A Most Peculiar Encounter

A young man presented himself to my farm yesterday asking for some money to buy  food while I was up at my mail box.  He stated he is trying to get back to the Colorado Rockies where the space ship is to pick him up.  He, as he explained it, was an emissary from Alpha Centurian placed here with the election of Donald Trump to prepare Earth for the harvest.

"The harvest, what harvest?"

"Where have you been," he chided me.

"The Universe is almost completely out of souls.  We were sent here to prepare you for this harvest of souls."  

At this point I was certain I was dealing with a certifiable nutcase.  But I decided to go along with him.

"We, who's we?"

"Me and 193 of my fellow Alpha Centurians.  One for each country in the world."  He said.

Well, there are 195 countries and I thought I had him there, but before I could call him on the mistake he said:

"We decided to exempt the country of See and its 800 residents."

He continued,  "Its political, the big wigs in our world have spoken and your Vatican City is spared from the harvest."

"The souls must be without sin, which are sort of like Wago beef, it's just better."  He continued.

"The one thing we did not consider was this Wuhan virus,  it has made the harvest nearly impossible.
We had plans for 6 billion souls, but the virus has a peculiar property.  It renders that soul useless for our purpose.  The great counsel of Stars has decided to move on.  Of course we will collect the aborted and the rare death not associated with Wuhan, but we will be leaving Earth.  This whole sheltering in place and that damn viurs has made it rather difficult for mass collections.  So Earth and its people are safe for now."

I gave this nut job $20 and he thanked me and turned back towards the Dollar General.

I collected my mail, and there it was!

My Stimulus Check!  If I had known this, I would have given that kook, $40.  

I am going to cash this check and go the the Titty Bar as soon as it opens.

I am fairly certain they would not be getting my soul.

Alpha Centurian, ha I bet that is not even a place.

I may be stupid, but I am not crazy.

Winniford Rufus Maybolt,  uncle to the Late Jackson Delano Maybolt,  President UPLC