Great news! The Urban Poverty Law Center has filled one position on its Advisory Board with a retired teacher, drug rep, farmer and sometime political prognosticator, Franklin Bedford Gynengton, III, but his friends call him Franklin Bedford. Formalities in the South are rich and hard to set aside.
Mr. Gynengton, III spent a short bit of time in Chicago where he met Mrs. Gynengton at a Rolling Stones concert. It was love at first sight. He says they were joined at the hips for the first three months of their relationship and have been close ever since.
They have been married for 45 years, 25 of that to each other. They have two children, a cat and a birddog. They like the animals, the children have only been disappointments since their conceptions. Felicise, his wife began vomiting early in pregnancy and has vomited every 28 minutes since. The youngest, Jesse Gynengton, is 18 now and will be attending the University of Tennessee on a tennis scholarship in the fall. Felicises' life revolves around 27 minute intervals of surcease which do not involve vomiting.
Aside from "the problem" as the Gynengtons refer to it their life has been a pleasant one. Money came in from every avenue. Franklin invented a sex toy back in the late 60's which caught on in San Francisco and the money flowing in from his patented invention allowed him to quit teaching high school and take a short tour of the world. He made it as far as Paris, France where he hooked up with a whore named Babbette who had a heroin habit and wicked halitosis from the 20 plus acts of oral sodomy she preformed a day just to support her habit. Babbette did not own a toothbrush when Franklin met her. She was his first love. Before the year was out he had weened Babbette down to just over 10 acts a day and brought health and freshness back to her smile.
Franklin Bedford Gynengton, III did wonders for Babbette, and now he has promised to join our high powered Think Tank and Policy Engineering Center here at the Urban Poverty Law Center. We are grateful to have him.
I gave Franklin his first assignment which was to think out the problems our politicians have every couple of years or so with the debt ceiling. As many of my astute readers know, it was set at just above $16 trillion dollars last summer and we are expected to reach and breach that in October of this year if nothing is done.
This is truly an October No-Suprise.
Mr. Gynengton, III wrestled with the question for almost 15 minutes when he called me back with his solution.
"Jackson, the solution to pollution is dilution. You can add enough water to a turd to clean it up. We live in a fecal veneer!"
I was not sure where Franklin was going with this but I listened.
"Jack, we can all agree that Washington is full of shit, right?"
"Yeah."
"OK, all we have to do to clean the place up is to dilute it with money. Raise the debt ceiling to 1,000 trillion dollars!"
Hum? Raise the debt ceiling to to a level that could not be broached in 10 years even if the democrats controlled all three branches, interesting proposition.
I told Franklin Bedford Gynengton, III we would run his plan up the flagpole and see if anybody salutes.
I think it is brilliant. Next, I plan to ask him how he would balance the budget.
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
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