Harvey Whinestain, prominent Hollywood producer, director, and keeper of the coveted crusty golden casting couch in his liddle world of stars and starlets, has screwed the pooch. His perversion and proclivity for exibitionism, watch me shower and masturbate, and unwanted sexual advances on the hot meat of Hollywood are legend. One of the best almost kept secrets of this sick, sick culture among the folks in film. Whinestain makes Bill Cosby mainstream given the culture of perversion prevalent in tinseltown. Bill Clinton could just as easily plied his trade out there amongst the readers of Variety Magazine rather than sully the Oval Office with his lewd romps with any tramp he came across.
Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton continues her curious crusade criss crossing the country to any Costco that will order a hundred of her book of the Tibetan Dead explanation of her second failed campaign for the highest executive office in the land. Here is a compilation of her rantings. Just a few I have catalogued.
"The glass was too thick. My make up artist was a Christian. James Comey investigated my corruption and laid it out there for all to see. Men threatened their wives by withholding sex if they did not vote for Trump. My voice was drowned out by a Trump loving major media that took the Russian interference to the highest level. NBC held on to the Belly Bush Trump Sex Tape too long. Steve Bannon is an agent of Satan. The opiate problem sweeping middle America created a base for Donald J. Trump. The polls lulled my staunchest supporters into a false sense of security and many thought, what the heck Hillary's got this in the bag, I will skip voting for Hillary and stop at Dairy Queen after work and get a Starbucks coffee.
Well I did not have this in the bag. Bannon and Trump tricked me and many many voters with the help of that snake Vlad Putin who like many Americans could not picture the next four and possibly eight years listening to my screedie screech after a twaddling waddle to any open mic. Putin pulled out all stops to thwart my ascendency! He opened the Russian treasury spending thousands upon thousands in Russian money to collude Donald Trump into my office.
I paid 1.8 million dollars for a small bungalow next door to 1600 Penn. Ave to rent to my secret service brigade so Chelsea and my grandkids would have an extra million dollars a year of taxpayer money to do with as they pleased. I had such great plans for bigger and better pay for play schemes, and now I have nothing but a hand full of broken dreams and 3,001 designer pant suit ensembles in every imaginable color.
The stain of my husband's emissions on the blue dress of politics was too great to overcome. I am a broken woman. Shattered on the rocks of the Potomac. Wasted by a reality TV star, a man with orange hair, a caricature of a businessman, a course foul mouthed populist, with dog whistles for every white racist, Nazi, misogynist, homophobic, and ignoramus in America. And he used that whistle to blow my skirt over my head and steal this election from me as surely as night follows day.
Well I will not stand to be trifled. I am not that kind of girl. I am Hillary Rodham Clinton, hear me roar. Watch me soar. But for now I will continue to criss cross the country on my World Costco Book Tour and complain bitterly on the shit sandwich the American voters with help from the major media, Comey, Bannon, Putin and the rest have served. I have eaten worse you see as I have been married to Bill Clinton for over 40 years and even had to live in Arkansas for a while.
So America, you see, you can beat me, but you can't keep me down. I will rise from the ashes of the 2016 election like the phoenix and soar again to new and higher heights.
Is anyone interested in seeing my tits? I am offering topless speeches to all my former corporate sponsors. Just as a protest of the shabby treatment afforded women in America.
Now where is that bottle of vodka, Putin sent me?"
Well this is my story and parts of it are True.
I am,
Jackson Delano Maybolt, President Urban Poverty Law Center
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