of 100 percent of 4 percent of his gross
do-dhahomey, whatmalted whammogodzilla---right" Check!!!)

(Seriously)

I am getting shortness of breath and better close this and take a hot bath and go get the Jag fixed at the Shell Station with a straight paperclip and a little piece of copper wire. Then If I can find some fool with a similar problem I can become known as the Jaguar expert when that expensive water problem comes up and fix them for $1500 to $3,000 depending on what I find when I unwind the cumberbund-
-We will get through this and thanks for the help with it, and hugs for all the family OLD GRANDDAD FOO


Dear Dad,

Where is the Cumberbund located on a Jag?

Jackson Delano Maybolt President Urban Poverty Law Center