Friends and Democrats,
I will get the niceties out of the way before I get started, Merry Christmas! I got everything I wanted for Christmas this year, world peace, global warming subsiding on our efforts to control emissions from cattle and politicians, and an end to world hunger when the last of the starving Somali's passed on to the other side. Really, the United Nations reported that world hunger is defeated the old fashion way. They finally died. Sad but true.
National Public Radio had live reportage standing by as the last two, known world hunger poster children, drew their last air.
Juan Williams had been scheduled to be the senior reporter, but his flap with Fox News got him canned and Nina Totumpole
got tapped for the assignment. I think Nina's choice was a coup de tat, as she brought a warmness to the report whereas Juan, with his harsh anti-Islam, anti-Starving African/Fox News biases, would have fallen flat. Juan's heart and soul would not have been in that report. Achmed and Schlamile, dead of world hunger! Next.
One last thing about Nina Totumpole, she is a great reporter with a gentle heart, a kind spirit, and a fine historian when facts are not essential. 1.
As I compose, globing warming, the hoax, concocted in some Tennesseans warped mind, who was erroneously awarded the Nobel Peas Prize, whose last name rhymes with whore, and first name rhymes with fert, past pluperfect for "fart", When I surprised Betty Wahlbanger with a baked potato, she was embarrassed by her fert, is melting away at Europe and the Americas.
It is so cold in the British Isles that one can hear many loud cracks over there as Brits with hideously crooked teeth have them contracted and spontaneously straightened when they draw in that first frosty morning breath of fresh air. The Royal Society of Odontics and Maxillo-Facial Surgery is planning a protest letter to the UN.
With the expiration date set firmly on the 111th congress, and the Lame Duck America Congress at its end, I think we can all sit back and with a sigh of relief, pray to God Almighty, the 112th Congress only stings half as much as its predecessor. Asking Congress to watch your money is like asking a dog to watch your food. 2. I had almost lost my faith in Hell until I observed the shenanigans of this Lame Duck Congress. 3.
I believe that we can all agree they gave Americans what they truly want, a good screwing. But, I haven't felt this bad about a screwing since prom night,1968, when Jess Nunamaker and I got all liquored up and experimented in the back of his pick up truck, said he lost his balance, but he nearly ripped me a new one, if you know what I mean. I wasn't expecting that, and gave it up that year for Lent and never went back there again. I am not gay, not that there is anything wrong with sodomy or beastiality for that matter, Love is where you find it in my honest opinion. I just did not feel the love in the back of Jess's truck that night. I am a committed heterosexual, but my injuries, lost arm and leg, along with a large and smelly sacral decubitus require me to pay for sex, and if ever I find a really desperate crank whore with false teeth, I do. Too much information, I know. Change subjects.
Members of the reading public, you are instructed to disregard the written remarks the noble amongst you find repugnant and the rest of you, whose sensibilities were not shocked, are perverted, your mothers know who you are, don't fool yourself . Did that help anybody? Save it for your therapist.
Merry Christmas everybody!
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
1. Mark Twain plagiary, 2. ditto. 3. ditto
"All women are whores, except of course for your mother. But her mother was a whore!" Mother Maybolt, the unwhore, 1925-2008
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