Syria in the international crosshairs of public opinion is a fair target as it's main export aside from weak-kneed terrorism is dates. Those plump and juicy tree borne fruits that are inedible to all westerners and given the choice between eating camel turds or a date, most middle easterners would choose a camel dung burger provided it was roasted, not boiled to the date. If NATO, the North Atlantic Treaty Organization, nannies have set sites on Syria, Bashad, or Omar, or what ever the current president, king, czar, ruler, dictator is called these days should take my offer of clemency and move his operation to peaceful and beautiful Cedar Grove.
Heads of states recently fallen who did not take my offer include: M. Gadaffi, deceased,
Hugo Chavez, checking out with cancer of the nether region, Mubarak of Egypt, watching jail rats fight over the crumbs in his jail slop pot somewhere in the desert, and Kim Jung Ill who secumbed to that old genetic time bomb, death. .
As mayor of Cedar Grove, I am proud to be the first city in the world to offer amnesty to despots. We have even started a scholarship fund to see to it the children of these despots get the opportunity to attend the University of Tennessee at Martin so they can take advantage of what this great country offers its college graduates, up until this current crop, a job with the man, but now it is home and living in the basement of parents who resent your idleness, but still love you.
Adolf Hitler sent his great nephew and niece here from his hide out in Spain where he has been teaching home economics for the past 67 years. It was a natural transition for a man who enjoyed baking so much. He is not quite ready to retire and owes his longevity to clean living, not smoking, no alcohol, and vegetables. He was 124 on this past April 25.
He still rides his bicycle to work and swims a mile each afternoon. His wife, Eva will be ninety in August and they are expecting their first child. The Hitler's put off children until they were a bit more financially secure. Eva writes an advice column for the Spanish Globe which has taken off in the past year and a half. This and a sometimes awkward alliance with Mr. Mark Zuckerberg on FaceBook has netted the Hitlers a million euros a chapter for Adolf's memoirs of the "early years".
You can follow Adolf and Eva on twitter. They are in talks with MTV about a reality show which will be part advice and part cooking in which Adolph and Eva will share some of their favorite vegetarian recipes and promise to reveal some of their secrets of intimacy that have kept them together and happy for the past 57 years.
The only requirement for NATO to strike is for the target to have no viable means to retaliate. NATO wisely only picks on the weak and indefensible. Once a nation has nuclear capabilities NATO backs down. Despots without nuclear weapons beware. What natural resource could NATO be eying in Syria. Can't be the dates, they are all but inedible, but Adolf Hitler has a recipe for dates to die for! Watch for stock in dates to rise.
Syria is just the next feather to be plucked for one world order. Eighth century goat-herds and the English can not be subjugated without much loss of life and treasure, and then once you have them what are you going to do with them? Both have horrible personal hygiene and dental expenditures would be sufficient to break the bank in any universal health care package. I do not think the One World Order people have carefully thought this thing through.
Diversity is best served up in small packages. There is a reason people eat dates. The only other option is the olive. What a choice!
Last great ironies. President Obama is running against his own record for re-election.
He is running as the jobs creator and the budget slasher. He should come clean and admit he believes work is over rated and is the root of all evil. Work involves competing for limited resources and this leads to conflicts and fighting and nothing good comes of work.
Idleness is the key to peace. Beat your swords into play stations. Change water into wine. Harness the wind, the sun, the seas, plant date trees not hatred. Abandon the atom.
The Japanese have sent radioactive tuna to America's West coast where they will swim head on into one another and their collisions will cause small nuclear explosions. I wonder if Nagasaki was the straw that broke the camel's back with Japan?
Take solace. It can only get worse.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
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