Urban Poverty Law Center New Year Resolution

Blogosphereons,1.

As the president of this fine Law Center, I like to look back at the year just past and recall some of my accomplishments. Well even with all that we did, poverty is keeping ahead of our best efforts to crush it. My twenty dollar contribution to the homeless fellow unexpectedly and regretfully reduced the homeless population by one when he smoked two dime bags of meth and had a brain seizure. Malinda Teague's eldest son, Wendell, is a EMT and rides third seat with the crew in Finger, Tn on Fridays and said he'd seen it before and that poor wretch was probably dead before he hit the ground.

I devised 10 ways to reduce the federal deficit and am always thinking of ways to improve on the ways. We could reduce federal spending by 1/5 by granting our public servants off every Wednesday without pay. Generally speaking, nothing great ever happens on Wednesday in the halls of government or on the other four days for that matter. We could reduce our outlays for government if all public servants were paid on merit and for results. Payroll expenditures would necessarily drop to pre-WWI levels as most civil servants are pathetic paper weights and position holders for the next lucky winner of "who gonna get a government job?"

In local developments, Larry Simmons called to say that we had a sick cow. Seems she is all snotty around the nose, foaming at the mouth, and can not muster the energy to get up off the ground. Merle said he'd seen it before and was pneumonia. I gave Larry my bottle of penicillin and he give the cow a couple of shots and brung it some water and some feed and we will see what tomorrow brings. I think we will be burying another of Mr.D.B. Bell's cows tomorrow.

Damned if old Bell don't have the worst luck with his cows. That is the second one this year for old Bell. I tried to tell him not to buy them old cows sight unseen, but Bell is a banker and banker's know everything, except perhaps when not to buy cows with no teeth left in their heads. In his favor, he did get two fine calves out of those edentulus bovines. God rest their souls, a cow is a noble creature and its intelligence is universally underrated. Only the dog is smarter, because we do not eat dogs. But a Chinese dog, that is a totally different matter.

As I look back over the past year, I find I have pissed away another one without accomplishing anything of any worth or value. Even the IRS sent most of my money back. I hope to be more productive in 2011 as it is the next to last year in the Mayan calender.

This year I plan to end poverty, end wealth, end inequality, end dreams, end profits, end global warming, end racism, end homophobia, end religion, end bigotry, end criminality, end social injustice, end talk radio, end freedom of speech, end baring arms, end hunger, end teenage pregnancy, end war, end diseases, and end profits from businesses both great and small.

I will vote democrat.

Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center

"You know you are a Democrat if you find National Public Radio's news segments from Central America----------facinating!" Mother Maybolt, 1928-2008

1. A term to denote those who hang out in the blogosphere, generally another term for loser with a computer who is tired of watching porno 24/7. jm