Blogosphereoneons
My secretary, whom I refer to as Susan, as that is her name, informs me she has looked over the 2734 page congressional Omnibus bill to fund the bloated federal bureaucracy for another 10 months and is shocked, shocked I tell you, not to see our worthy cause funded yet for another year. We are not the new kids on the block. We have been here since 1988! This strings our record out to 23 years of fighting for justice for America's Urban Poor, all the while we have been poor ourselves. Talk about irony.
These ass monkeys in congress can budget for a study to determine how often college students have sex with the lights off or on for $7.3 million dollars and look at what may affect the copulant's decision to go with or without lighting. I haven't seen the dating scene in over 40 years, but I still remember the lights on if she is a lookin good, and lights off if she is a "butter-face".
Other factors include the amount of beer consumed prior to disrobing and probing and positioning of the supplicant. Lights on if you are facing the same direction, on or off if facing opposite directions. One of my pals in college was a lights on all the time guy, said every pillow has a pillow case that can be employed when roll playing as a KKK grand dame and grand trouser lizard!
Said he once dated a gorgeous gal, Helen, from Troy, Tn, a cheerleader, who was known for her keen love of fellatio, he used to quip that she was" Helen of Troy, the face that launched a thousand zips." He said she was the best traveling companion he ever had. He always drove because when she got bored she would entertain herself with her lips on his man- lizard. Said he put a hundred thousand miles on his pinto that summer they dated. I apologize the tone this missive has taken. Please accept it. I do not mean to repulse anyone, only titillate.
After all if you are reading this someone thought enough of your mother to spend a couple of minutes of quality time with her, lights on or lights off, and left you behind as a token of his appreciation. So don't go all sanctimonious on me here. If I left your father out of the above equation it was not an oversight. Another Omnibus Bill funded study determined that one in seven children is not sired by the husband in the marriage.
For this reason I decided to stop having children after six if I ever found a woman who would marry me. Mother encouraged me to date after my horrible accident, but most girls were distracted by my missing limbs and my foley catheter.
I got to first base a couple of times, but when I had to stop the romancing to remove my foley catheter, the young ladies would state "I do not think this is working out." I appreciate their honesty, I really do.
Anyway, I am sorry. I do not know how I got off on this subject, but I guess the ass-clowns in congress would rather find out about sex in college rather than fight poverty in our urban centers. Next year Susan and I are going to apply for a grant to study the sex lives of bisexual shut-ins and how the internet has impacted their level of satisfaction. I already know first, and only, hand, so to speak, how the internet has helped one heterosexual shut-in!
You do not believe any of this, do you?
Jack D. Maybolt, PhD
President Urban Poverty Law Center
"Love is what's left out of the "wet spot", and that's where babies come from."
Mother Maybolt's explanation of the "birds and the bees" to me, her second grader. 1926-2008
You're cookin Dr., now tell us what you really think.
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